The Ladies Magazine.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2603, 10 September 1909, Page 1 (Supplement)

The Ladies Magazine.

THE MONEY QUESTION BEiTWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE.

AS IT HAS BEEN WORKED OUT IN SEVERAL HOMES.

(From the ‘.‘Ladies’ Homo Journal.")'

When I married' I had the usual number of working theories on the disposition of money matters between husband and wife. Married women of my acquaintance, with the generous desire of most matrons to let girls know as many of the undesirable conditions of matrimony as possible, had held forth in my presence on the so-called 4 ‘humiliations" to which wives were subjected in their endeavors to get a little spending money from their husbands. 1 had listened with appropriate comments and outward though cherishing, as does every giii in. similar circumstances, the conviction that in. my special case matters would be different. . \ And they- were. After a happy married life of a mimber of years I can truthfully say that whatever small differences my husband and I may have had about the management of our affairs, the rearing of our children, the investment of our few surplus dollars and other things of like character, the burning “money question” which disturbs so many households has no place in our home. lii the beginning of our married life we talked the matter over like two sensible beings. My husband was a salaried man and we knew positively what we had to depend upon. For some time after our marriage my own private supplies of money were so small as to be practically a negligible quantity and I turned naturally to my husband for all I spent., We both appreciated the fact that we must be careful if we were not to suffer from a deficit. So we settled how the income' should be divided. The fixed sum devoted to rent should have something laid aside toward it each week (my husband drew his pay every Saturday). From the remainder a fair sum wa© given me for household expenses. There were to be no bills except by the week. My allowance was to pay for all food including ice and milk, for light and for service. Tile fuel was to be considered separately. What was left of the money after the various appropriations was put into a 1 certain drawer in a desk and we were to take from it as we needed, neither feeling obliged to give an account to the other. When there was a purchase of any moment to be made, however, we always discussed it together, so that both should not plan to mako a inn on our bank at the same time. Anything I could save from my housekeeping allowance was my own to do with as. I pleased, either for the- house, for my-self-or for anything eke. _ Such items as pew rents, charities,' gifts, and so oh, we paid for out of the common fund. V' After a while I began to make a little money by my. pen, and I shall never forget my husband’s pride in this and his insistence that I should either spend my earnings for my personal enjoyment or adornment or put them in the Gavings-bank for future needs. But fit never seemed to me that there should be a hard-and-fast-line of “mine and. thine” in such circumstances. Ihe money- went as it was needed for uncovenanted expenses that mo had not reckoned" with in our earlier plans. My -husband held nothing back. Ho never accused me of iavishness or asked mo how I spent the last cheque I received. On the other hand, he did not carry this respect for my financial freedom to the point where _it wolild have seemed a studied avoidance- of comment —an attitude whicii almost always argue® a lack of perfect confidence. If an unexpectedly heavy bill'came in which it would embarrass him to -meet he turned to me as readily as I would have done to him in similar circumstances. “My life insurance comes due next week ” it would perhaps. be, “and it will interfere with my paying my tailor’s' bill. Can you help mo out?”. Then, again, (there was quite as likely /an announcement from me that I needed a new hat or coat, or that any dressmaker's bill was due, or that there was ‘a lack of this or that in the house and I would have to take extra money for fit from our fund'. > The understanding between us on thpse l matters was perfect. I recall hearing at one time, the remark, “When a man will trust a wife with-Ins-nanie; his 'honor vand his children* and will not. trust‘her with his purse, it is • easy to see- on ,: which • he • puts the* highest value,” and thinking l that in out 'household such' a sentiment as that would carry : no"weight; Of course, I shall be told that my experience is exceptional. In fact, I have already - been told that so many, times that I'filially started a little investigation along this line. Rather to my surprise my own" opinion has been confirmed. I have asked pointblank questions of women wlio- would /not Ist their husbands’ stand in the way of their telling the truth, and with few exceptions the testimony has been in favor of the lords of creation. Differ ent methods are practised in different families; but the outcome is practically the same . . “Never- have L had to ask my husband: for money*’ ’ said one woman. 1 “The - first week wo began housekeeping I found a roll of money in my- top drawer. When ! asked my husband what ‘it was for he said it was*fpr domestic and. 1 personal' expenses - . Every week' sinbe' then the money “has ' been in its place.- : If our-expenses, are urn usually heavy*- from company or anything else, the Bum •in the drawer. :is larger My. husband pays the rent, the bills- for gas and. fuel; repairs and,-the like,' arid when there is a special purchase to-be .made; such: as or anything,of that sort, -I send- the biR to him,■ The money he .gives mo pays housekeeping bills; and incidental pe Bonal 1 items, but dressmakers . and dry-goods ' accounts 'he always settles without a complaint. Of course?, I know ips income and take ■ care..not go bevorid ’what, he can afford. _ _ , “Mv husband pays me a regular : housekeeping aHowancd and ha®Monetx) over since we were'married; said an Sr woman;other extra expenses I tell , him abou them and- he hands-mo the additional money needed. • Usually -he does this, anyway, with no reminder from me. He/also,maker me 7 an allowance personal 1 expenses-Address, and_whe Le earns money outside his salary oy *

