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“VAGRANT’S” NOTES.

Tnx glorious “send off” accorded to Dr Pollen increases one’s faith in human nature. It shows that the public is not an ungrateful animal when it has to deal with a man who has won popularity by a genuine regard for the good of those around him. But why all those vain regrete we have heard so much of ? Why this spirit of semi-condolence with the parting friend ? If there is anyone to be condoled it is us who have sustained the loss—admitting as we all do that any community forsaken by a man of Dr Pollen’s stamp must thereby be a great loser. Would it not be more appropriate for us to throw our caps in the air and rejoice that one who deserves more than our little district can give him has tbe prospect of using his talents to better advantage ?—a point significantly touched on by Mr Piesse. The Mayor, in his appropriate speech, dwelt not on such regrets, but tbe address he had to present did convey that feeling.

One point in the Doctor’s speech rather amueed mo*—he could not, even in his last Gisborne moments, resist the temptation of filing a shot at those stony-hearted commercial sinners who luxuriate on other people’s coin—people who, were they transferred to the lustre of angelic light, would reform only bo far as their tick was refused. Don Quixote himself would hardly dam tilt at such windmills—if they are to be varqaished it can best be done by tightening the screws over which the miller has control. But I wonder what the old hands in Gisborne must have been like, judging by the remarks made on Friday evening.

The Archdeacon was very rough on the medical practitioners wbo were here when Dr Pollen first came : Dr Pollen himself said that the morality of the place had greatly improved during tbe last four or five years—by the way, just dating from* the time when this journal was called into existence. Now I do think that, at least on such an occasion and by a person so much reverred, •Id sores might have been left unprobed. From what the Mayor said concerning the old days undoubted that there was little infcjgßnent for a person who had won his 'P in the British Universities to throw in his lot with the few people in a semi savage ecuu'ry, and if quacks did exist I think they ought to be regarded as an outcome of circumstances. Indeed I think the assistance of men who knew ever bo little of medicine would have been welcome to the olden settlers when, without such assistance, they would only have well-meant ignorance to depend on. Then as,to the Doctor’s remarks about moral improvement during the last few years : one cannot resist the opportunity of a playful shot at lhe old bands (not me nor you, mind), and exclaim that they must have been a dreadful lot of people fifteen years back when we have been going on improving for so many years—•nd have not reached Utopia yet.

I care not what nice names you like to apply to the bridge across the Turanganui river—an erstwhile Mayor christened it the greatest work on the East Coast, and the Standabd has lightly condemned it as a rickeity structure—but I must confess that one is utterly amazed at the great army of amateur engineers that has been rung iuto existence by the recent (of course a woman must be at the bottom of the trouble) cannonade of the hard nosed Fanny. This, that, and other damage has been done, according to some sages, while others inform you very gravely, in effect, that the aforesaid persons come within the definition of Solomon—a Scriptural personage who disclosed his own perfidy by telling us that all men are liars. One man volunteers the information that tbe whole trouble could be put right in half an hour-another will tell you, with equal confidence, that half a year will never square np that “ hanged thing,” this no doubt Using • vulgar allusion to the “ swing.” Certain cf the Ksiti settleis use terribly plain language •nd do not tire of dilating on the foreshore question, while it is possible that the ‘•uncrowned King of the East Coast ” will consider the mishap as an omen in favor of his Separation Bill. One is almost tempted to open up the easy •floodgates of his sentiment—to weep over the shattered structure, sing words of praise to the grand old willow tree that still flourishes (though brutally hacked about) while the bridge is Buffering from tbe •• bumps,” and to wonder what will be the outcome—to wonder whether a new bridge might not be built for the cost of tbe litigation that may now ensue. I should like to know, too, if tbe Borough itself must pay for fighting all these questions—whether as in the case of the previous collision, tbe Borough Council must take all the responsibility and cost of submitting these matters to the consideration of counsel, of course abiding by the advice tendered. The County Council and Harbor Board affect to concern themselves little about the direct interests of the Borough, but if there is to be litigation or heavy expenses of any kind the Borough ratepayers should be given a clear understanding of what their position will be. As to the numerous engineers wbo give their opinions gratis let me offer them a suggestion of my own—that the big harbor works crane now lying idle should be brought up to the bridge, fixed in position, and craft hoisted backwards and forwards over the bridge. I don't pretend this to be a scheme that could be accomplished without difficulty, but tbe auggestion is at least as sensible as some I have heard made by the said engineers.

