The Storyteller. THE TARS AND THE TARTARS.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2394, 8 January 1909, Page 10 (Supplement)

The Storyteller.

THE TARS AND THE TARTARS.

(By Howard Dwight Smiley.) When a couple of cowpuuchers have been lied down to the ranch all winter, only drawing enough pay to keep them in tobacco, and then get aid off all in a jump and turned loose for general results, there s usually something doing for a spell. That was the ease with me and Panny Waltz on the day we left the Bar-O ranch. Our main object was to get somewhere, and we weren’t caring much where it was, just so s we got there. Wherefore we climbed on to the first train we saw after we hit-town and sat down in a smoker. Thereafter along comes Mr. Conductor. “Tickets,” says he. “Just so,” says Panny. “You'll have to take currency.’ “Where are you going:-”’ enquires the con. “How far arc you going:-”’ asks Panny. “This train goes to San Francisco,” answers the con. “Keno!” cries Panny. “How ituuch will that cost?” So the conductor collects the fares to old San Fran., and in due time we wore .cavorting down Clay Street in that little town, looking for something interesting. Wo got along first-rate until we hit the waterfront, when we rounded the corner and humped into «. large gent- with black whiskers growing all over his face. “What, oh, luv hearties!” ho roared. “Keel haul me, hut you have a sudden way o’ running foul o’ a man.” We apologised its nice as we knew how land started to move on, when ho spoke again. “Ahoy, mates, wherc'rc bound? Looking for a berth?” he asked. “Well, not exactly,” answered Panny. “We’ve just ditched a- good job, and are now looking out for excitement. Know where we can find that?” “Excitement, is it?” You lads come along o’ me and I’ll guarantee that you’ll get all that you want.’ “Where to?” “Aboard the good schooner, Nancy Belle, bound tfor. ias rollicking a voyage as she ever took. W e need a couple o’ hands, like you lads; better let me put you down on the articles; pay’s twenty a month.” “Not- for ours,” answered Panny. “We’ve been holding down a job until we’re black in the face, and don’t propose to thing of such a thing as work for many long weary weeks.” “That’s too bad,” says "Whiskers, sizing us up as if we were a couple of shorthorns he was calculating buying, “your just the lads we need to fill out the crew. Well, anyhow, come along o’ me, mates, just let’s splice the main brace, just once, for luck.” We didn’t know what that meant, hut were willing to learn, land followed him into a saloon. The place was empty except fGr the barkeep. - “Ho, Jerry,” says Whiskers to him. “give me and my here, a tot o’ the good Turn out o’ the stone jug”.

The b.arkeep looked ;at me and Pannv a little sharply, I thought, ■ and then dived under the bar and brought up the jug. Filling three glasses from it he pushed them out to us. ‘‘.Just put a dash o ! hitters in mine, please,” says Whiskers. “I like st little oil to any grog.” The bar keep took Whiskers’ glass and held it under the bar a minute while he put the bitters in and then passed it out again.” “You don’t often get stuff like this in the world,” says Whiskers, holding up the glass and squinting through it. “Right from old Jamaica; they keep it . here special for particular friends o’ mine and the general public never ,gots a stab iat it. Well, here goes, mates, drink hearty.’ The main trouble with the average cowpuncher is that ho always is too willing to take a drink. I have observed this fact on a number of occasions but mever had it so forcibly impressed on me as I did when me and Panny took that particular bowl. It tasted queer, that’s the first thing I noticed. It acted queerer. I began to 'notice that about five minutes after I swallowed' it, .and in another minute I was curled up on the floor, and. “subsequent proceedings,” as my friend Mr. Bret Barte, used to say, “interested me no more.” Then I had some beautiful dreams too complicated for analysis, in thc_ main,- but on the wind up I was on top of a stampede composed of ten million galloping, rolling, bucking shortifbrns, and was being carried across the mesa at the. rate of a mile a minute, with a canyon just ahead. Then I wokc up. For a minute I thought I was in the bull-pen, back on . the ranch, but the bunk I lay in 4 was heaving round in a most amazing manner. T suddenly sat up, bumped my bead Oil the berth tabove, and then, as she