extra literary work he gi ves me a percentage on that and never ask© me what Ido with it. I may put it in the savings-bank—l generally do—or on my back, or spend it as I please. It is absolutely mine. We have never had the least dissension or misunderstanding about money matters.” “My husband makes me an allowance,” says another, “and then, as I have a little money of my own, it is understood between us that I assume certain expenses. But if I have an unusually heavy puli upon mo I toll him that I cannot afford to pay for this or that- and would like to;be helped out. If he can do it he does ; if ho can’t he say’s so frankly* and tells mo I will have to wait until a little later on in the month when he will be a- little easier. There is never any hard'feeling about money between us.” . “I can’t .recollect' that I ever mind asking by husband for money,” was the rejoinder of- another woman who had been married for nearly twentyfive years. “I always make out the cheques for what I want and my husband signs them without, even looking at them. I believe that I know more about his monev status than he does himself, for I keep the accounts. ••Indeed,” -sheadded, reflectively, “I think I rather like asking-him- for money. We both of us feel that it is as much mine as it is his, but it gives him a pleasure to hand it to me.” These are only a few women I have asked,/ but. I have heard from many others of like experience and testimony. As a matter of. course, there is go mo evidenoe on the other side. There was a woman whom I myself knew, the wife of a rich. mail, who could never make, a cash, donation, to church or charity, but would present, pro virions or household supplies which she could procure from her grocer or market-man or from the dry-goods merchant, anti have charged on the family bills. Her husband was what is called a “generous provider,” and he never questioned the household accounts, but paid them promptly. When it came to giving bis wife ready; money, however, it .was an entirely different matter. How do I know what you would do with it?” he would inquire. . Then there was the pleasing case of the woman whose husband would allow her to run up long bill® and pay them cheerfully, but who never allowed her a penny of cash. “What do you need of it?” he would ..ask. “You have your/ carriage, so -you don’t require carfare, and I pay all your bills. Finally he was summoned West on. a business trip, and with many injunctions to caution, handed his wire ten dollars in case of sudden need dunng his fortnight’s absence. By the time he was safely down-town. his wife sallied forth, and in. the joy of a full purse recklessly expended twenty-five cents on. caramels. The Fates were against her l A telegram from tne West decided her husband to. abandon the trip, and when he came home at night ho demanded : an account of her stewardship and the return of the_ ten dollars. With blushes and tears she confessed her extravagance. Her husband looked at her. sternly. “Have. I uot- always said 1 you were not fit to be trusted SitKioney,?‘- W said.' "This proves But saeh instances _as these, which would be ludicrous did they not mdi cate a good deal of real suffering and humiHatin on-art of -certain marned women, only to serve to show in brigh ,T“ rol* »fe many ,oa«» of ‘ Who look , upon their wives as joint bwners of the family, income, -who recognise their rights as partners m household, or who appreciate the .fact that the woman who is bis wife, meih t housekeeper., often maid;of-all^ork, earns something f more than her hpa , lodging, and clothes. ... 1 With/ no idea -of proving myself..J traitor to my sex.-.; 1 , may.,say many cases . I believe, the woman !., mueh .to * blame for the unhappy state df affairs which' prevails m some_ homes with regard to money-matters •_ perhaps it is her misfortune/ rather-than* her fault.. Occasionally she.is a- hh>L lack .of sense,” to quotes telling southern . phrase: Often her 'training's re sponsible for hAr attitiide'-'towards the. money question,. l am not referring .now to the extravagant girls i whose ■ recklessness, begga.rs husbands,- thrusts them, into careers of crime and* wrecks -their /lives* as ha® ; been' thrillingly 7 recounted; in' tales ot ; . “high; life.#' I Am. talking of the everyday; girl; who marries • for • love -and. urndci stands 1 that -shemust practice a cer- - tain ■ degree of economy; Usually suo intends to be a real helpmeet : to her husband;' and a littW saving/ wmnion.Senso would /make-her m/rried . lite' a success. But either she knows little of - money or else she holds a false attitude toward- her husband'/ and ■ he; - poor-man, has not had.experierice enough to know' how 1 to - take hold- of matters / anjl.’ straighten-’them but.- He is .riot', famil--iar with .Women! and ? their* ways. .-Hie<

