LANCE ITEMS

Gisborne Times, Volume X, Issue 962, 7 August 1903, Page 3

LANCE ITEMS

To show their disapproval of an unpopular “win,” on a Viotorian football field, a crowd of larrikins bombarded the team with blue-metal. The captain was knocked out. 1 Ex-Police Commissioner Tunbridge is now on the New Zealand Army list for some unknown reason. It is an. empty honor if you think up all the militia captains you know. A Queensland ex-trooper was recently _ sent to gaol for seven years for a bad crime. Because all colonial soldiers were not angels, the Queensland press Boathes ‘the whole " bag of trioks." ■< G&e matrimonial market at Nelson is Btagnant. Therefore, the girls there have formed a •' Navy Working Club,” and will wear short uniform* ?kirts t ' cheese-cutter caps, and blfio!iiihtiperß. ; The most rludid - Order given to a Wellington voluntaeiyjho was being instructed on outpost duty,'- was not to “ stir a foot, but walk down and soe what you can hear.” The officer was Scotch. Mr Rutherford, M.H.R. for Hurunui, was the most nervous man in the Hoviso on the- opening day. The “ jester " seems to have overcome his timidity ever since then. A man, fancying he heard an alarm of fire in an Auckland hotel, recently jumped out of a throe storey window, holding two umbrellas in his hands. He was not hurt, and did not retnrn the umbrellas. The discovery of a leprous Chinaman reminds us that daring last year one was found down South. After he had been fumigated, isolated, and his property confiscated and burnt, ho was found to have been frostbitten 1 V / The latest postal fad was tried by an Auokland man. He addressed an unenveloped " fiver ” to a friend in Wellington, merely pinning the writing on. He is now about to 11 perform ” because it has not reached its destination. < In a literary competition, held in a Southern city, the first prize was won by an anonymous gentleman. It has been discovered that the prize taker is an inmate of a lunatic asylum, and it is suspected that he has been wrongfully " put away” by relatives. It is not necessary for a man to bo a thoatrioal manager to have a “ cast " in his eye. Even the hundred-pouad penalties don t stop the smuggling of opium. It is going on all the time. The Melbourne police recently ran a burglar to earth. The slue was half a button, which matched those on the burglar’s coat. ' , , ' Timaru carters, during the late snowstorms, had a had time witk snow-ballers. They ‘'g°t back ” on their torturers with stale eggs. , “ The rankest weeds grow on the rubbish heap” is the polite way a bald- * beaded M.H.R. has of saying that wellthatched members are ” wasters.” 4 A young clerk, omployed by a Welington firm, disappeared last Thursday with jg 565 in a bag. It is supposed he has hidden it—in the Bank of New Zealand. They are a casual lot in Victoria. A policeman recently owned that he had forgotten to send in about 1000 names of electors in connection with the rolls.