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Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2603, 10 September 1909, Page 1 (Supplement)

“Here!” shouted the railway official, “what do you mean by throwing those trunks about like that?” The porter gasped in astonishment, and several travellers -’inched themselves to make sure that it wan real. . Then the official spoke again: “Don’t you see that you’re making big dents in this concrete platform?” A clergyman, who was not aveXe to an occasional glass, hired an Irishman to clean out his cellar. The Irishman began his work. He brought forth a lot of empty whisky bottles, and as ho lifted each one looked through it at the sun. The preacher, who was walking on the lawn, saw him, and said:— “They axe all dead ones, Pat.’ “They are!” said Pat. “Well, there is one good thing about it, they all had the minister with them when they were dying.” The other-people’s-business man persisted in trying to extract information from a prosperous-looking elderly man next him in the smoker. “How many people work in your office?” he .asked. . ' > “Oh,” said the elderly man getting up and throwing away bis cigar, “I should say, at a rough guess, about two-thirds of them.” Mrs Sharp: “Have you filed those divorce papers for me? If so, I want you to stop them at once.” Lawyer : “Have you made it up with your husband?” __ ~- Mrs Sharp: “Good gracious, no! But he’s just been run over and killed by a motor-car, and I want to sue the owner for damages.” Willie had tried by various means to interest his father in conversation. “Can’t you see I’m trying to read?” said the exasperated parent. “Now, don’t bother me.” s Willie was silent for almost a minute. Then, reflectively:— “Awful accident in the Tube to-day. Father looked up with interest. “What’s that?” he asked. “An accident- in the Tube ” “Yes,” replied Willie, edging .toward ;thp door;, “a woman had her.eye on a seat and a man sat on it.” One morning, when Abraham Lincoln was on his way from home to his office, two girls ahead of him were skipping backward on the sidewalk. As they neared and were within a few feet of him one of them struck the edge of •a brick and fell backward. Before she* reached the ground Mr Lincoln had caught her in his arms. Lifting her tenderly to her feet, he asked the girl her name. “Mary Tuft,” she answered, blushing. ■ : “Well* Mary,” said Lincoln, smiling, “when you reach home you can truthfully tell your mother you hare rested on Abraham’s bosom.”