PERSONAL ANECDOTES

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2664, 20 November 1909, Page 3 (Supplement)

PERSONAL ANECDOTES

SUITED FOR ZULULAND

, Of the many amusing stories told about the Duke of Connaught, there is one which has a somewhat grim ending. One morning at Aldershot, a few years ago, during parade-, a telegram was handed to one of the Duke’s brother officers, who happened to be a man of gigantic proportions. In it he was ordered to embark immediately for Zululand. The Duke, who stood near him, observing the surprised expression in the man’s face, asked, “What’s the matter, Tim?” “Orders for Zululand,” was the reply. “Sorry to lose you,” responded the Duke; “but, heavens, what a meal you will make!” Tim never returned from Zululand. DUMA’S FRIEND. Alexandre Dumas could not refuse a request. One day he gave a man a letter to. one of his intimate friends in Brussels. The latter, a wealthy merchant, did everything in his power to. make life pleasant for Dumas’ friend. After the' lapse of a fortnight, the .jnan suddenly disappeared, and with him the best horse in the mer- , chant’s stable. Six months later the merchant visited Dumas, and upbraided him for the kind' of people he recommended to his consideration. “Dear friend,” he added, “your friend- is a shark. He stole the best horse , in, my stable.” Astonished, Dumas raised his hands toward heaven and cried: “What! he stole from you, tool” A SINGER’S REBUKE. Roger, the celebrated French, tenor, was on one occasion engaged for the sum of fifteen hundreds francs to sing at the house of a rich financier. Roger sang his first seng magnificently, but no one paid the slightest attention, and the guests talkeol their loudest. Presently the host thought the time had come for another song, and sent for Roger. He could not be found. Ihe next day a note came from him, occoin. panied by a cheque for two thousand francs. The note ran thus: “I have the honor to return the fifteen hundred francs which I received for s'rging at your party; and I beg leave to ridd five hundred francs for having so. greatly disturbed the conversation of your guests!” MARK TWAIN HOAXED. A very amusing story is being told, by the way, of a hoax that was recently perpetrated on Mark Twain by one of his friends. The latter wrote to the humorist offering to make him a present of an elephant. Unwilling to offend his friend, by refusing this strange gift, Mark Twain .said lie would he delighted to have - the -animal; and lie forthwith gave orders for his garage to be turned into a stable for the newcomer. A few days afterwards a large load of hay arrived, with the compliments of Mark Twain's friend, -who said it was for the .elephant. Later on came a man who said he, was a professional elephant trainer, and after examining the floor of the garage, gave it as hig opinion that the floor would have to he strengthened to support the huge weight of the expected animal. Mark Twain was greatly perturbed by all these preparations, and almost began to wish that he had refused his •friend’s gift. In due course the elephant arrived, late at night, and for some reason or other the celebrated humorist was unable to go and see it until the next morning. It was put in the garage, however, and after breakfast Mark excitedly went to look at it. His surprise may be imagined when he found standing before him a lifersized elephant made of papier-mache. .He - afterwards declared that the practical joke beat any that he himself had ever perpetrated:. ; EXPRESSING CONVICTIONS. “We have with. u& this evening, gentlemen,” said the toastmaster, “an eminent statesman whom we persuaded, almost at the last moment, to grace our festal board with his presence; a man who chooses -to be known by his deeds rather than by his words; a mighty yet modest captain of industry; a man who riever blazons his to ; the world; a man who is positive in his opinions, yet reticent in expressing them—in short, gentlemen, a man whom we delight to honor. I have tlie pleasure of presenting to you the distinguished' citizen and-statesman, Sena-, tor Lotsmun, who will ‘respond to' the toast ‘Statehood for Arizona and New Mexico.’” ' - . . , . . : Amid loud and prolonged cheering, the senator arose. # . “My friends,’ he said, “your toastmaster has taken me completely by surprise. I did not expect to be called upon to make any remarks, and did not know that this subject had been assigned to me. However, gentlemen,” he continued, thrusting his hand beneath the fold of his closely-button-;;ed fropk.:-coat, “every public man who takes any interest in the welfare of his country has the interest of every section of his country at heart. I ao & citizen of the United States, and .nothing that {pertains to the humblest citizen of this country, present or prospective, is or can be foreign to me? Statehood for Arizona and New Mexico Yes, gentlemen 1 Byevery principal of manhood, every nictate or eyery throb of the human heart, yes!” ' V ' ' r Tumultuous applause followed, and the' senator'.'took advantage of the opportunity to stoop over and whisper/ to - his -|private. secretary, .who sat , at “Muggins,” 'he • said, hurriedly, . ' “what’s the correct steer on tins blamed statehood question —joint or separate?”— “Chicago Tribune.”