Wit and Humour.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2664, 20 November 1909, Page 3 (Supplement)

Wit and Humour.

AN AWKWARD COMPLIMEN'I

I r f.I e jtor-General Hormi-Jay. * ; f l.h° AiiiOrican army, was relntii incidents of lamouo national encampments. ‘ I remember one Httle Japanese who attended one of our banquets,” he said, smi ,: Tig, "and a .-jueer compliment that .he paid to the colonel’s wife. J "I sat between the two and the lady said across me, ‘Air.' Takashira, you compress the ladies’ feet in your country, don’t you?’ "‘Oh no, madam; that is a Chinese custom,’ said the Jap. ‘We Japanese allow our ladies’ feet to grow to their full size. Not that’ —and he bowed and hissed in the polite Japanese way—‘not that they could ever hope to rival yours, madam,’ ” QUICK TRAVELLING. One Sunday a number of travellers were applying for refreshments at a public-house m Liverpool, when the following conversation ensued:— "Where are you from?” asked the door-'keeper to an applicant, "Gerston,” said the man. "Slent there last night?” "Yes.” "All right; pass in.” "Where are you from?” to the next. "Birkenhead.” "Slent there last night?” "Yes.” "Pass in.” Just then a time-expired soldier cape along who had arrived from abroad +h-t morning, and asked to be admitted. “Where are you from?” asked the door-keeper. "Hong-Kong,” said the ex-soldier. / "Slept there last night?” "Yes.” "Right; pass in.” NOT A GOOD SAMARITAN. On the outskirts of a small village in the Midlands there lived an old man. whose business was so well "known among the neighbors that he was commonly spoken of as "Old Billy, the Cow Doctor.” Being a general favorite he was often to l>e found at the village public-house, and sometimes he had a difficulty in finding his way home. One dark night, while walking along the road, a gentleman observed the old man resting on a stump in a helpless condition. Not wishing t-o leave him, and yet not caring for a two-mile walk out of his way, he waited in the hope that possibly someone else might pass. Presently he heard a cheery whistle, and, in answer to his "Hallo!” there came forward a rough-looking country lad. "My boy, do you know where Old Billy. the Cow Doctor lives?” "Yes, I do,” was the answer. "Well, here is a. half-crown if you will see him safely home,” at the same time putting the money in his hand. "Aw promise ycu I’ll see him safe,” he replied. "Now, vou are quite sure I can trust you?” persisted the gentleman. "You ecu trust me, mek .sure o’ that;” and then, with a cunning look, as lie put his hand in the pocket with the coin, "Why, he’s mi gronfeyther; Aw com o’ purpose.”