JOSH BILLINGS'S PHILOSOPHY.

Inangahua Times, Volume VIII, Issue 1282, 10 August 1883, Page 2

JOSH BILLINGS'S PHILOSOPHY.

♦ If you will. sit down atid wait, yung man, at least one haff ov tlie good things ov life will at sum time eddy around near yu, while the more yu chase them the more they will break into a run. All ov nature's works ar a part ov a perfekahnn ov a plan. She makes no mistake, creates no vacancys and guesses at nothing. Ideas are what wins, but if a man hain't got but one, he is very apt to run that one into the ground, and take himself along with it. Laffter proves nothing. Wise men laff, and ideats grin all the time. , Cunning iz a week itnitashun of wisdum, and iz liable at enny time to merge into fraud. Happiness haz no abiding place, but often is very near at hand, like the old woman's spektakles. After hunting for them hi and 10, she found them at last safe on her noze. Gravity iz bekuming to a phool at all times, but only to a wize man on state ockashuns. Very menny seek knowledge, not so much for the truth az for the spekulashun thare iz in it. 1 1 eroism is simple, and yet it is rare. Every one who duz the best they ken iz a hero. Buty is a dangerous gift. The vanity it inspires, and the base flattery it attrakts, its possessors are not to be envied. Charity makes no mistakes that she kan be charged with. Good breeding iz the only thing that can make a phool endurable. Servitude iz so -unnatural that an honest servant iz the ra est ov all things. There iz great art in knowing how to give without creating an obligation. As selfish and ill-brad as the maps of mankind are, I prefer to live with them rather than go into solitude and try to live with myself. Gratitude is & word that you will find in the dictionarys, butyu will not tind much of it anywhere else. If a man haz got the right kind of religion he kan pick up a kreed ennywhere that will fit it. A true friend iz one whoni yu kan chide for hiz faults, without any of fense, and who without giving offense can chide yu. Nature haz never made ennythiug perfekt, and she luvs variety so well that she never haz made enny two things just alike.

Indolence iz a quiefc malady, but it haz eat up more foiindashuns and tipt over more superstructures than wild anibishun ever haz. Abstinence should be' the excepshuu, and temperance the rule. I Foremost ov all, let my child havt> pride — i don't mean vanity, i mean pride — honesty and energy are allniost sure to follow. After two persons hay fallen in luv with each other enuff to git married, the quicker they do it, and begin to pull hair just a little, the t>etter. There iz a grate deal of ov cheap material worked up into pedigrees, and put on to the market. Virtew iz the only kind of pedigree that 'wilY transmit worth a cent. There iz a great deal of pashunce in the world that iz nothing more than lazyness in disguise. If Adam and Eve had remained in the Garden ov Eden until to-day they would have been nothing more than two overgrown babys, nurtured on spoon vittles.