Wit and Humour.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 2089, 15 January 1908, Page 6 (Supplement)

Wit and Humour.

FAILED TO ATTRACT. The host efforts to make a homo attractive sometimes fail. Recently a district visitor in the slums of a large city asked tlie wife of- a notorious drinker why she -did not keep her husband from the pub-lic-house. “Well,” she answered, “Lave done my best, ma’am, but be will go there'.'” “Wily don’t you make your homo look more attractive?” “I’m sure I’ve tried ’ard to mako it ’omelike, ma’am,” was the reply. “I’ve took uj) the parlor carpet and sprinkled sawdust on the Hour, and put a barrel in the corner. But, lor’, ma’am, it ain’t made a bit of -difference 1” NOT THAT TIME. On a cold ,stormy night a man M as hastening homo with his overcoat buttoned up his neck. He was rather anxious to know what time it iv-s, but lie avast o lazy to unbotton his coat in order to get at his watch. Just then -lie saw a well-dressed man coming in the distance, and he remarked to himself: “I’ll ask this gentleman the ho ir of the night, and so save myself the trouble of unbuttoning mv coat.” “Sir, do you know what time it is?” he asked. The stranger paused, and removed liis right glove, unbuttoned his overcoat from top to bottom, unbuttoned his undercoat, and finally pulled out his watch, while the cool wind boatagainst his unprotected chest. Holding up the watch so that the light nould shine on it he scrutinized it an instant, and as he passed on said, “I do.” THE BITER BITTEN. He (a new arrival at seaside hotel, to unknown lady): “Aw—have you been a captive in this—er—menagerie long?” She: “You can hardly call mo a captive; perhaps ‘keeper’ would be better, for 1 am tlie wife of tlie showman and have to help feed the- animals.”