MERRY MOMENTS,

Gisborne Times, Volume XXX, Issue 3488, 30 March 1912, Page 10

MERRY MOMENTS,

Little (Hazel: Papa, what did you say to mamma when you made up y (,m mind you wanted- to marry her? Mr. Meek: I said, “Yes, dear."

iHc: Do you believe in hypnotism.?

She: I must. I fell that you are about to kiss me, and I’m powerless to resist.

A young man asked a lady of his acquaintance. “Why am 1 like the letter V?" • She gave it up. The answer was, “Because I am in love, and always come after you, hut you are so charming, consequently I am never in it, and always come in vain."

The city fathers of Montargis are even more fatherly than most French city fathers. They have just issued an edict making it illegal for anyone in the district to leave their house doors or their garden doors or gates unlocked after ten o’clock at night.

Careless Servant: I never break my word, ma'am. The Lady of the House: W r ell, it’s the only thing you haven’t broken, then.

“Are you taking swimming lessons Cabby?"' “No, old fellow. It’s too much bother. My valet is learning, and as I never go anywhere without him, if I fell in the watali he could rescue me."

He: I think all women ought to swim—grand trainin’ for ’em. Makes ’em do one good thing, at any rate. She: What’s that, dear? He: Practice keeping their mouths shut.

First Commercial Traveller; “The bootblack told me this morning that the room you slept in last night has the reputation of being haunted."

Second Commercial Traveller: “well I shouldn’t be surprised if that were so. I killed a few there last night myself."

Sailor : Want to buy a parot, lady ? Lady: Does he swear? Sailor: This one don’t lady; but I’ve got one aboard the ship that is a .vender, and only live shillings more.

“Does your wife want to go to the poll and vote?" “No, eir," replied Mr. Meekton. "If Henrietta votes it’ll be important enough to have the poll brought around to the house when she sends for it.”

"Do you know you talk in your sleep, Henry?" said his wife. •‘Well,’’ was the meek response, “do you begrudge even those few words?"

As many as two thousand rag-pick-ers find employment about the streets of New York. They are mostly Italians, who have displaced the Irish and Germans, who used to do the work. Their gatherings of rags are valued at £150,000 a year. The handcart dealers do a business of £OOO,OOO a year. An under-sized yokel approached a sergeant in the barrack yard of an English military depot. "I want to join the army, ,please," he said. The sergeant looked him up and down, and replied, “You cannot join the army, my lad; you are too small." “Too small," said the youth. “What about that little fellow, over there?" “But he is an officer." “Oh, is he?" exclaimed Chawbacon. “Well, I’m not particular; “I’ll join the officers.“

Unrest in the Near East.-—“ Look 'ere, 'Liza Mullins, did you say as I’d collared the tanner you lost?” —“Xotliink of the kind ! Mot I said was, I'd ’are found it if you ’adn’t ’elped me to look for it.’-

Ko subject would appear to he too gruesome to be treated of in a modern book. A volume entitled ‘'Our Weather” has just appeared.

A Little Error Householder:" I say, my man, are you quite sure you haven't made a mistake ? Plumber:

Mistake, guv’nor? Xo, why?— Householder : Well, I just wondered, that's all. You see the gas chandelier is spraying water like billy-o and the bathroom tape are both alight.

Anxious Parent: Doctor, my daughter appears to be going blind, and she is about to be married. —Doctor: Let her go right on with the wedding. If anything can open her eyes, marriage will.

“My dear child, lie is no gentleman ! Do you know what he did ? He kissed me when I wasn’t looking.” —“The beast! And what did you do?”—“I never looked at him again.”

Well-Intentioned —“What is the use of this artcle?” asked a shopped.—“l really don’t know,” replied the clerk; “I think it is intended to be sold for a Christmas present.”

“Here's something for Burbank to look into.”—“What?” Training a Christmas tree to sprout its own presents.” . ; .-• • •

Reason Enough.-—Figg. Don’t you wish you could live your life over again?— Fogg: Well, I should sav not. I’ve got a twenty-year endowment policy maturing this month. .

Art in the Home. Min' Kicker : The Filigrees have a Corot in the din-ing-room.— Mr Kicker: That’s nothing. Wo have a whistler in the kitchen.