During the miserable rain weather we have been having eveu a “Vagrant” must find means of whiling away the time. 1 have been amusing myself in reading up some humorous stories, a couple of which will bearreproduc ing. Here is number one A veteran of a Connecticut Regiment keeps at home a handuniform of a Confederate officer which worn but by himself, and to which ' some months or years of liberty, if not life itself. He was a tailor before the civil war, and when he was captured on a Southern battle field this fact reached the ears of the commander of the prisoners' bartacks. •• Egad, I’ll have the Yankee goose-pusher make me a new suit,” said the officer, gazing at his dingy uniform. The finest grey cloth, gold-lace, and bright buttons were brought to the tailor prisoner, who worked cheerfully away at the welcome employment. On the evening the suit was to be delivered, however, a bright idea occurred to him, and soon what was to all appearances a spruce Confederate officer walked past the guards and was seen no more in that part of Dixie. History kindly draws the veil over the expletives vented on the “ nutmeg Yankee” for not only gaining his liberty—he earned that—but for taking that precious suit, which oost so many hundred dollars of good Confederate money I

This is a still better yarn There is a cer tain Glasgow physician who is noted alike for his extreme thinness and tackiness. The other day his wife, having run short of mutches, called in a boy who was passing shouting “wax vestae,” with the intention of purchasing some of his stock. The boy immediately obeyed the summons, and the lady, taking him into the eurgerv, purchased several boxes. The money wia in a wall cupboard in tbe surgery, in which cupboard an articulated skeleton was standing at full length, a circums.ance which escaped the lady’s memory until she had opened it. As soon as the door was opened the grinning skeleton was disclosed to the view of the horrified urchin, who gave one wild, long shriek of dismay, and fled terror stricken, abandoning both money and matches in his hurry. When the doctor came home the incident was related to him, and about a fortnight afterward tbe same boy was seen passing the house. On tha doctor being informed of the fact he went to the door •nd called to the boy that he wanted to speak to him. The boy, instead of answering his call, lost no time in putting a good distance between the doctor and himself, and then shouted back at the pitch of hia voice: "Noe fear; I m fly for you, you muckle old skeleton. 1 ken ye, although ye hiv got yer daes on noo.” Tbe Napier News wiiies•' Is there to be • triangular fight for the East Coast seat ? Il looks like it, with Kelly, Bees, and Arthur •n out. The Tauranga folks will all go for Kelly. Don't be too sure. Bees has by (ar tbe

best all round chance. Many of those who supported Ar hur lant time, arc far from satisfied with him, and Kelly could have no show down at Gisborne end of tbe oonetituency.” As it happens Mr Arthur has not announced himself yet, but a Wellington correspondent’s private letters give mean idea of what the game will be— to split the votes for Mr Kelly, a [gentleman almost totally unknown in the district. Mr Arthur dare not touch native matters in fthe House and Mr Carroll has to take the Wbangara Bill in hand. Even the question of opening up the Motu block had to be brought up by tbe representative of another district. The Harbor Bill ought gto have been one of the first Bills brought in, tut where is it even at this stage in the session ? Why it is a couple of weeks since Sir George Grey got his Law Practitioner’s Bill through a second reading. The Harbor Bill ought to have been left to Mr Carroli. He’d have moved things before this time.

The following points are “Puffed” forth by the Wellington Press:—Ever read the Gisborne papers' ?—Gisborne 1 Gisborne ! No ! Dull place, isn’t it!—Yes! But things are highly interesting there now ; according to the Gisborne Standard there’s an awful howl at Mr Commissiouer (Justice) Edwards openly telling the suitors they will have to goto the Court of Appeal!—What, the all powerful Commission! —ls a powerless corpse, a mere “ demmed, demp, unpleasant body”!—And the Commissioner (Justice) Edwards is trying arson ctses at Nelson!— Arson cases ! I never heard of an arson case at Nelson ; you’re thinking of some other arson case! No ! There’s no case at all at Nelson, but it’s fine for Mr Commissioner (Justice) E. I — How’s that ?—Well, wouldn‘t you like to amuse yourself in travelling at the rate of £2500 a year out of the taxes !—You meanjEloOO a year !— No I don’t; I mean what I said, £2,500 a year; Mr Commissioner (Justice) E. gets £l5OO salary and £3 15s a day expenses ; tot that up, and see if it don’t make what I say ! —Hang it, man, is that the way tbe Government retrenches? — That’s the plan! Cut down the clerks, and put the cuttings on the swells* plates!—They say Bees toid Edwards s!ap to his face, in Court, that he'd no right to hear a case the other day, as he. had been himseif engaged in it!—And did Edwards commit him?—No ! Gave him one of those pleasant smiles which always adorn the Commissioner's face when he’s please 1! — And went on with the hearing, eh; and how did it end ?—Ask Rees: I daresay he'll tell you !

Permanent link to this item
Hononga pūmau ki tēnei tūemi

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/GSCCG18900708.2.13

Bibliographic details
Ngā taipitopito pukapuka

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume IV, Issue 477, 8 July 1890, Page 3

Word count
Tapeke kupu
1,926

“VAGRANT’S” NOTES. Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume IV, Issue 477, 8 July 1890, Page 3

“VAGRANT’S” NOTES. Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume IV, Issue 477, 8 July 1890, Page 3

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