gave a particularly tremendous heave, I pitched out on the floor. “Here you come,” says a voice behind me. “I thought you were going to sleep forever.” I got on my feet and started to turn round. But just- then the floor buck-jumped and I took a header into another hunk. I landed' on top of someone, who began to grumble, and I recognised Penny’s voice, i “What’re you rolling ’round on -me for?” be growled. Before I could answer someone grabbed me from behind, pulled me out and on to my feet and held me there.

“iSteady, mate,” says ‘he. “You're ill allco; but take a nip o’ this and you'll he all right in a jiffy.” “'Where’ll the hotel am 1, anyhow?” 1 asked, pushing away the bottle lie held up to me—-I was feeling too sick to drink anything out of a bottle just then. “You’re aboard the- schooner Nancy Bello, bound for a trading trip to the Sostßi Sets. O’ course you know you signed tip for the voyage?” “T. don’t 'know anything o’ the kind,” I answered, indignantly. Just then a man stuck his head down what . I afterwards learned was the forecastle hatch, and yelled: “Ahoy, below, there! Ain’t them swabs awake yet, Mr. Jenkins?” “Ay, av, sir,” -answered the man wlio’d been talking to me, “they’re coining round fine, sir.” “Well, run ’em up on deck and let's* seo what they’re good for. Make ’em move more lively.” “Ay, ay, sir,” answered Jenkins. “That’s - the first mate,” says lie, turning to me; “you’d better bo spry about getting on deck; he’s a bucko, -and is sore because you’ve been so long sleeping off your jag.” “Jag,” says I, -beginning to grasp the situation. “Don’t tell me I had a jig; I only took one drink, and that was doped!” “What in the dickens is all this about ?” asked Panny, who was fully awake now and leaning out of his bunk. “You’ll find out when you get on deck,” answered Jenkins. “If you ain’t up there in one more minute the mate will be down here with ia rope’s end. “Tumble out o’ that bunk and get a move on, now.” It was then that I felt for that truffy old 45-Colt of mine. In -a case of lynching it might come in handy, and- that’s what I figured the rope’s end meant. But the gun was gone--as was everything else I had possessed except the clothes I stood in. Then I began to rile up. “Come on. Panny.” says 1, “let’s go up and find all about this thing. We’ve been tmu-hed for everything we’ve got, i.minding six months’ wages, and iheie'a a kick coming somewheres.”

Panny tumbled out of the bunk and Ave climbed up the ladder leading to the deck, where tlio mategrabbed me and led me aft, Jenkinfollowed with Panny. . The ship was rolling and pitching so that it was all I could do to keep my feet, even with the mate’s assistance, and I didn’t get a. chance to tilk until we readied the poop-deck, on whidi stood a big, fat, bristly man leaning against the cabin. “Here’s the two men that Mugsgrew shipped for you captain,”- says the mate. “They have been too drunk to get out before.” “We Avere not too drunk,” says I indignantly, “avo Avere doped! If anybody shipped us wo didn’t know it.”

“*Say ‘sir,’ when you address me,” growled the captain, looking ugly, “and don’t try to deny that you signed for the voyage. I’ve got the articles in the cabin to prove it, if you care to see them .” “We certainly do,” I answered. By the captain’s orders Jenkins went in land brought out the papers. I looked over them, and the minute I read the names I knew they were away-off—they weren’t our names at all. “I don’t know what kind of a game you aro trying to pub oil us,” says I, thoroughly riled, “but if you don’t hand us hack our guns and’ our .money and put us on dry land mighty quick there’s going to he trouble,” “■Do you know what happens to men that talk that way to me?” asked tho captain, coming down off the poop and walking over to where I stood. “I don’t; know, and don’t care,” 1 answered. “I’m just ias good as you are, and know my Tights, as a freeboni American citizen, and I propose to have them.” And then —well, me and Panny got the * everlastingest licking that ever came our way. The captain .and two mates dug into us all in a. jump, and we were pounded, mauled, land mopped around that- deck until I thought every hone in any body was broke, then the captain land Jenkins slammed me tap against the cabin and held me there. • “Had enough ?” enquired the- captain, drawing back'a fist as big as a •ham and holding it ready for emergency.

