CRICKET AS SHE IS SPOKE.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2598, 4 September 1909, Page 1 (Supplement)

CRICKET AS SHE IS SPOKE.

A DIALOGUE AT LORD’S. He: The Australians are at the -wickets, and the Englishmen are in the field. She: Who is the man with the black gloves ? He: The wicketkeeper. She: Why does he wear black gloves? Ho: So as not to get his hands hurt. She: Don’t the others get their hands hurt? He: Sometimes. She: Why don’t they wear black gloves ? Ho: It’s not usual. She; Are the always black? He (desperately): The color doesn’t matter. They can be blue or green, for that matter. She: I see.

She: The batting man hit the ball that time. How much does that count? He: Nothing. They didn’t run. It doesn’t count unless they run, unless there’s a bye or a no-ball or a boundary. She: What is a bye? He: When the ball gets past the wic-ket-keeper. She: It’s dreadfully hard to grasp. He: Y’ouTl soon tumble to it if you watch.

She (after a silence): Hirst is very fat. What age is he? He: About 40. She: I thought they were all young men. Are they paid well? He : Rather. About £5 a week. The Australians get half the gate. She: What is the gate? He: The money paid for admission. She: Are the Australians gentlemen ? He: Yes. She: Are the Englishmen gentlemen? He: Two of them are. The other nine are professionals. She: Do they get half the gate? He: No. She: Is that fair? He (wearily): Oh, they do very well. She* What did that batting man say just now? „ He: He said “No.” He told the other man not t-o run. She: Is he the captain ? He: No, dear. Noble is the captain. She: Oh, I want to see Noble. Where is he?

He: In the pavilion. She: Does he not play? He: Not until his turn comes. She: But the other captain is playing. Whv aren’t the two captains playing ? " It’s funny to have only one captain at a time. How do his men know what to do Can they do what they like ? He: They can, dear. Any blooming tiling. , , . „ She: Then why is there a captain? Does a captain get paid more than the others ? He: No, dear. He’s a gentleman. He isn’t naid at all. She: I’m sorry for the poor men that have to walk about so much. They must he very tired. Are they allowed to sit down? , , „ She: Well, I can’t see what attraction there is in cricket. I do wish, it was lunchtime.

He: So do I. He’s out! She: Is he an EngHshman? He: No, dear. Do try to grasp the difference between the two sides. The Australians are— She: Oh, don’t explain any more, Jack. I. have a headache. —James Douglas, in the London “Leader.”

Some time ago it was stated thfiS IVTirs Amy Castles had sung before the Princess Alexandra of Teck, and that the young Australian was generally complimented by the distinguished company gathered at that private recital. That these opinions were more than a convential expression of courtesv has since been shown by the princess, who recently requested Miss Castles to sing at the Austral Club, one of the most exclusive centres of culture devoted to women’s interests in London.

The Bishop of Ripon delivered a striking speech on behalf of the (Sheffield Guild of Help which numbers about 1.000 members. Dr Boyd-Car-penter warned his hearers against a spurious or sentimental sympathy. “There are people who are wonderfully sympathetic when reading certain books X have seen tears come into their eyes when they have been reading ‘Little Dorrit’ or the death of poor Joe in ‘Bleak House,’ or Paul Dombey by the sad sea waves —but I cannot help sayino- that, though I welcome the story will unlock the fountains of our tears and make us feel that there is something better than mere selfish love, I know of nothing more dangerous than the provocation of these gentle feelings when they are not followed by practical activity. Struss thinks that the progressive composer should not be too quickly blamed, but first encouraged, in order that he may add to the forms of composition, and that his work should first be regarded as that of a composer who has anticipated the methods of his colleagues. “Nothing,” he said to the interviewer, “is worse than adherence to old-fashioned forms.”