THEORIES OF JOSH BILLINGS.

Inangahua Times, Volume II, 27 June 1881, Page 2

THEORIES OF JOSH BILLINGS.

I hold that a man haz just az much rite tew spell a word az it iz pronounced az be hnz tew pronounce it (ho way it ain't epelt. Earthli glori k sum like potatoza on very rich silo — top plenty — tater scarse. It ain't so much trouble tew get rich. The most bitter sarkasm sleeps in silent works. Hcpe is everybody's handmaid ; she is a_Bhy couquette, and promises many favors, but grinfs only a few and them ere easily diskounted. If you want tv pet at the circumference of a rann, examine him among men; but if ym want tew git at hizaktual diameter. measure him at his fireside. There 'z nothing so difficult tew hide az on? folly*, There iz but fu men who have karakter snuff tew lead a life of idle-* ness. True love is epelt the same in Chocktaw as it iz in English. Duty that dont't make a woman vain xn ikes her very butiful. A puppy plays wit U every pup he meets, but old dog v s have but fu associates. As who buys what he kant by. It kogts a good deal tew be wise, but it don't kost envy tew be happy. Necessity begot Invenshui), Tnvenshun begot Convenience, Convenience begot Pleasure, Pleasure begot Luxury, Luxury begot Kiot and Disease, who between them begot Poverty, and Poverty begot Necessity again — this is the Kevolushun of man, and iz about awl he brags on. There iz no such thing az flattery. If cotemedation is desverved it is not flUttery, but truth; if comraendashun iz noc flattery, but slander. The luxury of grief! This, i take it. means tew have yure old unkle die and leave yu 9000 dollars, and yu <sry.