THE POETICAL PRISONES.

Inangahua Times, Volume VII, Issue 1194, 13 November 1882, Page 2

THE POETICAL PRISONES.

A Nenagh correspondent of the Kilkenny .« Moderator ' writes that at the petty sessions of that town an exdraper assistant named John Anthony Maher, formerly of Roscrea, lately of Nenagh, and latest of Rathdowney, was brought up in custody charged by subConstable Jeremiah Regan with having stolen a silk umbrella from the house of Dr Morton, Summer Hill, \enagh. Mr William I'eeves conducted the prosecution. The prisoner "conducted" his own defence with much ability, and with all the assurance of an experienced practioner, yet with an assumption of injured innocence, as if he were a martyr to circumstances. The principal evidence for the posecution was that of Nanny Ralph, a servant in the employ of Dr Morton, who deposed that on the day in question the prisoner called at her master's house, and asked ifDrMortion was in. She replied that he was not, and asked if Mis Mortion would do; she then went to acquaint her mistress of the presence of the man in the hall, who wanted to see tho doctor. On her (witness's) return to the hall she missed from the stand a silk umbrella, the property of a young lady then on a visit to Mrs Mortion. The umbrella now produced was the one taken from the hall. • The chairman — Is that the man the (prisoner) whom you saw in the hall. Witness — It is, sir. Prisoner (assuming a tragic air) — Lady, look me straight in the face, I am but the wreck of a royal face; Of fortune and friends they have bereft me ; I'm John Anthony Mahei, that's all that's now left of me. — (Laughter.) Evidence was then given by a Mrs Maragaret Minogue to the effect that on the evening in question the prisoner came to her husband's house and asked her to buy the umbrella for a shilling, but she said she did not want to buy it. Prisoner) who was " all impatience " to make a speech) — Well, gentlemen of the Court, what do you charge me with ? I went into a house to see a doctor, I was hungry, I was thirsty — (laughter)— nay, gentlemen, I was delirious ; in fact, ' twas our old familiar friend John Jamieson, that did it all — through me — (much laughter) — I was but the " instrument" — (laughter) — if I took the umbrella, and we will assume for argument sake that I did — (great laughter) — L was quite unconscious of having done so. That, gentleman, is the '• head and front my offending." Now what's the odds? (Great laughter.) 1 had £100 a year in a draper's shop in Rathdowney. Let me go back to my business there again, and you shall never see me more. Chairman — there is no doubt but that you stole this umbrella, and the magistrate — Prisoner — Pardon me, your Worship, for one moment, while I address the Court. There was often ten times as much taken from me, and I never said a word about it. I lost a chain and locket that stood me in 19s 4£d — first cost gentlemen, I ussure you — (laughter) — and I have never seen or heard of them since. I wish I were dead. And who knows if life be not what we poor mortals call death, and death the thing we call life ? There's a problem for you, gentlemen — which of "you shall solve it? Chairman — Why did you leave Rathdowney ? Prisoner — Thereby hangs a tale — One evening in May, as the setting sun shone. The shop it was there, and John A nthony gone. — (Laughter.) Chairman — I have here your photograph Prisoner (with well-feigned surprise) — What! mine, you Worship? Hid you say my photo, my second self? — (Renewed laughter.) Chairman — Yes, and it is an accurate likeness. Look at it (and his Worship confronted tho prisoner with his photo, at the foot of which was the date " 17-1-75 "and the prisoner's name in full). Prisoner (looking at the picture with all the air of an art critic) Well, your Worship, I cannot compliment the artist, for it is not a speaking likeness. (Laughter.) However, now, you Worship, look on that picture, then on this (striking his breast), for you may ne'er look on their like again. (Great laughter.) Chairman — I have also here a record of many previous convictions against you, and by which I find that you were four times convicted of larceny, seven times for vagrancy — Prisoner— Oh ? Mother o' Moses. (Laughter.) Chairman — Once as a public nuisance Prisoner— (with a smirk)— You don't say so ? (Laughter.)

Chairman — And 21 times for drunkenness. Prisoner — Shall I ever got drunk again? (Renewed laughter.) Chairman — In fact, we have such a good character of you here on this record that we shall give you the benefit of it, and send you for trial on this charge to the next quarter sessions. Prisoner — Now I should like to know who was the recording angel who went to the trouble of jotting down all my little peccadilloes. What about all the good things I have ever done ? — (Laughter ) Oh! if all my meritorious deeds were stated, They'd more than balance all you have enumerated. Chairman — That will do now ; you may go down. Prisoner — Town to the dust from which I sprung. Unwept, unhonord, and unsung. — (Great Laughter-) Chairman — Constable, remo\e the prisoner. The case is now returned for trial to the next qua Her sessions, Prisoner — W hen will the next quarter sessions be held, your Worship ? Chairman — On the 14th of October next. Prisoner — Holy Moses! (laughter.) Then John Anthony, my boy, aftei all your journeying to and fro, and after all the pleasant days and nights you've spent, I fear much that your sun has at length set, and set for ever. (Renewed laughter.) The prisoner was then removed.