never- minded going to his. ; father foe: cash before he began to work himsolr, and it does not.occur to him that'his wife would 7 feel it' any u “humiliation’ ’ to come to him for fundri He would Have given her an allowance “like a' shot,” he would tell you, if he had thought of it.: _ i I am sorry for that man: if he has a fool 1 wife! Perhiaps he has been ’'unfortunate enough to .marry one whp talks a good deal> about ‘hoik terfse' of f justice and. yet feels herself 'wronged because; the 1 fact'that she lias no money has: not suggested itself to her husband/ although as .a wife she' lias 7 a right* to it. As a matter of oourse he should have- thought of it himself, .but when 1 the unexpected- does not/happen* -would, there not ho more justice in giving 7 a man' a chance .to say whether -his beg-/ loot /was’ thoughtlessness’ or malice-p,rei p-ense? ' . •Few and far between, I truly., believe, are the men,'.married‘to sensible women in whose judgment and. dTsbretipri they have confidence; Who would reffipey.’jfc .systematic': allowance to. a wife, - or. grudge*' to - accord her "as a * right', rather than- a favor, any. amount of , money/ warranted bjvtheir incomes. If the,woman to -whom her husband fails.to offer, money,; for domestio.expenses or her personal use would refuse to harbor/ morbid, feeling and a false sense of injustice; and would go to her husband, sliowhim.the situation'; and talk it over - with him' calmly “as - man ;to mah, ” without /hysteria.- or ■; sentimentality, both: husband’ and wife might be: spared. many ’ great- mistakes, and: misunderstandings. It; may/riot be bo easy to some women to do this'as they fancy themselves ill-treated arid _ brood, over it, but;* from the standpoint of an everv-day woman who likes to be comfortable, I- should- say-, it would be very much pleasanter! :' ’ ' : V .. - . ■. . .

OUR BABIES.

