FUN AND FANCY.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXX, Issue 3562, 29 June 1912, Page 10

FUN AND FANCY.

Weary William: “You condemn us tramps, but there’s on© thing we must get credit for.” Mrs Stingey: “What’s that?” Weary William: “You don’t hear U 3 indulgin’ in labor disputes. o

Helen: “My mother’s a Presbyterian. “What’s yours, Mary?” Mary: “Oh, let me see; mine is a Methodist. What is yours, Bella?” Bella: “My mother never told me, but I heard her tell her friend that sh© was a dyspeptic.”

Officer: “We had to notify the soldiers to hurry up and get through tho Last battle-” Friend: “What was the trouble?” Officer: “The moving picture films gave out.’’

“Please, will you change this stamp? Mother and father, and Uncle Joe and Aunt Eliza, and me ’av e all licked it, but none of us can make it stick!”

“Have you any lobsters to-day?” asked the young housekeeper. “Yes, ma’am; here’s a fresh lot.” “Oh, dear me! I don’t want your green ones. Haven’t you any that are riper?”

“Is my son getting well grounded in the classics?” asked the anxious millionaire. “X would put it even stronger than that,” replied the private tutor. “I may say he is actually stranded on them.”

Attendant : “What would your illustrious eminence be pleased to eat for dinner to-day?” African Chieftain: “I think a hump wooild be very nice.” Attendant: “Pardon me, sire, but do you mean from a dromedary or a bicycle-rider?”

“I suppose you’re often home-sicic, captain ?’ ’

“Lor! no, yer reverence, I’m never at ’ome long enough for that.”

Elsie: “Why is Clara always so short of money — didn’t her father leave her a lot?” 'Madge: “Yes; but, you see, she’s not to get it till ehe’s thirty, and she’ll never own up to mat.”

Artint: “Have you noticed that long hair makes a man look intellectual ?” His Friend: “Well, I’ve seen wives pick them off their hu.>band’s coats, when it made them lookfoolish. ”

Ti\ by are Irishmen always laying bare the wrongs of their country?” asked someone in the House of Commons. “Because they want them redressed,” thundered a well-known Nationalist member.