ALLEGED HUMOR.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXIX, Issue 3264, 8 July 1911, Page 3

ALLEGED HUMOR.

“How long have you been a widower?’” “Oh. ever since my wife died.”

Comedian: “Is your play .still running?’” Tragedian: “No, but the manager is!”

“Are they lying low on that case?” “I rather suspect they are doing some tall lying.”

Many a man will say, ‘‘Yes 1 understand,’"’ when he thinks you don’t know what you’re talking about.

“How are tilings down your way?” “Well, our police-officer was burgled last week, and yesterday our fire brigade station was burned out.”

Said He: “I have employed an instructor in elocution to teach me how to talk.” -Said She: “Wliat you need is some one to teach you what to say.”

“Do you think your son will forget all he learned at college?” asked a friend. “I hope so,” replied the father. I don’t see how he can earn a living playing games all day.”

“Do you believe- in all the opinions you put forward?” “Yes, I do. But I doubt whether a less able man than myself would be able to convince me of tlie correctness of some of them.”

“Papa,” said the little son of the marine editor, “you know all about ships, don’t you?” “I know something of them, my son. Why do you ask ?” “I onty want to know if seadogs generally go in barques.”

Patrick was ,a true son of Erin, always happy and ready for a joke. One day a farmer passing him shouted goodhumoredly: “Bad luck' to you. Patrick.” “Good luck to you, sir,” was the immediate response, “and may na-t-lier of us be roiglit!”

“Have you heard,” asked Ars Gibson, “that Grace Baxter Inis nanied an octogenarian?” “.Mercy sakos!” exclaimed Mrs Wilson, “is tint- Kir Well, lie may bo all right, bur I’ve never seen a man who shouldn’t oat meat that I’d live with.”

The Bridegroom (on the return from the honeymoon): ‘HTalloa, what’s this? All the bills for your trousseau! Why, I thought your father .paid those?” Bride: “It is customary, dear. But ho thought you would rather do it than give him the humiliation of borrowing the money from you.”

Visitor: “I’ve just come from the doctor’s 1 funeral, but I didn’t see any of you there.” Hostess: “No. My husband didn’t care to go, funerals always upset him.” Visitor: “Ob, well, if you never go to other people’s funerals, I don’t see how you can expect them to come to yours.”