(By Hygeia.) Published under the auspices of the Society for the Promotion of tho Health of Women and Children. ADDRESSES OF PLUNKET NURSES AND SECRETTES/Wellington.—Plunket Nurse M'Donald. 73 Arc- street.; Tel. 2425. Hon. Bee., Mrs. M‘Vicar, 45 Majoribunks street. City. Tel. 2624. Auckland. —Plunket Nurse Chappel, Park street. Tel. 851. Office of Society, 2 Chancery street. Tel. 829. Office hours Tuesdays and Fridays, 2.20 to 4 p.m. Hon. sec., Mrs. W. H. Parkes, Marinoto, Symands street, Tel. 240. / ' Napier.—Plunket Nurse Donald, Masonic. Hotel. Tel. 87. Hon. sec., Mrs., E. A. W. .Henley, P.O. Box 64. Tel. 147. Society’s Baby Hospital, Karitane Home, Andersen’s Bay, Dunedin. Tel. 1985. Demonstrations on points of interest to mothers are gven by the matron every Wednesday afternoon, from 2.30-to 3.30. All mothers invited. Messages may be left at any time at the Plunket Nurses’ Offices or private addresses. The Society’s official sheet of instructions, written by Dr. Truby King,) price 3d (postage free), and all other information available from the. lion, .secretary of each branch.

A previous article on Mastication, which appeared in this column a fortnight; ago,, showed the extreme , im; portance of exercising the jaws by giving babies and young children some food /needing thorough chewing, instead of limiting them to “pap,” when they have got - beyond the stage of mother’s milk. This providing of food which needs work to be done on it is equally important during the second year, and ~ exerts profound influence over the * ‘manufacture and ,setting” of the permanent teeth if continued until they (have all .come through the guins arid taken up their life work—to say nothing of the value of proper eating habits as aids to. digestion throughput; life. To the expectant, and nursing mother, thorough ‘mastication is of special /significance, and, (the imports ance of the' whale subject can scarcely be over estimated. The following . extracts from Dr. Henry Campbell will lielp parents to realise the duty they owe to their offspring from first to last in this very practical field of true education. MASTICATION, (Adapted from Dr. Henry Campbell.) Mastication Promotes the Flow of the Saliva and the Insalivation.'of the Food, i—The more the food is masticated the more completely is it insalivated. Now, inasmuch as starch is converted by the saliva, first into dextrine and then into maltose, it follows that the whole of the starch of the food ingested , may be formed into maltose within the mouth if only mastication is persisted in long 'enough: and it is surely better for the individual to manufacture his maltose within the laboratory of. his own organism than to have it administered to him in the form of the artificially prepared “malt extracts;” yet, strange to say, patients are often allowed / these extracts when they are forbidden starchy foods 7 , when they could, by adequate mastication, quite easily convert into maltoise :for themselves;- As a matter of- : fact, starchy foods* if sufficiently insaliv&ted, are seldom indigestible'.' ’ | Mastication Increases the A mount of Alkaline Saliva': Passing into . the Stomachy and thus' not’ only 1 . prolongs period :of, starch digestion :iri. that organ; but influences; gastric digeptibn in other ways'; 1 it is probable , that a deficiency 'ofalkaline ealiVia in the Stomach is inimical to normal digestion, j (Memo , by ‘‘Hygeia.”—Mothers should clearly' understand /that. tnA salivary glands are late in develo|iing, and that therefore starch does not hori 1 liially form part of the food until the baby is, nhie months-oldo- After; that age* f Nature provides ;l for a■; steadily-' inoreasirig . flow -of saliva. Hence y the needdfor intteducing ruslhk, bread;- cereal/ jellies*-: ete;‘ to keep pace>withrtho growtlli - of/ the -child’s starch-digestive organs.)/' v - ; ' : / .. 'Mastication, promotes- the; flow- of gastfid juice, and thhs prepares the stomach for 'the reception; of food. The effect is probably ' produced '- chiefly through the' medium ; of psychic influence, 'for the more efficientlyy ;masticatiQri is perffirmed ;thC i hiore effectually . is ;the- sense of 1 taSte:bxciiCd/; Mlastfcation : stimulates the heart and, so promotes the circulation.. —lnfluenoe roil Mastioation ■ on; the Jaw and -Ad j acent Structures.—

