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Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2443, 6 March 1909, Page 9 (Supplement)

i Modern adjustments do not err on the side of harshness. Morally { speaking, our temptation is to'acquit the convicted law-breaker without further inquiry.—Lord Robert Cecil, in the “Cornhill.”

A man isn’t necessarily two-faced because he has a double chin.

“Your red hat and your red blouse are enough to make the cattle wild •with excitement.” She: “And yet you are keeping very quiet.”

“I have been taking some moving pictures of life on your farm.” “Did you ketch the hired man in motion?” “I did.” “Ah, science ken do anything these days.”

“What you ignorantly term the snail’s horns, Bridget, are really its eyes.” Bridget: “Glory be! Pwhat an illigant arrangement for lukin’ through a kay-hole!”

Mrs. Newrich: “Are you Mr. Easel?” Mr. E. : “Yes, madam. “The painter of miniatures?” Yes, madam.” “What’ll you charge to paint a life-sized miniature of my daughter?”

Susie had left her toys about the kitchen. Mother ( picking them up): “Susie, if you leave these things about the kitchen again I’ll box yur ears and throw them into the ashpit.” Employer (angrily): “What are you throwing those handbills on the P3- v ®" ment for?” Bill Distributor: Well, guv’nor, that’s wot the people docs I gives ’em to. So its only saving time.” HER REASON FOR IT. One day last week an old lady entered the waterworks office. A gentleman chancing to be leaving the building encountered the woman m lower corridor and directed her to the floor above. She ascended the stairs and made straight for the chief office. In the outer room she I met a gentlemanly and urbane assist- \ ant, and the following dialogue en- / “Is this the waterworks office?” \ ‘-'\ o , ma’am; that is right across the hall.” “Is the office open now." “Yes, but it will close in about a minute,” said the polite officer, glancing at his watch. . . “Well. then. I’ll come again m the morning'. I say, young man, what a the matter with the reservoirs." “I didn’t know they were out of order. I supposed they were full of water.” ‘•'Then why is -it we don't get any water in our house ” I’m sure I don’t know.” “Do you think they could tell me at the waterworks office?” “They might give you some information.”

“What time does the office open in he morning?”

“Ten o’clock.” “'What! and closes at four ” “And closes at four ma’am.” “Well, it’s no wonder we < don’t have any water, if the office isn’t open, any longer than that 2”