“Yes, sir,” says I, meek-. a •k. ten. “Then sec- that you ease away . : that jaw-tacklo after this.” Just then t-lio first mate came up loading Panny, who looked like -he’d been under a stampede of longhorns. “You’ll take charge of theso men,” says the captain to him. “Keep an eye on them and make sailors of them, if you can, and shark-baits if they don’t obey orders.” “That I will, sir,” answered the mate. “Cot- forward, now, and lend a hand at lowering that port for’ardarin,” says he, turning to us. We obeyed as best we could, but the ship was rolling and pitching so that in spite of all we could do we went down on all fours every dozen stops. The mate followed—right behind and assisted us along with a rope’s eiid and a stream of profanity that would ’a’ made his fortune as a mule-skinner.

There was no wind to speak of; but it was plain, even to us landsmen, that there had been a terrific storm. The rigging was in a bad shape, and part of the crew Avas aloft fixing a tackle on the for’ard-arm, which had been damaged and was to be replaced by a new one. The mate put a rope in our hands and told us to stand by, ready to lower away Avheu we got word from above.

We clung to" the rope, steadying ourselves with it after a fashion. There was a heavy swell rolling, which caused the ship to pitch and rock something fearful, and I couldn’t, help wondering how the rest kept their feet. Finally the men aloft got the tackle rigged up and shouted to us to lower away. We started doing so and immediately got into trouble. Tliero should ’a’ been a couple of guy ropes fastened to the yard, lo hold it steady, but instead they had given us the whole responsibility of landing it safely on deck. The yard was swinging free, and part of tlio time it would be over the ship -and then over the ocean, as the schooner rolled. The mate stood just behind us, never offering to lend a hand, but telling us what was going to happen if wo didn’t ease that yard down gently. We lowered her to within fifteen feet of the deck, and I was just be-, ginning to breathe free again, when an unusually heavy swell struck us, and the schooner keeled over until her rail was under water. The yard swung far out over the sea. and at the same time our feet slipped from under us; for a moment I loosened my grip on the rope, and instantly it was whizzing through our hands, burning them so that we let go, and the yard came down in the sea with a splash, while we were slammed violently against the lee rail.

With a roar the mate came down on us with a heavy rope’s end upraised. I was on my hands and knees as lie came up, and realising that- we were in for another heating, I threw out mv right arm, caught him around the knees, and swept nine off his feet, by then, and Panny and I sprang to our feet and ran aft. We bounded on to the poop deck and ran along the weather alley to the stern. The dory was swinging from its davits, and in our wild desire to get as far away from that mate as possible we scrambled into it.

Then, for no earthly reason unless it Avas because av© Avere excited, wo faced about and Stood up. The dory swung forward a little, and I lost my balance and fell backward, seizing Panny in an endeaA r or to saA r c raysoil' . and together av© toppled OA r er the side of ihe boat into the sea.

