MISCELLANEOUS.

Inangahua Times, Volume VII, Issue 1066, 27 March 1882, Page 2

MISCELLANEOUS.

A Palmerston correspondent writes : — " During the thunderstorm on Saturday last, which was about the severest ever experienced in this district, a valuable retriever dog, belonging to Mr Munro, storekeeper, -was struck dead by lightning, which is supposed to have been attracted to the animal by means of a steel chain, to which it at the time was fastened. A lady in Melbourne caught her highheeled boot in a crack in the asphalt pavement and fell down and hurt herself, and straightway she sued the City Council for damages, fixing them at £149. The Court gave her £20. Keepers of shooting galleries in America set up imitation Guiteaus for targets, and thus draw crowds of ferocious marksmen. In Cleveland, " citizens who never before shot at a mark, pay for the privilege of plugging Guiteau in the addomen." "iEgles," in the 'Australasian,' writes : — " A joke is none the worse for its point being against one's friends or even against one's self. Mrs MacTaggart, who had been a country subscriber to a Melbourne weekly for many years, sent to the local news agent this intimation : — ' Don't send the any more. The paper is no good for my business. I can't make up small parcels in it. Send me the ' Australasian ' in future.' This almost comes up to a country dame we have heard of in Otago, who, of the two papers published in her district, preferred to subscribe to the one which made the best curl papers." Two Dutchmen in New York went into Delmonico's for lunch. They had their lunch, and one was much surprised on being told that the charge was nind dollars. ' Nine dollars ! Look at that," he began to swear. Don't you swear, said the other. 'Well, but look at that nine dollars.' Oh, never you mind for Go(J has punished that man Delmonico very heavily. Well how has he punished him 1 1 have got my pockets full of his spoons.

i The late IJernal Oslkmtip rl^alt in ,-v short smartness of speech that sometimes stung cruelly and was sometimes repaid by speech equally bitter. Mr Cookesley, the late Eton master, was a more or less intimate acquaintance of Osborne's during many years ; but at one time his fortunes were under a cloud and Osborne gavo him the cut direct A few days afterwards Cookesley was walking with Cockburn, and Osborne, after having saluted the Lord Chief-Justice effusively, turned to Cookesley with great cordiality. But Cookesley was not the man to stand this sort of this; He drew himself up to his full height, which was not very great, and put his arms behind his back. "Do you think." he said that my hand is a glove, to be put on and off a Jew's fingers whenever ho chooses ¥' A woman at Wooloomooloo has given birth to a child without arms, but otherwise perfectly formed. We learn from Melbourne that • the National Anthem was played in . most of the city and suburban churches on Sunday last to commemorate the Queen's escape from assasination. The " Boston Post " tells of an Idaho* girl who was sitting under a tree for her lover when a grizzly bear came along and approaching from being began to hug her. But she thought it was Tom, and so just lerned back and enjoyed it heartily, and murmured "tighter," and it broke the bear all up, and, he went away and hid in the forest for three days to hide his. shame. Synonyms for " Births, Deaths, and Marriages" continue to be multipled by American journals. One paper styles them " Babier, Brides* and Bodies ;" another adopts "The Cradle, the Dungeon and the Tomb?' a third "Buds, Orange Blossom, and Cyprus;" but "Hatches Matches, and Dispatches " still carry off the palm. The Parliament of New South Wales are making good use of their surplus funds, having voted the sum of £100, 000 for the purpose of providing recreation grounds for the people of that country. Once, when under the influence of drink, a certain crizen of WyndnMD, Connecticut, wandered off into the fields and went to sleep. On rising he forgot to put on his old cocked hat. Some boys found it and took it to him thinking to cover him with confusion. 'In which lot did you find itf he enquired blankly. 'In Mr White's, pasture, near the barn,' ' Well, boys, go take it right back ; that is my place to keep it' ' Friend,' once said a clergyman to ft number of people who had entered his church for the purpose of getting out of the rain ' I have often heard of church being used as a cloak for one's sins,, but this is the first time I ever heard of its being used as an umbrella.'