TOO AWFULLY UTTER

Inangahua Times, Volume VII, Issue 1052, 22 February 1882, Page 2

TOO AWFULLY UTTER

" Well," said a Deadwood man, who had just been introduced to a Brooklyn girl, and who had been asked by her if they had many of those lovely frontiersmen his way — " well, mum, we hey right smart of ' era in our necko ' the woods." " And do they wear fringed legs and hunt those dear, sweet buffalo V asked the girl. " The stage drivers wear fringe and sich, and when a buffaler shines out some one is prooty apt to hook on." " How supreme ! And those gorgeous Indians in their picturesque wigwams of wampum, with their blending combinations of war paint, do you often see them?" " Oh ! once in awhile we get a hack at a buck, but mostly they are on the reservations," replied the Deadwood man, staring. "They does come in occasionally, but we don't track with them," " The sweet things ! And you have such sunsets out in your mountain fastnesses, and such loves of highwaymen ! Do you see those delightful highwaymen?" "Not often, mum. They get in the brush, and, as for sunsets, we get 'em pretty reg'lar in fair weather." "Isn't it just too awfully, too?" exclaimed the girl, clasping her hands and rolling her eyes. " Yes, mum," stammered the Deadwood man; "sometimes it's pretty dern, too ; leastwise it was the day that Cobbler Duffy came into town on the landside." "An avalanche! Do you mean an avalanche ? Oh ! can there be anything more crystally utter than an avalanche ?" "It was pooty tooty utter," f hazarded the Deadwood man dropping into his companion's style of expression. " The cobbler had a — a — he had a crystally shaft up to the side of the butte, and one day he was — was trooting around up there, and things slipped out from under him." •'Oh! how^ radiant 1 How irridescent?" *~*^ "T^'i'-' - . "Yes, mum, and hejjeganfto Hkliate towards town at the raie4ffeJMßisand miles and three furlongs tnannute. We seen him a, — a utterling down the | side of the mountain, ripping up trees and rocks and tooting along, and his irridescent wife flapped out of her shack and began to raise a row." "Poor Lily!" moaned the girl, "Did she stop the glorious avalanche?" "No mum, not quite. Duffy fetched up against his shack all standing and began to howl like a blizzard, ' cause he thought he'd lost his mine. But when they tipped the land slide on one side, there was the mine underneath just as he left it. So he could work it right under his winder. That was pooty considerable too, eh?" and the Dearwood man never winked. " How subline ! How crystalline !" " But, I was going to say we never had a sunset since." "So starlike," murmured the girl. " Yes, mostly starlike. You see the lan slide stands there to this day on end, and they don't care to turn it over foor fear of filling in the town, so we don't get any sun after eleven in the morning." " A perennial twilight ! So fearfully, terribly, awfully utter." "Yes," murmured the Deadwood man. " It's just about as utter as you can get 'em.' And she sat and gazed upon him, wrapped in admiration, which he fell into a reverie, and wondered at Brooklyn hospitaliiy in not providing " sand boxes"' for strangers. He wanted to spit bad.