HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXIX, Issue 3389, 2 December 1911, Page 3

HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A Grave Alistake.—The Tourist (aftci ail inspection of the ancient tombs in the village churchyard): And who are the Alountjoys ? Are there any ot them about still ?—The Hotel maid: No, I don’t- think so, sir. There was a big party, in ter tea early, but they all left in a motor. —“The Sketch.” Constable (trying the good old test upon belated person who persists he was “ner’ shobrer in ’s life”): Can you say “British Constitution” ?—Belated One (with strongest “Diehard” convictions) : There ishn’t one now.— “Punch.”

A new crown worth £65,000, is to be made for the King, to be used during the Delhi Durbar. One hears much about the extravagance of women nowadays, but we doubt whether a member of that sex lias ever given so much for her headgear.—“ Punch.” “Has that girl next door to you still got her piano?”—“No; she exchanged it for a cornet, I’m glad to say.”— “But, gracious 1 if she plays the cornet, that’s worse, isn’t it?”—“Not at all. It’s onlv half as bad. She can’t sing while she’s playing the cornet.”— “Weekly Times,” Melbourne.AATiat He Said.—Lawyer (to witness) : Did you say that an incompetent man could keen an hotel just as well as anybody?—Witness : No. I said an inn-experienced man could.— “Town and Country Journal,” Sydney. The Tailor Knew.—Tailor :_ I. must have cash dow’n for your wedding suit, Mr Parks.—Customer: But haven’t I always paid my hills on the minute?— Tailor: Yes, Mr Parks; but remember that after tin’s you won’t have the handling of your own money.—“ Boston Transcript.” His Prospect.— Her Prospective: There are no grounds on which your father could throw me out.—His Prospective : No, not in the front of the house, but there’s a bed of gladiolus in the back yard which looks quite soft.— “Brooklyn Life.” “So your wife always let you have the last word in an argument?”— “Certainly,” answered Alt. Meekins. “It is necessary for me to have the last word in order to show that I agree with her perfectly.”—“AVcekly Times, ’ Melbourne.

Nothing on Him. - Oldblood : My family came over with 'William tne Conqueror. — Nowblood: Well, mine went over to see George V. crowned, and I guess it cost a lot more. — “Hai/pcr’s Bazaar. ,J