HITTING BACK.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2764, 19 March 1910, Page 3 (Supplement)

HITTING BACK.

HOW CANDIDATES SCORE OFF HECKLERS. (English Paper.) To a candidate perhaps the most annoying of ‘‘hecklers” is the man who interrupts with ridiculous questions, his intention being rather to create laughter than to extract information. “Would you be in favor of fortnightly pay-days once a week?” inquired, a “funny” heckler once without a ghost of a smile on his face. “Would you shut the public-houses on Saturdays between twelve and four, so that working men could get home until their wages?” was of these efforts. While Mr. Scott-Dlxon was once asked, “If elected, will you see that the Clyde Football Club get a bye in the first round for the Cup?” “YES” OR “NO.” A heckler who insisted on getting a reply of “Yes” or “No” to his questions was well caught out by the candidate, who promised to agree, provided the heckler would first answer a certain question in the. same way. This the interrupter promised to do, on which the candidate asked: “Have you stopped beating your wife yet? Now, ‘Yes’ or ‘No’.” And while the man stammered with confusion the meeting shouted with delight at his discomfiture. NOT ALL THERE. No politician is quicker at platform repartee than Mr. Lloyd-George. “I am here—” he began once at a political meeting, when an interrupter chimed in, “And so am I.” “Yes, but. your not all there,” came the biting retort. COULDN’T VETO SWEARING. “Are you in /avor of the repeal of the blasphemy laws?” excitedly asked an old lady at one of Dr. Maenamara’s meetings. “Madam,” replied Dr. “Mac,” gravely, “I am a golfer.” A NEW TOWN FOR GERMANY. One heckler had a bad fall at a meet; ing on the Borders recently. The Unionist candidate was being tackled on some of his Tariff Reform statements, and was askerl what was the difference in the price of bread in Germany compared with this country. “To what part of Germany do you refer?” asked the candidate. The heckler’s strong point was not geography, and when lie blurted out “Brussels,” the roof of the building was in danger of being lifted. WAITING FOR THE TIDE. The Marquess of Tullibardine made a decided “hit” at the last election, when he stood for East Perthshire. He was asked, “Seeing that the Unionist ship is sinking with al] hands, what would you do if elected?” Like a flash canto the. retort: “I am perfectly content to sit on the top of the mast until the tide turns.” “NO TELLING.” - Probably no audience was more tickled than that which Colonel Sir George Kemp addressed, on one occasion, and to whom'he. put the question : ‘What have members been doing in London during the last few weeks?” And seriously there came a woman’s voice, from the back of the hall, “There’s no telling!” SAUCE, GOOSE, AND SENSE. “Let’s have loss sugar-candy and more fact!” someone roared at a meeting in Midlands which whs being addressed by Air. Candy, Tv.C. “And,” said! the irrepressible lawyer, “let’s have less sauce, goose, and more sense.” WANTED A RISE. It is Sir William Alison who tells this story A candidate, after addressing a meeting, announced his willingness to answer questions. “Sir, do you think I air. worth more, than twenty-two shillings a week?” The candidate, taking a good look at him, replied: “Well, at anyrate, I don’t think you are getting any too much.” “Well, then,” demanded the questioner, “do you think I am worth thirty shillings a week?” “Yes,” responded the candidate. “I don’t think that at all an unreasonable wage for you.” “Then,” shouted the elector, triumphantly, "I wish you would tell that to the old image beside you on the chair, because he is my employer.”