LOCAL AND GENERAL.

Ashburton Guardian, Volume VII, Issue 1273, 29 December 1890, Page 2

LOCAL AND GENERAL.

Volapuk is now 11 years old, and it is asserted that five million persons are able to use it. Christian Scientist: "Do you believe m spirits?" Kentuckian: '-Thanks, don't keer el I do." A Cabinet Minister being aaked why he did I not promote merit, said, " Merit did not promote me." Smart Attorney: " You said the evening wore on. What did it wear on that particular occasion?" Witness: "The close of day, I presume." A young man named L&fciirer, employed m the Bank of New Zealand, was drowned while bathing m the Waikato river on Boxing Day. According to the Catlin'a correspondent of the " Clutha Leader " the district is making rapid strides, and settlement is rapidly progressing. Taranaki is going to hold a Jubilee Exhibition at New Plymouth of art, science, industry, agricultural and genezal produce on the 30th March, 1891. Pastoral runs containing 52,000 acres are to be submitted to auction at Hokitika, upset price £1 per thousand acres, per annum, with ten years to run. This sounds cheap. At a trial of reaping-machines held at Ballarafc on the 9th inst. the Wood's single apron took the cup, m competition with 2 Hornsbys, 2 McCormicks, 2 Masseys, 1 Deering and 1 Howard machine. The Onehunga Ironworks are now m full swing again, a partial stoppage having been experienced through want of suitable coal. About 1000 tons are now being delivered, so busy times may be expected. Mr Edison has a novelty on which be is workjng^a clock io talk the time. Instead of a Ma»i£ flQ«Hi4i it will say "one, two," etc., »t the proper hours. For an alarm, it will say mno many w<wrds, ff Qet ijp," jn a stentorian and commanding voice. A new illustration of the dia|tance of the stars is that it would take ell the t/ancashire cotton factories 400 years to spi« a thread toag enough to reach to the nearest etai> at fch* jpricsent rate of production of about 155,00G,GC|Q miles per day. A census is to fc? £aken on Sunday, the sth April, 1891, the vmv&l pf which will be of grsat interest, more especially it will ajagrfgr to the whole of the British dourii^iqns, and wiil J>«i the first contemporaneous Pan Anglican en»wuc^,tion. In Tasmania botii grajn and grass ar."* making splendid growth, f*n4 is every Prospect of a good season's feed, J$ fact, #h« inspect is almost too good for s&ft»# farm#r«j, '.$# £hp growth of the grass keeps up the price .of ,sto*'|B so that it is impossible to purchase H/fak any chance of making a profit or even icvnjiijig ,<>,ufc clear. We clip the following important iefetimo, ,ni&! from the '' Hlawarra Mercury " {Jf. S. of the 4(6*l} March. It needs no comment :— •* Mr John Lm§(l&y, of the Bulli Mountaino writes to us that ; as#t offering for four years I $#?» ftOute gravel, lie has ex^W'jgnced almost ,comf>iei« relief by using Sander 4w»cl $ons' Eucaiyptfe jfifo-fcraet. He says : —" .Seeing the said Extract cyfowlsised m the ' Hlawarra 1 Mercury,' his ititenef offering induced him io ,o;btain a bottle of $fys medicnie from Mf jfosking, chemist, of <M# town, and Jthaifc (fcfee f*«£ of \t gave him great w#gf'at once, He states between IQth March inst., when h« obtai^A £h£ first bottle of the, extract, a»d ,the |9% $1* of 'that' medicine continued to afford Mm ?%}]s, to which he had been a stranger for four .y«^>.

