CAN LOVE BE KEPT?

Gisborne Times, Volume XXIX, Issue 3388, 1 December 1911, Page 7

CAN LOVE BE KEPT?

WOMAN’S GREATEST PROBLEMBefore a woman marries tie chiei problem of her life often appears to be to acquire a real and warm love from a worthy man. After she marries she discovers that the real and only problem in life is how to keep that love when it lias been gained. Man’s love is not of the same nature as woman s, any more than the rest of him is like her. What the man wants is the woman; what the woman wants is that the man should want her. You see the difference and how strongly it must work m affecting the lives of both aftei mai,!ge. Not long ago the editress of a woman’s paper wrote to a correspondent: <* J f your fiancee objects to false liaii, wear a plait without consulting him; we cannot tell men everything.” But the fiance is to become the husband. Can the plait of false hair be concealed from him then? If it cannot, would it not be better to dispense with it now ? A plait of hair is harmless in itself; it ls the physical disillusion which is dan-o-erous —to a man. A woman loves largely with the mind, and can adore her husband for a dozen different qualities —some of which exist only in her imagination. A man will get a greater shock to his love by discovering some physical incongruity than by stumbling upon a defect of mind in the woman he has wed. It is a matter of degree, of course, and each man lias his own standard; but even the discovery that his wife can suffer and bo ill like other human beings will often lessen a man’s love, while as long as the smiling, attractive exterior is preserved' intact, so will liis devotion he. This does not mean, of course, exact lv that man’s love is a coarser thing than woman’s; or a more physical one; it means chiefly that his love has a physical emblem, and it is this emblem which he loves, or thinks lie does—and that is the same thing. A woman can love a man wearing a shabby suit, unshaved, collarless; she even likes to see him so occasionally—- there, is a sweetness of familiarity about, it; it proves him to belong to her, since he would let. no stranger see him in that ••rig.” But a woman, if she wishes to try the effect of the same sort of deshabille, must be careful that every detail of it is perfect. The morning jacket must he trim, and must not hide the figure; the careless hair, with loose ends, must he arranged before the glass in the most attractive way; in short, it must be a well-groomed and well-dressed woman masquerading in deshabille, not the really careless, thoughtless person who might be “untidy” if there was no one there to see.

All this is because man has a very practical mind. He judges of inner conditions by outer ones, where woman will often fail to judge at all. and will fly at conclusions without any regard for appearances. It is useless for women to rail at men for this characteristic of theirs, and rather unreasonable besides. After all. it is infinitely better that it should he possible to keep a man s love by means of a physical illusion, than that he should he blind to all allurements of the perso.ll. which would mean in many cases that he would be lost beyond recall. Even if a man does not openly admire. the effect of a ‘'nice appearance is never lost upon kirn. It gains a subtle hold, just as the turn 01 - mail’s speech, or the set of his h«<vu. will gain a hold over a woman’s affection. Therefore, instead of being scornful or regretful because man’s love should require this perm ament outward token, woman must just try to remember that her own love requires its tokens as well; that these are less tangible, more of the mind and less of the body, no one can deny; man will say that that is the reason woman herself is so intangible, so difficult to understand. It would be infinitely more difficult to show a man what lie must do to keep a. woman’s love than to show a woman how to keep a man’s. The former, in fact, hardly lies in the man himself av. all, though its lesser tokens might bo named, in the way of signs of consideration for her, etc. Blit a. woman cannot. show her consideration for a man better than he always serving his pet vanity—which is to see her looking always well. It takes a very deep and heroic love in a man to outlive a long illness, or fits of depression, in a woman ; after these are past, she might he able to build up his love again by the same-means which first caused it; but better if she Ims never lost her grip, for her period of weakness is the opportunity of the tempter. Many women have gone through the fire of experience, and have found that they must not be altogether frank if they wish to keep the love of their husbands. They must often pretend health and good spirits where these are absent; if they can induce them permanently, so much the better. “I was a much more serious person ten years ago than I am now,” said a happy married woman of thirty the other day. “I’ve got more sensible since then, and the more sensible you get, the more flippant you are.”. She knew that the melancholy which seems a charming sadness to the man in love with a romantic girl, will lie nothing but moodiness in the wife of ten years later, in the eyes of her husband'. To tell the truth, melancholy is a charming thing to contemplate, a trying thing to live with.