Muscles of Mastication,—Seeing that all' rhythmic museuliif contractions < Gti-mulate-the flow-' of blood ! and- lymph, not only the contracting muscles themselves, but in the neighboring, parts also, > ;it t follows -that ■ the exe rciso of the masticatory muscles, Which are. far more massive thaw is generally-realised, influences/ with their s owh •nutrition* . that of the important structures adjacent' to them—-i.e., the jaw-bones, salivary -glands, mucous membrane, of mouth*, soft' palate, tonsils,-., pharynx/ andf'eavities 5 ’ of-ithe nose,? etc; All these* parts are,f duringmastication*: copiously, flushed with.vhlood-' and lymph* their nutrition.:! being '‘ correspondingly, stimulated, arnH it'is-- hot, therefore, surprising that’ in those who*- ; from-child- 1 hood'' upwards*i haver -been-' accustomed; W ?inasttcate;'efficiently/they'.shpuld v bp? well', developed, :tb'e> ja>ys well-grown and shapely* the '• teeth’ 'sounda andp regular* the/iongue.-(for we-musthotforgbtthat, it j 'too, 1 isa.!, masticatory muSclCh 'and-, thlfeU salivary ‘glands large* tbb - nasal affijl' nCso'-pharypi^eal/ I passages : spacious? month • and. - adjoining cavities-Ihealtliy andHhati hivithel 'other hand* in! those who have, never -adequately ex-ercieod ; their - nmsficator’y'muscles thUse' various structures r should bU f ill-developed' arid -; liable. t 6 diSeasel alt should ( be : observed *• th v at 'sbm^j/of' the largest muscles which cause the movements of the lower jaw during masti-cation-arise‘from. the very ■ region whence* adenoids spring. > . : The- JftWrbories.—That the jaws, do not attain normal: sizenntil' properly exercised! is shown. by .the - oyetferowd-/ ed, teeth of; those. brought' up on soft foods* even in .the absence of. that peculiar. deformity of the jaws resulting from ..mouth-breathing, which, as w.e shall see* iafr itself the- direct result of inefficient mastication. . - Thto ..Teeth.—-But Were Ithere any doubt“on these matters, it is.only neces r

j child, ©o dissected as. to display ajf the embedded teeth, without bei/ ./ assured cf tho influence .<_»£.• mastication in .pro*, hutting theif/ nonnai develop?U'/nt and: eruption ? J? ifty-twa teeth meet the | view; the entire region, from the orbital rims to tho interior border of the mandible is, in fact, a mosaic of thorn* temporary and permanent, the Latter in various ph ra.se© of gowth, and only by efficient mastication that shall ensure the condition© necessary to it can their adequate development possibly be brought about. It is mastication alone that can stimulate the circulation—in the tootli-gcrms that they may grow, and in tho jaws that, when grown, the teeth shall find room ; ana mastication, again, is necessary to enable ..the permanent teeth to take, up their normal positions,-eo as to secure a good “bite”—i.e., proper apposition of the upper and lower teeth. The pressure of the two. rows of teeth against each other make for a healthy condition alike of the teeth, the sockets containing them, and the surrounding tissues of the gums, inasmuch as dt stimulates the circulation in tooth-pulp, tobth-sockets, and adjacent parts. Hence disease of the teeth and toothsockets (decay, aboess, etc.,) is much more common in inefficient than in efficient masticators./ A few words may here be, said regarding the influence of mastication in. wearing down the teeth. Those who masticate well wear away their teeth considerably. This is due, not so much to the attribution of coarse, hard food against the teeth, as to that of the opposing teeth against one, another, for it must be remembered,that in normal mastication there arc not: merely; pressed vertically one upon another, but ako are made to grind against one another by a lateral and segittal movement . U/in d. person, say over 30, we find/little or no wearing down of the fceeth,. we may be sure that lie does not masticate proHerly; the information which "this sihiple test gives may. often causd' us toi, surprise our patients .by passing an, accurate opinion on their masticatory habits. I suppose it is because the English; p«oplo> nurtured principally on soft food, do not wear their teeth down, and still more because, not using their teeth properly these tend to grow out of their sockets, and thus appear unduly long, that our Continental neighbors regard us as being large and long in tho tooth, ana as /sucli so . frequently , represent John 'Bpll iiy their/partbons.