As I fell I caught a glimpse of the yard-arm floating near us, and as soon as 1 had risen to the surface I struck out for it. Pauny Avas right behind me. and together avo reached it, and hung on for dear hi©. The heavy swell caused it to roll .so that avc could hardly keep our grip, and it occupied all of our attention to keep from slipping off again. When I did got a chance to look back I saw that the schooner Avas some distance off and slowly drawing away from us. Tho captain and mates stood in the stern shaking their fists and swearing, and it soon became evident to me that they did not intend to stop and pick us up. We discovered that the loAvering tackle Avas- still fast to the yard, tho rope having evidently slipped through the pulley after avo let go, and wo used this lo make ourselves fast to the yard. e “Well, here avo are,” says Panny, after he’d sized up the situation a bit. “Yep,” says I; “here avo arc. Going to wade ashore and dry yourself or sAvim a spell longer?” “Oli, I’ve been in worse places than this,” ansAvered Panny cheerfully. It- had been late in t-ho afternoon when wo first come to, on board the schooner, and within an hour alter w© fell overboard -the stars were shining overhead. The wind' had died out altogether , and the sea Avas becoming quieter, but there was still a hea\ry sAvell rolling,, and rose to the top of a Avave avo could see the lights of the schooner far -ahead. “Wish avo Aver© back aboard -Avith o.ur guns bandy,” gruihbled Panny. “I have an idea that we could put up•a different kind of argument, if we had them.” - , \ ,

‘•'Why don’t you wish something sensible?” I inquired. “You’ve no doubt seen the last of • that schooner, and it wouldn’t be a bad plan to do a little wishing that you’ll got to lieu-

~n dry and respectable-like, just* now. 1 “l that so?” retorted Panny. “I’ll ju t uT. rm you, for your general edi.i, that I haven’t the slightest -'.nten’..i»;ii of passing in my checks just yet. I’m going to remain on this mundane and watery sphere long enough to find the man that gave me that licking, if I have to duplicate old Methuselah's stunt.” “Which principle 1 most heartily endorse,” says I. “And you’ll find me right alongside you when you find him, too.” , As the sea became quieter the problem of keeping the yard under our arms became easier. W© arranged the rope, in such a manner that there was no danger of our heads going under, and then we agreed to take turns dozing off and getting a little rest. By my invitation Panny started in to take the first snooze. He put his arms on tlio yard, laid his head on them, -and started to drop away into slumber like -a sweet little two-year-old; but he hadn’t been in that attitude more’ll ten minutes when lie suddenly straightened up, let- off a mighty yell, and tried to climb on to the yard. “What on earth’s the matter?” I demanded. “Shark!” yelled Panny. “It's got me by tli© leg! Take it. off!” and with that ho turned a complete somersault over the yard and cam© down on my side. As his feet rose out of the water I saw that the end of the rope had wound around on© of them, and had given him the scare. 1 called him down, got him over on his own side again, and told him to go back to bed. “Not for mine,” he answered. “It’ll be a sure enough shark next time. I ain’t going to' do any more sleeping until 1 get ashore.” “In which case I’ll just take a crack at this mid-occau snoozing, myself,” says I. 1 was plumb tired out and actually did doze off for a spell, but it couldn’t ’a’ been more’ll ten minutes when I felt Panny shaking me. “What’s that noise?” he asked, as I raised l my head. I cocked up my ear to listen and the next, minute I let off a yell. Funny how you’ll recognise a familiar sound, no matter where it happens to bo, ain’t it. You hear a rooster crow, and it don’t make any difference whether it’s in the barnyard or the middle of Death Valley, you know it’s a rooster. That’s the way it was when I heard that sound, it was away out in the middle of the Pacific ocean, but there was no mistaking that low, humming roar—l used to live in little old Kansas and had heard it too often to get my guesses mixed. “It’s a cyclone!” I yelled.

