MISCELIANEOUS.

Inangahua Times, Volume II, Issue II, 4 February 1880, Page 2

MISCELIANEOUS.

There are some rogu ries (such as those one reads of in Gil Bias) so imn ensely funny, that, unless one is of an exeep* tionally serious disposition —which is mv case, but then I can make allowance for others— one cannot help forgiving them Ky reason of their fun. Our pity for the victim, our indignation against the rogue, | are overwhelmed by our sense of humour. A rase in point happened last week. The sufferer, a most resppctable boilermaker, had a weakness for gymnastics, and besought one of those peripatetic athlete who do * The Davenport Brothers ' in the street to show Mm how it was done After being treated at several public houses, the professor, of ropettying agreed to give the desired lesson. The boiler% maker took off his coat, hat, and wais(« coat, and was very securely tied op. He had expressed his opinion that he eouki get out of the ropes as easily as tie other, but when it came to the teat he could not stir a finger. Then the acrobat took up bis hat, nnd also his coat and waistcoat, and walked off, while bis pupil remainpd tied and bound for an hour or twn, till n boy came by and cut the ropes. The previous friendship and confidence between them greatly heightened the effect of this ca'astropbe, which in its wav reminds one of the hard case of the gentleman of the last century whose hat bid been snatched off by a thief, and who was asststebVand encouraged in the pursuit by a sympathising stranger who kept beside him. ' Bun, run,' cried the latter, 'or you will certainly lose your hat.' ' I can't run another step,' panted the other. ' Are you quite sure, my good sir P ' 'Quite sure — sure,' was the painful reply. ' Then hanged if I don't have your wig too,' cried the stranger and ran away with it. The London correspondent of the Auck« land Star says ;— Just as the ship Padishah was about to sail for Otago, the

surgeon, a Mr Lawforl^^^^^^^^H arrested at the instance o^^^^^^^^^^H irate wife on the count of *^Pl^^^^^| become chargeable to the Holywei^^^^B The unlucky man is a surgeon wit^^H extensive practice at Mold. Some tnnW ago be became financially embarrassed, and fioding things unpleasant, left his home. About the same tim« a young lady in the neigborhood also disappeared, and it was suspected tlietwo had gone to Now Zealand together. The prisoner's effects were sold, and Mrs Evans applied to the parish for relief. Afterwards, however, the good lady ascertained that her busband was in London, and, accompanied by a detective, she went there, and ar« rived just in time to give him into eustodv. It was ascertained that he had paid £30 towards a passage on board the Padishah for a certain "Mrs Elizibeth Evans" whom the real Mrs Evans expressed a desire to scratch. When brouaht up at the Police Court the prisoner siid he fel' his position acutely, and that his boolt debts would more than have covered liis liabilities. He was. however, sent to gaol for a month with hard 'abor, The New York Herald, speaking of Mr Parnell's schemes, says that "if Mr Parnell could carry out his erszv programme, mud cabins would be as numerous 10 years hence in Ireland as in 1841. What we say, tbere'ore, to the Irish in the United States, is not to gi7e one cent for Parnell and his crowd, bnt millions to help emigration from Treland to tbis coun'ry. Here is wort, good wages, no landlords, and no bailiffs are to be found. But let us hare no Fenian nonsense, and no proposition to free Tre- \ land by procession 3000 nrles off. Tba' j does no good — it only fills adventurers' j and demagogues' pockets. No pro* liability exists of Irish Americans contri* bating any considerable sum in aid of ParneU's schemes." The system of utilisation of small coal whieb has been so lnng in Prance is about to be introduced into the Durham coal trade on a large scale. At one of the large collieries of the Marquis of Londonderry, briquette machines are being eree'ed by a Leeds firm for the manufacture of ' rtquettes, or' compressed fnel of small coal. It is stated that, at a cost for preparing, nvxing, and making, of above one shilling per too, an excellent fuel can be made f rom the waste o*' small coal. In Prance the use of briquettes so made is on a large scale— one company alone producing 300.000 tons yearly ; bot the system has not, up to the present, been largely adopted in England. It is probable, however, that if the attempt now being made at the Londonderry collieries prove successful, it will soon be followed extensively in the north. The following * yarn ' is clipped from 'he Z w Zealand Times, and perhaps some of our readers may believe it :— ' An anecdote Jir» been relited to us, which although it cotres Bon>ewhat late in the day, is worth repeating. It appears that a party was given at the house of a well known citizen on Old Year's Eve, at whkh a large number of gnest* wer» present. Among them were one or two who were strangers to the manner and customs of the people of Wellington ; and fiom their subsequent proceedings it would appear that the manners and customs of the people o' that part of ti^amM*Bmm^l*a*g*mm came were ?qu^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H Wellington. gentlemen was^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H snnt. not to is^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^M flock had just j^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H thus announcu^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H when the and delibe^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H in the ]j^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^| that, "j^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^l positio^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H been d^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H made tw|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H ce^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^| th^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H u^jj^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^l otberslj^^^^^^^V^Fcting thooBWI ders from^lH^iWhese latter returned to the room where the fires act of the k-ssing drama had taken place, all smiles, and with extended bands to the gentlemen When they found how offended the latter were, they expressed their surprise, explain i jng that they had only done what was the general cu-torn in Christchurch, from whi h place it aeems they oame. They had go wish to give offence— had thought that as strangers it was their duty to set a good example in ushering in the new year, and expressed their regret if they bad given any offence. The ladies all smilingly accepted the apologies, as did likewise the gentlemen, after some demur. The Chrstehurch Press says . — The years 1878-79 will be known not merely as the delirium tremens period of pnblic works administration. It will also be memorable as marking the rise, progress, and decay of a policy which aimed at furthering the welfare of tbe ' whole human race.' Vogelism had been chiefly remarkable for its bad treatment of ' posterity ; ' Greyism on the contrary, was principally concerned with ' the generations that are to follow us.' and, with obtaining boons for the people of New Zealand • which will last for ever, which will never died. 1 But both schemes have been equally disastrous to us of the present day. While tbe great Liberal leaders were occupied with ' posterity' aud * the whole human race,' administration was neglected, the business of the country was allowed to go to ruin, and that at a time when people were beginning to realise that Togeliim. had also failed {for although the

