A CELESTIAL ADVERTISER.

Inangahua Times, Volume VIII, Issue 1233, 14 February 1883, Page 2

A CELESTIAL ADVERTISER.

«. " I would like to have an advertisement inserted." This was a slogan that would resurrect a dead man behind a newspaper counter, and the clerk turned as if moved by an electric current, and ejaculated: "Yes, sir; want the top of the column, I s'pose ? " " No, 1 am not particular," said the advertiser. " Want it inside, next leading editorial ? " " Either page will answer," replied the other. " Want a cut of a death's head and marrow-bones or a sore leg to make it attractive, or a portrait of the advertiser with long hair and a turn-down shirt collar ? " " Clear type, black ink and white paper are good enough for me," was the response. "All right; want head line in type an inch longer than Jinkins ad. in next column, or will you have it put upside down or your name in crooked letters like forked lightning all over it ?" "No; a plain, strightforward advertisement in a space of four inches will answer my purposes." " Good enough. Want about ten inches of notice, don't you? Family history, how your grandfather blacked Washington's boots once ; mention of yourself as a member of the circulating library, church, fire company, co-oper-ative store, base ball club, and other important public institutions ?" The customer said he did not care for any notice. "Of course," said the clerk, " you want a paper sent to each member of the firm ; one for yourself and the privilege of taking half a dozen off the counter every week for the next year or two, because you advertise ?" The gentleman expected to pay for his paper, and asked the price of the advertisement. The delighted clerk figured it up, and then asked: "If we send you the bill around in about a year, you can tell the boy when to call again can't you V " No ; I will pay you now," said the other, taking out a roll of bills. The newspaper man's eyes bulged out; he said : " Ah ! you -want to ask for 75 per cent, discount and 25 per cent, off for cash V " I am ready to pay a fair price for value received. Tdl me your regular rates and here is the money." A beatific expression spread over the face of the worn clerk, and he mur-

mured. "Stranger, when did you come down, and when do you expect the Apostles along f— Boston Commercial Bulletin.