Wit and Humour.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2657, 12 November 1909, Page 4 (Supplement)

Wit and Humour.

John Bull (to the Budget dog): “Good dog! (Wonder whereabouts he’s going to bite me.)" Doctor: Have yiu anv last- wish ? Patient: Yes, i wish I had some other doctor. Ella: There are some men who are always looking at their watches. •Stella : There are others who couldn’t do it, unless they spent their time hanging around a pawnbroker’s. “1 see that ’ere mate o’ yours drank again - yesterday.” “There’s no doubt, Bill, but some blokes are born more gifted than others." Distracted Widow: Don’t try to soothe me. Remember we’ve been married nineteen •'■ears, and now he’s gone! Sympathetic Curate: Y’es, I know —but you forget that he is now at rest! Some of the Italian employees of the mammoth smelter in Shasta County have queer ideas of “English as she is spoke. ’ A recent applicant for attention at the company hospital, when asked what ailed him, replied “Sick finger on foot,” and another described a familiar, old-fashioned complaint as “sick in de belt." A prisoner had been duly convicted of theft, when it was seen, on “proving previous convictions," that he had actually been in prison at the time the theft was committed. “Why didn’t you say so?" asked the judge of the prisoner angrily. “Your lordship, I was afraid of prejudicing the jury against me." Mr Meßooney (slightly indisposed): ’Tis ret enough av these pills yez got me, Norali. It .says, begorry, ‘Take from two t-’ four iv’ry noight,’ an’ bad cess t’ thim. Oi’ve took t-him all, an’ ’tis only quarter past three. “Wot’s become cf old Sammy Silk? I ain’t seen 'im about- for quite a long time.” “Wot, ain't you ’eard? A two-ton block -of stone fell on his chest and killed him." “All, I always said he'd have to be worry careful with that weak chest cf his'n.” A TRYING TIME. Judge: Why did you strike this man? Prisoner: What- would you do, judge, if you kept a grocery store, and a .man came in and asked if he could take a moving picture of-your cheese? A SPORTING EVENT. Mv husband doesn’t mind walking the floor with the baby at- night any more," said Mrs Binks. “Why is that?" asked Mrs Jinks. “He makes believe it’s a “Marathon," said Mrs Binks. “He covered the 26 miles before ten o’clock last- night."