MISCELLANEOUS.

Globe, Volume I, Issue 25, 29 June 1874, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

All flowers of Bpeech spring from tulips. A Toice from the grave—The tombes-tone, Remedy for the nailer'a strike—Knock it on the head. ' An Ohio editor calls another " a natural born Christian liar." Thought for a school boy's theme—Beauty and bashfulneßS are often united; yet the loveliest maiden is admired for her cheek. — " Punch." A New Jersy tobacconist, with commendable frankness, advertises—' 1 shall continue to keep on hand imported cigars of my own manfacture.' Young wife taken a single ticket for mamma, have you not?" George—"Of course I have, my dear. Who ever heard of taking a return ticket for a mother-in-law 1 " "You, say, prisoner, you've a complaint againt the constable ? What was it? 1 ' Prisoner—" Please, sir, he took me unawares, sir!" One evening, at a Paris cafe, a group of idlers were discussing politics and the people who changed their opinions. Well," Baid one, " I've never cried ' Long live anybody?'" " Quite so," remarked another; " but then you're a doctor." A Georgia negro, who bet ten dollars that General Washington commanded the Federals at Bull Run, handed the money over with the remark : " Well, dis yere hist'ry business is all mixed up anyway. An interesting little boy, timid when left in a dark room, was overheard recently by his mother to Bay, in his loneliness, ' O Lord, don't let anybody hurt me, and I'll go to church next Sunday.' American (looking at the long bill just presented)—' Wal, I guess you air an old hoss !' Waiter—'Old hoss, sir ! What d'ye moan, sir ?' American—' Wal, just that you're a famous charger, for sure.' A wide-awake minister, who found his congregation going to sleep before he had fairly commenced, suddenly stopped and exclaimed, " Brethren, this isn't fair ; it isn't giving a man half a chance. Wait till I get along, and then if I ain't worth listening to, go to sleep, but don't before I commence j give a man a chance." A well known lord was attached to a certain princess some time before he ventured to propose. This became known to her Royal mother, and she invited him to dinner. Turing dessert she handed him a very fine pear, with the simple words," Mary Louise." He took the hint. An Alabama editor, thirsting for subscribers has adopted a singular expedient. Instead of offering as premiums chromos and that sort of rubbish, he promises to name his new baby after the patron who pays his subscriptions for the longest time in advance. An energetic young Irishman, who has been reported as among the " fatally injured" by a railroad accident, and afterwards reported as not among that unfortunate company, writes indignantly to the local editor, saying :—" I tell you I was among the fatally injured, but the reason I didn't die was because I'm alwayß temperate in my living, and have a splendid constitution naturally." A few days since a buxom' woman brought to the register of wills a will made by her husband, and which she desired to file for probate. " When did he die ?" inquired the sympathetic clerk to whom the document was handed. " Why bless you," responded the woman, "he ain't dead yet, but he gave me that (pointing to the will), and he drinks a quart of liquor every day, and I guess," continued she, with a laugh, " he'll play out in about three months." The officer had no more to say, and quietly filed away the will.—" Bait. American."