MELBOURNE TOWN TALK.

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume V, Issue 620, 13 June 1891, Page 3

MELBOURNE TOWN TALK.

[By Standard Special Correspondent— Boccaccio.”] May 27. It is an understood thing in Melbourne that our best planned schemes must be altered to suit the little world of the well to do, who practically monopolise the best part of everything intended for the general benefit. Consequently nobody was surprised to find that the Cathedral Church Parade on Sunday last, Her Majesty’s birthday, was spoiled in this particular fashion. At the best the Cathedral, which seats but 1700, would only ho d 2100 when pushed from wall to wall, and this number is but two fifths of the 5000 odd expected and ordered to participate in the birthday procession. The authorities duly advertised that owing to the insufficiency of the space, the public could not be admitted, but they, notwithstanding, gave away six hundred tickets to the vulgar crew who chatter at Theatre parties, and make life generally unendurable to the best of their power to those whom they consider beneath them. These individuals were first ad mitted, and were all comfortably accommodated ; then the soldiers, many of whom were dog-tired, having marched long distances, were admitted and allowed to stand during a two hour service, the effect being exactly as if they had been invited to look on .while Toorak and East Melbourne said their prayers, which they did not do, but talked and quizzed and giggled the whole time. The Bishop’s sermon was a series of platitudes, which would have done credit to the Vicar of Bray, as represented in the first verse of that famous ballad, and the whole business discreditable, excepting to the Military who endured their manifold discomforts with great fortitude.

The Parade of Monday, however, gave them ample revenge. A finer body of men has never inarched through this city. The Field Artillery, Horse Artillery, Siege Brigade, Mounted Biflee, and cadets excited the most interest, but all the troops looked well and soldierly. The men did not look so machine like as European troops do, but were all well set np, evidently acquainted with their drill, and with plenty of fight in them ; the kind of men to go anywhere and do anything. The cadets even looked better t han the grown soldiers. We cannot see too much of these youngsters, nor have too many of them. Every one when he grows to man's estate will be able to do bis share in the defence of his country, and will serve as the centre of a small circle of military enthusiasmAlready the forces are adequate or nearly so, for the defence of the colony of Victoria. When the cadets are mature, as they will be in a few years’ time, with each year's contingent pressed forward by that which follows it, Victoria at least will be invincible as far as her defence goes.

Every week gives us a lift accident of more or less importance, and the la-t is of a peculiarly uncomfortable nature, since it has a tendency to show the recklessness with which the persons employed to work those dangerous machines use them. A lift at the Grand Hotel was being repaired on Sunday evening, when a porter on the fourth floor, desiring to use it, cried " stand clear ” and gave it a pull. It went o 3 at ones, but another porter near tbs ground floor, wishing to ascend, tried to scramble into it, and was caught between the gscending lift and the top of the door and killed. It is quite clear that had the person on the fcnrtb floor waited nntil he received a reply, the porter on the lower floor would have been able to enter without damage. It is aleo quite certain 'hat none of the doors on any floor should he open while the engineer is repairing the lift, so that no one should be able even to attempt to use it in any way. Had these precautions been observed, the unlucky man would be alive now. As it was he died at 11.30, after four hours of intense agony. What is really wanted is some automatic attachment for closing all doors until the lift arrives opposjte tljetn.

For the ninth time the notorious Mrs Taylor has been arrested on a charge of malpractices. Four times she escaped, and once gpt two years' imprisonment. If the evidence bears ont the dying statement of poor Mrs Carter, of Ballan, Mrs Taylor has a tough case to answer. It is greatly to be regretted that the State does not make it illegal to publish the advertisements of advertising midwives, many of whom are but procuresses in disguise, and many more are quite unskilled, trusting entirely to the desire for secrecy among their clients. Of course there are many midwives who are honest and respectable, but these as a rule do not make strict privacy and confidential eeerpey prominent features of their announcements,

Jjady Hopetoun came back in the Victoria, which arrived at Adelaide on Monday, and started at once by express for Melbourne. She has duly recovered her health, but is not to be seen about awhile, as she has given a sort of promise to make her first appearance in public at a festivity to be given in her honor by the Austral Salon, a convention or club of talkative and strong-minded persons of the feminine gender, who meet to read assays of their own to each other and to demonstrate by discussions, dtbates, tea figbts, gnd other proceedings of the kind how infinitely superior they are to “ The tyrant man.” My Lady the Countess has promised to meet these influential personages on June Btb, at the Hibernian Hall, when they wil appear in fancy dresses in impersonations of kt many of Tennyson’s characters as can be impersonated in tights and long but scanty draperies, If they were all young and divinely fair this would be lovely, but there is an unfortunate preponderance ol short hair, sallow cheese and spreading outlines among the dames and damsels of the Austral Salon.

By the way, there is a queer story abtut the manner in which the same Salon was set on its legs. The leading members, while it was yet ia a state of chaos, worked upon a Well-known dancing mistress to coach them up in some tableaux illustrative of Lalla Eookb. Presuming of course, that she was a member, she devoted many weeks to this most bnpromising and unprofitable job, giving up classes and disappointing pupils right and left Sher attempt to put them into order. She d so with distinguished success, and they petted a lot of money by thp result of her exertions. Then they settled their list of members, and carefully excluded her because she was not connected with literature—that is, the description of wedding presents in Society papers—or art, which means, as far as I can see, the spoiling of honest pots and pans and banjoes by daubing them with crude pplors and yagqe outlines.

Not one single visitor who comes from New South Wales can be induced to say a word in favor of Federation, and every Victorian who pomes back from that country reports the general feeling as dead against it. They say !* Oh, yes, we are to tax everything excepting the goods made in Victoria, and they are to come in free. We would rather arrange things the other vyay round.’’

I very much doubt whether Haddon Chambers is after all the coming Australian dramatist. His no ions of morality as set forth in the ’• Idler ” are hazy, and his ideas cf legal possibilities equally foolish. Miss plga Nethersole plays Lady Harding very well, and Mr Cartrigbt is excellent as the Idler. But Messrs Boucicault and Anson, Miss Ensen, Miss Temple, Miss Tanner, are better than the stars. However they all do well and the play is good for a month.