“Aw, what’re you giving us?” growled Panny. “Cyclone ’way outhero in the middle of the ocean?” “You’re right whooping it is,” I an. swered. “You can’t fool me there! Sounds like it is coming this way, too!” As the humming roar grew louder and louder I looked off anxiously in the direction of the sound, and suddenly a huge, black cohunn loomed up before me. “Look out!” I yelled, “she’s going to hit us. Hang on to tile log ! v I hadn’t any more’n said it avlien “swoosh!” the column struck us and wo were snatched into it like we were a couple of ants on a straw. Instantly I was whirling around in a roaring, whirling, seething mass of water, holding my breath, and hanging on to that yard for dear life. Li some way I managed to disentangle myself from the rope, and as the yard had remained in a horizontal position aiid was spinning around like the spoko of a wheel, I began to slido toward tlio end from tlio centrifugal force. A second later my head popped out into the air, and if I hadn’t closed down on the yard with both arms I would ’a’ gone flying off the end. About three feet was sticking out the side of the cyelone, or water-spout, as they call ’em on the ocean, and I was astride that- little three feet and whirling along like a runaway nierry-go-round. My previous acquaintance with cyclones told me that we were moving across the* vast and mighty deep at the rate of a little matter of eighty miles an hour, and I also knew that wo were moving towards the schooner. Of course, with the whirling I had lost- all sense of direction, but by looking straight ahead I could get a sort of gyratory bird's-eye view of the ocean.- I appeared to be about thirtyfive feet from the surface of the sea and slowly rising. With each revolution a light, would flash out ahead of me, and oach time it flashed' it seemed to be nearer, until finally I saAV that it was the stern lights of the schooner, and that A\ r o Avcre bearing right down on her, A minute later avo hit her with an aAvful smash. The yard I was riding banged against the main mast, snapping me off like a fly, and sending me sailing through air so full of . water that it’d taken an oxpei-t to tell it from the real thing. Then I hit a taut rope, ricocheted, back, and landed sprawling on the deck, right by ■the break of the poop. The schooner was rocking and buckjumping around like a locoed bronco. The crew Avas boiling up out of the forecastle hatch, and the captain and mate came bounding out of .the cabin. I had sense enough to know that it would he Wealthier for me to- keep out of sight, and I scrambled up the steps

leading to tlie poop, and crawled toward'the stern on\my . hands -and knees. As X rounded the end of tlio after-cabin I bumped into Panny, who was coining from tho opposite direction. . - . . " “Hello!” says lie in • surprise, “how’d yoxi get here?” “Rode in on the end of that yard. Where were you?” “On the other end. Let’s go out of eight somewhere.” ■ I looked up and saw that the wheel was deserted and was whirling around like a pin-wheel with its tail afire. Tho wheelman had probably been washed overboard. “Come on this way,” whispered Fanny, pointing to an opening in the cabin that I afterwards learned was the after companion-way. AVe both took a dive into it, rolled down the stairs, and crawled through an open door. A lantern was swinging from the ceiling, and by its light I could see that we were in a small compartment, with a bunk and a large chest at one end, and table and eliairs at the other. One of the first tilings I noticed was our guns and cartridge-belts hanging to a hook on the wall, and with a muffled whoop of joy I scrambled up, and ilia jiffy had mine strapped on and was passing Fanny’s down to him. “There now, I feel more' like somebody,” says ho when he had put. it on. “What’ll the next move be?” “We’ll stay right here for the present and figure out what we’re going to do,” I answered. “When them coyotes outside find that we’re oil board again, there’s going to be ructions, and we want to be prepared.” The ship had steadied down again, and was fairly quiet. Overhead we could hear the captain and mates baivliug out orders and the crew hustling around setting things in shape. That cyclone had sure stirred things up pretty general, up there. We sat down on "the chest, which was in such a position that we would be behind the door When it was opened, and which would give us a chance to get the drop on whoever entered.

“Looks to me like we’ll have to hold up the whole outfit if we want to get out of this thing alive,” whispered Fanny. , “Then we’ll do it,” I answered. “Maybe if we get ’em cornered we can make ’em take us back home. We’ll make a try for it, anyway.” For fully an hour we sat there and waited, listening to the trampling and shouting up above. Then things began to quiet down, and a few minutes later we heard someone Coming down the companion-way. - Wo were on our feet with guns drawn and -ready for any emergency when the door opened and the captain stepped in. Being behind the door be didn’t, notice our presence till I rammed tho .muzzle of my gun into his ribs and whispered : “Don’t you make a murmur or I’ll perforate you, sure.” He twisted his head around where he could take a squint down the barrel of Panny’s gun, and seeing that we had him dead to rights ho gavo up without a whimper. In a jiffy we had him liog-tied ilown to his bunk and gagged so he couldn’t even grunt. Then we sat down on the chest again and waited for something else to turn up. “It wouldn’t be a bad idea to. put all the officers right Avhere we have this one,” suggested Fanny. “If we can do that I reckon we can bluff the crew into sailing us back all right.” Just then we heard steps coming down the companion-way, and hushed up. Someone walked along the alley, outside, and entered the compartment opposite tho one we were in, and a minute later we heard him flop into his bunk. “That’s probably one of the mates,” whispered Fanny. We-Ji get him next.”