incurred, paid at any appears in the Jewish Chromew^Bß^ October !— * On the 16th Sir Julius Yogel, one oi the Comer- "" va<ive candidates for the representation of Falmouth, delivered an intereating speech Referring to personal matters, Sir Julius said that many attack had been made on him by bis opponents, but he took the attacks as compliments, as it showed that his opponents had some fears of his being successful. One imputation was against his religion, bat he would say that not for the sake of 20 elections would he disown his religion. He was born of the Jewish persuasion, and would lire and die in it.' At a dinner party in Sfc Petersburg, at **" which the Turkish Ambassador was present, the conversation turned on the social morality of different nations, and a young diplomatist j rashly ventured a pleasantry on the subject of Turkish harems. The ire of the Ottoman re* presenfative was immediately aroused, and he dumbfounded the company by a tirade against Christian immorality in general. In conclusion ho said with a bluntness which doss not bear literal translation, • 1 have four wive*, and 1 have never paid attention to any other females. Which of the company dares tel me that his relations with the fair sex have been ; similarly restricted ? ' Some rather noted | Lovelaces who were present with their spouses felt a little awkward.— Wo. Id. The War Office has issued a statement getting forth the establishment of the British army for 1879 80. This statement gives the strength of the Household Cavalry for the period mentioned at 1320 j Cavalry of the Line 15 991 ; Boval Artillery, 35,216 ; Foot Guards, 5950 ; Tn'antrv of the Line, 120 006 1 Artillery Miilitia. i 7,622; Infantry Militia, 118625} Yeomanry, 14,610. These branebe* of t ! c service, with other arms, give a total of 336 756, adding to which 244 263 volunteers, there is a grand total of 581,018 men. The F : ji Times has the following description of a curiously constructed native craft, which was supplied to them by Captain Ma&owen, of the Mono, schooner:— 'The beat is built without a single nail, but sewed together with magi magi ; it is all of hardwood, and smooth on the outside, and fastened inside like a canoe. The planks are all diagonal pieces, and fitted so well that they do not admit a single drop of water. She is all one piece of timber, from the bowsprit end to the end of the sternopost, which h&s two forks on, apparently to hang their Kara upon, as there was some on when I caw it, On the forward halMeck there is Kali fixed, intended, ro doubt, for the man on the look-out to lay his bead upon. There is neither paint, pitch nor tar on this piece of naval architecture* The crew, seven in number, cnnt>ot speak Fjian, and but few words of English; bat their tale of disasters, which I ?ot from Mr Peate, of TJdu PoiDt, is that they sailed from their island for Ifooa, which is a volcano, to get a load of smooth black stem s to put on some grave, a custom which they are in the habit of doing. When they drifted away they had only a few cocoanuts in the boat, and were six days at sea when they got to Cikobia, and nearly missed the group silo* ge'her. They remind some time of Oikobi*, and went from there to TJdu Point, when they have been for the last ten days. I advised them to come to Levuka and report themselves", which they laid they would the they got. The boat is 30 beam, and 30 inches cutter oi Tongaa to be