LANCE ITEMS.

Gisborne Times, Volume IX, Issue 885, 8 May 1903, Page 3

LANCE ITEMS.

The latest title for the capital of the golden Rand is “ Gekenuasberg.” There are 4000 Js.P. in New Zealand. Many of them can read and write. The yearly crop of “ drunks ” in New Zealand totals 10,000. Our fino police exist chiefly for the convenience of these gentlemen. The Query will bo put to you soonor or later. “ Why did tho barmaid ale ? ” You will reply that tho reason is because tho stout bitter. Sir Edward Barton, Federal Premier, is ooing to visit New Zealand shortly. Surmised that ho intends to learn how to run a country. The boy who returned home the other day'with his hair cut on one side only, explained to Mamma that tho barber had only taken three-penn’orth off. It was a patient and persevering county clerk who kept pegging away at a Government department for three years before he c*ot any reply to his letters. Ex-prize tighter Frank Slavin is now Commissioner for Oaths in the Klondyko regions. Ho should have muscle enough to administer his office with success. A Sydney woman sued a man for breach of promise tho other day. He proposed, and was accepted within an hour of acquaintance, They ate a bit casual over

there. , An Auckland paper has discovered a modern resurrection. It tells us of the present doings in Loudon of a Boer who was, it declares, “ interred three years ago. The marriage market is excessively brisk in New Zealand. Not a single lady teacher answered an Education Board advertisement asking for teachers for two schools recently. A Northern settler has patented a device for holding the tails of cows while milking is proceeding. It is not desigded for use with “ milch” kino with iron caudal appendages. . ' A lffibt fingered professional in court plaintively pleaded that if he worked he was run in as a thief. If he didut work he was run in as a vagabond. What san honest man to do '?