We waited until we thought he must be asleep, and then stole soltly out into the alley. The door opposite was slightly ajar, and peeping through the crack we could see, by the dun light inside, the form of the first mate asleep on the bunk. Gently pushing the door open, we crept to the side of the bunk; then 1 tapped him on the chest with one hand and pressed my gun down firmly against his thorax so’s it couldn t iat_ tie out loud; with the other.

He opened his eyes quick and started to make somo remarks, but shut up in a hurry when he saw our guns ready to make a few on their own hook ii occasion demanded, and fivo minutes later ; we had him roped down and gagged. - f Then we started up on deck to get the other mate, and met him' right at the top of the companion-way. Matey was ours and roped down with his. friends in the cabin before he hat time to realise that we had got back again. Of course we had to do a little grumbling, but he didn’t speak loud enough so’s ' you’d notice, after we asked him not to.

“Now let.’© just cavort, around and see what the crow thinks about these doings,” says I as we started for the deck again. rounded them all up, from the helmsman to the cookt and called the men- up out of the forecastle. I explained the case to them in plain language without any frills tacked in it, 'and told ’em to make up their minds whether they, were going to stand by Panny and me, or the captain. • “You see,” I concluded, “my partner and me were doped 1 and brought

] aboard this vessel without any previous notification or'' consent on our part, and now that wo’vo got the drop, wo propose to sail right back home again. If any of you fellers has got an argument to tho_ contrary, now’s the time to spout her out.” Four of tlio' crew stepped out from tho rest and came over beside us. “We were shanghaied, too,” one of them informed ns, “and of course wo’ll stand by youT” That left three of the crew to buck and I begun to see that, it would be easy going for us. “Hoiv about the rest of you?” I asked. ..“Do you stick by the officers?” Au old tar stepped forward. and took off his cap. “Looky here, males,” says he, “I can see that you’ve got. us double-reefed and on the rocks; but we’re' regularly booked for this voyage, and the skipper has the articles to prove it. If we can help you sail this schooner back to San ..Francisco, they can throw us into gaol for mutiny. Of course they can’t touch you lads, seeing as how you ain’t signed up.” “They won’t throw you into gaol if I know it,” 1 answered. “And I can’t see how it’s going to do you any good to stand bv your officers, anyway. We hold the gun-hand and can shoot off tho whole bunch if you don’t obey orders.”

“If you’ll stand back o’ That statement after we get to port it’ll prove to the magistrate that we couldn’t do otherwise than obey orders,” says the tar.

“I’ll back np any statement I make. You’re to obey orders and return to San Francisco because you can’t do otherwise without getting shot up, is that’ it?”

“Right you are mate.” answered the tar. “Consider me under orders now.”

The other two ha<T more or less grumbling to do over the thing, but when one of the men suggested that we put ’em in irons and throw ’em in the hold, they came round fast enough .

"Half an hour later we had turned about and wove sailing gaily back to San Francisco, with Hie old tar bossing the job,, which lie did to the queen’s taste. Wo were three days getting back, and our main diversion during that spell was licking them mates and the captain, which we did twice a day all tlio way in. We felt like we had that coming without extra charge. Rut that was nothing to what we gave Mr. Whiskers Mugsgrew. When we had done with him he was so sore that he wont right out of the shanghaiing business—took to growing early taters for the San Francisco hotels.