THE THOU.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2610, 18 September 1909, Page 3 (Supplement)

THE THOU.

(By Eardley Turner in tlie “Bulletin.”) Jim Jeffries has deposited £IOOO with the promoters of the proposed match with Jack Johnson as evidence of his willingness to fight the colored man. —News Item. A thou.l Just a cool thou. —no more, And most decidedly no less; Simply—a thou. JimPuts up that small amount As easily as his “dukes”— One thousand pounds! Money talks, indeed, and rarely uith modesty; It shrieks advertisement when it becomes a thou.! The Avorld sits up and, gasping, reads the cable: “Jim has put up a thou.” ! A.nd yet, to do him justice, Jim—o’er-modest Jim — He might have made it look a great deal more — Dollars! Five thousand dollars—gee! Jim’s patriotic pride (or else his manager) seems absent here. Oh, Jim J., of America, Why not dollars? But still a thou.! Phew! Just a deposit, mind, to bind the match — Jim Jeffries v. Jack Johnson (both J.J.’s But not such jay' jays as the public (WhatP) Just to show willingness, that’s all. A champion can’t do that, it would appear, Unless he flaunts—and lets us know he’s flaunting— A thou. Good Lord, it makes me tremble 1 Help! Assistance! Also a question trembles on my lips, One question—l must ask it: \Vhat of the stakes? Oh, what will thev be worth? When, these two lordly bruisers get together, What Avill the cost he? Don’t tell me straight off Just break it gently, please. I can’t quite realise as yet That thou.!

Mrs Gabbel: “What do, you think, George?” (When, the doctor called the other dlay he asked me to put out my tongue, ,and when I did so he quite hurt me. He —” Mr Gabbel (interposing): “Did he tread on it?”

A meddlesome woman riding in a tramcar J>egan sneering at a young mother’s awkwardness with her baby, and said: “I declare a woman ought never to have a baby until she knows how to ‘hold it!” “Nor a tongue either,” quietly responded the young mother.

“Your daughter’s music is improving,” said the professor, “but v?hen she gets to the scales I have to watch her pretty closely.” , “Just like her father,” said Mrs Nuritoli. “He made his money in the grocery business.”

Solicitor: “And I am sure .you.will find, madam, that this .is the best course to adopt in the e/vent of your friendly letter faffing to produce the effect w& desire.” Client: “Yes, I see, Mr Jones. If I cannot get wliat I want by fair means, I must put tlie matter unreservedly into ,y our hands.”. UNDER EXAMINATION. “Do you knoAv the prisoner well?” asked the attorney. “Never knew him ill,” reptoed the witness. . “Did you. evei J see the prisoner at the .Bar?*’ . ~, . „ * ‘Took many a* drink with num, wias the reply. “How long have you known this man?” . , “From two feet up to five feet ten'. “Stand down,” ydlled the lawyer iri disgust. ~ , “Can’t do it,” said he. “I’ll sit down ’or stamd up.” “Officer, remove that man.” And lie did. PRAISE DIVIDED. _ When the concert ,was over, and the pianist .was driving along the) road to the (country hotel. Avhere he was to .spend the nigjlit, he ventured to -ask his host of the evening if he had enjoyed the playing. “You did first-rate,” said the host. “That’s my opinion. . “Yes,” lie went on, after ri minute, “you certainly did first-rate. You showed .power .and stren’th beyond anything I wer expected to listen to, and you was ligjlitn'ittig quick into .the barfoa“Anybody that heard you could tell you’d Avorked hard and long and steady to get your trade. But I tell ye avlio else had ought to have some credit—that’s the jnan that made the piano you played ,on. “’Taint every instrument that would stand the strain, you put on it, not by a good deal. “I should calll it the praifee! ought to be divided pretty even betAvixt ye.”