HEAVILY HANDICAPPED.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2634, 16 October 1909, Page 4 (Supplement)

HEAVILY HANDICAPPED.

“Sir. I wish to marry your daughter.” faltered the young man. “You do, oh?” exclaimed the fond parent. “ Well, I have been rather exporting this, and, to be thoroughly orthodox. I shall put a few questions to you. Do you drink?” “No, sir. I abhor liquor.” “Do you, eh? Smoke?” “I never use tobacco in any form.” “Well, I didn’t suppose you ate it. Do you frequent the racecourse?” “i never saw a horse-race in my life, air.” “Um-in-m. Play cards for money?” “Emphatically no, sir.” “Well, young man, I must say you are heavily handicapped. My daughter is a thorough society girl, and I can’t for the life of me see what she is going to do with you. However, its her funeral, and if she wants to undertake the job she can risk it.”

HANGING A PICTURE. “George, I wish you would hang that rose picture t-ouight.’ “AH right, iny dear. I’ll do it now. Get me the step-ladder.” “I should think you) might get tho slep-ladder yourself.’ ’ “Where is it?” “Where it’s always kept—on top of the cellar stall's.” “That’s where it’s supposed to be.. Where is it now?” “It is either there or up in the back room, or —let me see—l lent it to Mrs. Johnson yesterday. No, she brought it hack and I left it in the back porch. Oh, yes, I know where it is. You’ll find it in the pantry off the kitelicn.” After twenty minutes search the ladder is discovered. George locates tho spot for the picture and climbs up. “Now hand me the picture, my dear.” “Yes. here it is.” “Where’s the hammer?” “I thought you had it.” “You thought- I had! it! You know very well I didn’t have it. Get it for me right- a way. And wliore’s the nail?” “Didn’t you get a nail either?” “No, I didn’t get a nail either. I supposed if you wanted me to hang the picture you’d have the tools ready. Where’s tho picture-cord?” “Well, for Heaven’s sake, why didn’t you look to see if there was a picturecord on it before you went up there to hang it up?” “Get me the cord, and don’t stop to argue. I’m getting dizzy up here.” “Well, here’s the cord. What else do- you suppose you’ll want?” “Well, I don’t want any more of your lip. I can hang this picture with, out that/’ “Whereupon she left him to get along ws best he could. “Just like a man,” she remarked, as the hammer fell to the floor. “Just- like a woman,” ho muttered, .q s he descended. “Just like a woman. They’ve got nothing to do. and all tho time in the world to do it; and then, by Jingo, they leave it to a man.”