WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Auckland Star, Volume XL, Issue 35, 10 February 1909, Page 8

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

(By "OLD SALT.") A very pathetic appeal appears In the agony column of a local paper, addressed to "Ada," and indications point to the appellant as being engaged in clerical pursuits. ,Long is the arm of coincidence,; but, in order to come to grips, it would be delightful to learn that the surname of the one appealed to—it remains to be -seen if she prove a respondent—is "Clark"; for the writer is reminded of once upon a time when he was employed as storekeeper, bookkeeper, and correspondence clerk upon a station in Australia. Amongst the settlers whose letters were brought to the homestead wae one named "Clark"; and a very charming daughter named "Ada '• usually called for the family's correspondence. To designate so charming a bundle of femininity a "mail-girl" would,be absurd. That was in the days of susceptibility, and the writer remembers, with shame, a lubrication of his own which found ite way into the mailbag. A legal term that's mnch employed Is "alder and abettor." I've found the Ada; now I'll bet No one can find a better. Though coy, I will not cease to hope. Through days both drear and dark; For if she prove true to her name, She'll surely "Aid a Clerk!" Those old Australian days are again recalled by .the statements which appear regarding the qualifications possessed by many assisted immigrants for employment as farm-labourers. For the infornation of such, I would like to point Ol!t that absolute ignorance is a recommendation only in cases where prejudice is likely to exist, and "J.P."-ships are not usually bestowed- upon new arrivals. To return to Australia, and here "revenons a nos moutons" would be peculiarly appropriate; once upon a time, a young, zealous and energetic new-chum persuaded an old and experienced drover to enlist him as a recruit in the camp, that was convoying a big mob of cattle south for water and grass. It fell upon the. midnight clear, whilst George, the neophyte, was on watch and supposed to walk his horse with discretion round the mob; but what fell nobody ever knew, it may have been an opossum from a gum tree, a piece of bark, a decayed limb or anything. The cattle stampeded and, awakened by the noise, the drover i leapt from the tent, and with a few forcible remarks, inquired in a stentorian voice: "George! George! where are you?" A still, small voice answered from somewhere very much aloft, "I'm all right, boss; I'm up this jolly big tree. Where are you?" 1 heard the reply; but am confident that after this lapse of years I could not do justice to it, and anyhow it came, within the category of things better left unsaid. Forensic eloquence is frequently remarkable more for.sound than-for sense; .but really some practitioners in the Wei- i lington Courts appear to put forward arguments that contain not only no sound sense, but no ordinary common sense. In a case heard last week and, as a result of which hearing, the accused was sentenced to three years' imprisonment for stealing two 'bottles of beer— I hope they were large ones, for the gentleman's Tecord wanted a lot of washing out.—Mr Williams said that the case had been ridiculously exaggerated by the police, and that the whole affair reminded him of "the elephant that conceived and brought forth a mouse." It seems that the learned advocate's memory must 'be a fearful and wonderful thing indeed; and one, like many other things, of such weird nature not at all to bn envied. I have read of a mountain In labour: But the elephant tale don't believe. And Its sense; neither I nor my neighbour Is able at all to conceive! This week there is a clamorous demand for penny-a-word cables; for the remittance men of Auckland have arisenin their wrath (and Albert Park) at the news that the Suez mail, detained by reason of bad weather, had failed to connect with the steamer from Sydney, and that no English letters may be expected until Friday. One disconsolate youth, after talking with contumely of everything and everybody in the " 'blasted colonies," declared that he might, at least, make somebody else unhappy; and so confided to mc a wail, which he wishes to be entitled: THE WATS OF THE DATS. Monday's the day for our frolic and play, Tnesday, the game Iβ etlll going; Wednesday, still ours the dance of the hours Still gay, and the joyous bowl flowing. Thursdny, we think what we're going to drink. Friday, we drink jnst what offers. Saturday — cursed! — Just a blank day of thirst. AU empty, both, pewters and coffers. Sundays, ah! we dread the faint heart and sore head. Through many we've suffered and shivered. But, oh! what dismay, to learn early next day, "The English mall Is not delivered!" Very non-committal was Mr. Justice Cooper in the Empire City's Supreme Court. On account of the excessive heat Mr.: Wilford asked permission to remove his wig, receiving in reply the assurance that his Honor would not commit him for contempt if he and his brother limbs of the law discarded that very ridiculous horse-hair emblem ot wisdom. "It is very -svann up here," said the Judge, " it is probably worse down below." Thus the Bench to the Bar, So near, yet so far. Btlll no advocate there was dismayed, -They're accustomed to "Coke,! , ' And- "Blaclcstone's" a Joke To the boye ot toe Devil's brigade. *'