My Neighbor's Boy.

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume III, Issue 330, 27 July 1889, Page 3

My Neighbor's Boy.

[TO the editor.] Sin, —For a lad of nine, I think I might back him against the country. He isn’t inq iisitive, but he wants to know, and has a way of getting at you for information tint will qualify him for an Old Bailey Counsel if ever he arrives at maturity, and should the parental dictum, and more important still, his own inclination, prevail upon him to entar the service of the Devil’s Own. He is one of my chronic complaints, and if any unexplained devilment takes place, I can confidently rely on my boy to throw light upon it. Like David Copperfield's page, he has a tender conscience, and reveals malpractices of other boys by instalments, I liltehim though, and if I don’t encourage him, I don't precisely do the othar thing. ole cf his ways is to quote bis father's opinions—not that the worthy parent in nine casoi out of ten-had expressed any opinions at all. but the boy does it out cf pure artfulness to seduce one io answer his innumerable questions, and to give ear to his manifold fictions. I am talking about Ihie enfant terrible, because, finding me one afternoon abstractedly gazing at the beautiful expanse of seascape called Poverty Bay, he concluded he could interest me in the harbor works in progress. He sidled up to mi, and halt to me, half lotto voce, said, Father says that there breakwater ain't going to be no good. I took no notice ; presently he adds, Jim and I ran out and chucked stones at the big thing yonder, the other day. It was dead low water, and he pointed to where the partly sand- covered papa rock trenched closely upon the concrete work from the Western side. I expostulated with him on the iniquity of atone throwing ] then he said, Pa says tbe river's bust right up. Them little schooners can't get in or out now without getting stuck. Father says he remembara when beats aa big as them used to go right up-the river and get loads. The big steamers will never get alongside yender. My dear boy, I said at last, I don't believe your father said anything of the sort; I don’t think he's the last lineal descendant of Balaam's Ass in Poverty Bay, and the Engineer, and the Harbor Board, and everybody e'se all say that the steamers will get alongside bye and bye, and they must know bettar than your respected progenitor. I don’t care, he said ; father knows a lot, and he says they have to put the stones half across the Bay before they do. Finding me silent, after a bit he says, It will be awfully jolly wheniit's done, and Jim and I can run down the wharf and get on board the big stesmars, I'd like to go to Sydney; so would Jim, When will it be done? —do toll, People (tether says) say you know a lot about it, Come for a walk, I said, and I'll te l you hew to find out. Bight you are, he replied, and away we strode, By and bye we came to some ploughed land, and lying near it a curious looking miebine, What's that ? I Informed him that was a clod crusher, What are cloda ? ba queried. Pointing to ths ploughed land, I said enigmatically, Those clods in the furrows would be clods'll thsy weren’t sand, .Ob.l says ,he, Now tell about thd machine thing. It you look, I replied, you will see that there are seven wheels, ermsd with cogs, placed on an axle running through them. Now, three of these wheels are fixed, and four twine loosely on the axle. Take my stick now, and lay it over the wheels and find out how many of the cogs lie in a line with each other. There's a bit of chalk (pulling a bit of billiard cue chalk out of my pocket, and giving him), mark the cogs in line with it, There three of 'em is, and four is in and out anyway, ho remarked after a.careful examination.' Never mind, I told him, chalk the three and the four nearest in line with them, That's so, he said, I've done it. Good ■, now I’ll answer your question about the finishing of the breakwater. When this machine is moved, the seven wheels will go round and round as it moves. Now, when the seven cogs you have marked all turn up in line, then the breakwater will be nearly finished. He looked blank for a while, but presently said, I’ll have to come every day and watch, won’t I. Yes, I wish I answered to give you amusement, instruction, and furnish you with employment at the same time. .All right, he says, I’ll come and chalk ’em every day to see the marks don’t rub out. Unsophisticated youth, years after this you will thank me with grateful remembrance of my tuition ; however, to satisfy your inquiring mind, I tell you where you may get fuller and fresher information than any I can give you. Now there’s a gentleman in town who writes for big newspapers; he is sure to find out, and write all about the breakwater business. You go and ask him, do it nicely mind, and as he is a kind gentleman, fond of children, especially boys, he'll be sure to tell you. How am Ito find him out ?- I don't know him. Father says he knows the Engineer, he wears a plug hat and a long coat he does, and he ain’t a big fellar neither. You must not make any personal remarks, my boy, I cautioned him, and tell your father I regret to hear that he. is “ prosopolepsia,”—if he doesn’t know the meaning of the word, tell him to ask the author of the poem on " Monism.” “ I can’t remember all this, tell us about the newspaper man.” You will easily findhim, go to Mr Adams, the stationer, look in his front window, and you will find a photographic picture of two gentlemen ; the likeness of apparently the shorter of the two is the gentieman in question, and you will have not the least difficulty in finding the original. Obey my instructions and acquire useful knowledge. “ All right, you said you'd give us a penny if I was a good boy ; ain’t I good now ? I'll tell you something if you won't, be angry— Jimmy R. tried to drown your big cat in the river yesterday.” Take your penny, you microcosm of humanity, and yamos. Off he went, whistling with an ear-piercing whistle, “ I’m off to the Land of Canaan,” —if he grows up he'll' joftl the Salvation Harmy, Thanking Providence for being rid of him for the day, I resumed my walk and my reflections, Yes, I communed to myself ;it is a devil of a business this breakwater, like the marriage service it began with 11 dearly beloved,” and is as likely to end with "perfect amazement.” One thing is clear, the Engineer’s argument on the money question cannot be confuted. As we have only got £105,000 to spend, we xrjust put up with the best results we can get for the money. The

murder is out at least, and the breakwater is, and was, intended for a breakwater, and not that and landing wharf at the same time. Common sense suggests that the wharf should be in direct connection with the town. Now, would shippers of stock get their beasts to the end of the stone work, they’d have to put them in railway trucks to do so. Ko room for stockyards, and than the driving through tfie town and across the pans asinarum. All’s well that ends.well, and we must-be thankful for small benefits, Io spite of my cub’s father, I think the training wall will improve the river, and we shall get along well, enough until we get more money, We have imitated the frog in the fable, and swelled till we bust, Up to the present the work is the best constructed of its kind in the colony, arid all we can say in respect of our appetite for big things is that *l the eye was bigger than our stomach,” Hetbat hath Understanding let him understand, if he can, my allegory. If divided counsels are set aside, and the members of the newly reconsti noted Harbor Board work in unison for the best interests of the many, heartily, honestly, anfl sincerely, “ my peighborls boy ” will have his labor shortened, gnd we shall have one breakwater in a fair way of getting finished. Moreover, I shall have done-some good in pointing Horace’s epigram, Exempta juvat spinis i pluribus una, which, being interpreted, meaneth "Better ene thorn pluck'd out than all remain,”—l am, <ie,, Qoibn Sajiz.