The "Sydney Jockey Turf Club" consultationist is on the warpath again, another batch "of circulars having just reached Asliburton. Our readers are again warned that the whole burnesa is a fraud, and that if they send their pounds as invited to Sydney they will simply throw their money away. There is no such Club as the Sydney Jockey Turf Club. The fire bsll brought ont the Western »engine on Sunday afternoon, and an old vehicle m Mr Stoele' yard, West street, that had caught fire from some burning grass wa3 soon extinguished. As all the herbage about about the country was as dry as tinder until the recent shower, there was much danger from grass fires. The "Timaru Herald" says:—At the Uemuka Caledonian Society's Concert on "Boxing Night '' A bandit's life" was capitally sung by Mr Black ; as was also the "Battle of Stirling" by the same gentleman. We congratulate Ashburton musical circles on the above i\s Mr Black is now a resident here, and we trust soon to hear him sing m public. A curious anaesthetic used by the Chineso has recently been made known. It is obtained by placing a frog m a jar of flour and irritating it by prodding it. Under these circumstancea it exudes a liquid which forms a paste with the flour. This paste dissolved m water has well marked anesthetic properties. After the finger has been immersed m the liquid for a few minutes it can be cut to the bone without any pain being felt. The results of the new divorce law m Victoria, one of the provisions of which i 3 that desertion for three years is sufficient cause for divorce, is the flooding of the Courts with such cases. In some instances the faithless husbands and wives are m New Zealand. The business goes on merrily-the papers have not space to report the proceedings fully—and very few applications are refused. Mr Ashmead Bartlett, M.P., the Yankee whom the millionaire Baroness Burdett Coutts married, has not (says the London " Star ") made an impression on the Irish people. During this un-Civil Lord's stay m Tipperary, he affected to inspect the potato crop. Fixing his eyeglass (the story goes) very earnestly on a field of luxuriant yellowturnips, he exclaimed to his companion, who was personally conducting him, "Ah ! these potatoes are not blighted.,' We find the following m an exchange : Mr Allison Smith, locomotive superintendent of the Victorian railways, is to be again put on his defence. Recently there have been complaints from the men under his control of favoritism, and, the matter having been brought up m Parliament, Mr Smith has applied to have a full inquiry, as he belives it " cannot fail to remove any false impressions that may have gained weight by the circulation and repetition of foolish slanders." A Celt who had joined a cavalry regiment, for the first time m his life revelled m the delights of a Christmas dinner after the English style. The delighted Donald plied knife and fork with astonishing voracity, and only desisted through sheer repletion. " Well, how have you enjoyed your dinner, my man ?" asked one of the officers. The trooper answered—" Och, aye, sir, ferry weel inteet. It will be ta gran' eat whatefer. After this, hereafter, she'll pc feared she'll pc aye look toon on her am puir native parritch for evermore, moreover." The doctor had to certify to the death of a patient, but found that he had not got a form. Re sent a housemaid up to a neighbouring doctor to borrow one, The girl was shown m to the waiting room, crowded with patients and as she insisted that her business was very urgent, the doctor came out to see her. "What can I do for you madam?" Dr 's compliments, and hs said would you lend him a certifi"ate of death, as you would be sure to have plenty of them." There was a forced laugh and an uneasy movement amongst the patients on heaving this grim message, but the doctor put the matter right as he answered, with a smile, "quite right, madam; he can have all mine. I have no use for them mmy practice. He appearently has."— Aulus. Two hundred and fifty miles on crutches for the 3ake of being among his relations at Christmas time was (says the Wellington " Press ") the feat accomplished by an old cripple here recently. Tins old man, who has lost one of his legs and*has to walk on crutihes, left Taranaki some three weeks ago without a penny m his<pocket, for this city, intending to earn his food as best he could on the way down.. Fortunately ho happened to fiill m with an exceptionally good-hearted lot of people during the journey, and so arrived here safely a couple of days ago. He at once applied to the Benevolent Institution to pay his passage to Lyttelton—he stated he would walk there if he could—where he had friends who would keep him, and the trustees at their meeting decided to grant his request. Almost the whole of this remarkable journey was made along the railway line. Professor Lichtwark held a class at the homestead at Acton on Saturday when a goodly number of pupils were m attendance. In driving m the young unbroken stock from the paddock the grey filly handled last Monday at Rakaia was yarded and afforded a good opportunity of testing the lasting qualities of the first lesson received. The Professor was able without the slightest difficulty, amongst the other horses, to handle the filly all over, mount her from | either side without either rope or bridle; she just picked up each leg as required, the same as an old $ horse. Two horses were then selected and the others turned out. A black three-year-old colt was the first taken, and he proved of a somewhat sulky disposition, but m an hour and a quarter almost anything could be done with him. The other a two-year-old filly turned out to be a very fiery and most determined youngster, and it took considerably longer to bring her to subjection; 'however, patience and perseverance prevailed, and two better subjects for showing pupils what could be done by the Professor could not have been found. A young horse was then prepared for harness, and it was thoroughly explained and shown that by using the Professor's mode there would be very little chance of either an upset or broken trap through kicking. All were most pleased with their day's instruction, and after thanking Mr Allan fot entertaining them at lunch, and the Professor for llis work, the party separated,