A PECK OF TROUBLE.

Inangahua Times, Volume IX, Issue 1440, 5 September 1884, Page 2

A PECK OF TROUBLE.

(From St. Jacobs oil Almanack) ... The first case on the docket was Jamas McLaughlin versus Ah Sam, for damages. McLaughlin was an Irishman, living iv Mott street, New York city ; Ah Sam, a Chinese lundryman, occupying part of the same floor of the building ; and the claim arose from McLaughin's stock of groceries having been damaged by steam aud suds, from leakages through the rickety partition dividing the respective establishments. The neighborhood is a most-disre-putable one, inhabited principally by Chinese, Irish and Italians, although all nationalities are represented iv its decaying recesses. James McLaughliu was called on to give his testimony. He kissed jhe book with a smack, and stood nervously defiant. He was told to state his version of the matter, and, having moistened his palms, as if about to life a heavy weight, began : " This baste ov a Chinese — "' The court checked him aud said facts and not abuse would be heard. " Very well thin. This pig-cailed blaggard — " The court, somewhatangrily, ordered him to confine herself strictly to the history of the case aid avoid personalties. "All right, yer am^-' Tins pij»-eyed-divil wid no heels 0:1 his shoes — " The witness was here notified that his next remark of the kind would cause him to be fined for contempt of court. " Very well thin, I'll call him anything ye say, ay I'll only get the law on him. He poured his baste' y wather, all poisoned wid suds an' status an' dhrippins, through the wall ay his place, an' wet mo groceries till the smell ov inn wud make ye crosseyed. I timed to stop him b« fair manes before I tuk the law on him." The court here asked what fair means had been used. " Sure I poked some spoiled limbiu'I ger chase through the holes in the wall, till I made his place sineJl bad diiough to choke a sewer. All the good it done was to bring a crowd ay China.se. to his place, to e.njoy it. I bolayve on ni3 oath he gave a party on the suiol), an' sold tickets." The court asked gravely vhat other persuasion had been used. " I wint into his place wid some friends, an' bate him an' hisfiinds, till they looked like a lot o' broken wax-works, but got no. relafe. Thin I swore I'd have the. law on him, tltc plgeyed, Jumbo-caved, bared necked, sulutthmng divil, wid his — " " Hold on ! " said the marshal. Ah Sum was put on the stand, and he was ordered to state his version of the matter in his own way. " My name belong Ah Sam, I got a China laundry Mott street. Allo same place Laughlin, he got a gin mill. He talkee no got gin mill, got glocely. Belong lie. Suppose he got licensee, he talkee got gin mill. No got licensee, talkee got glocely Planty Ilishmau number one bad man — allo same Democlat — makee dlunk inside a gin mill. Makee big bobbely, smash -plenty hole longside my house. Suppose that water walkee inside that gin mill? How fashion 1 My no sabe. Suppose Chinaman wantchee catchee dlunk, h« no walkee gin mill side. Chinaman ratchee opium dlunk, he go sleep, plenty. Ilishman catchee wiskey dlunk he takee politic, makee bobbely. Maske! That Tlishman he walkee inside my, house, tolkee niy belong damfoolo, bloke n)y head. My bobbely he, he bobbely my. He flen allo same makee spilnm to muchee my carstumer close. He talk«e Chinese muss gi>, allo ! same Dennis Kearney. Then policeman makee my walkee this side an' makee pull my hair." McLaughlin muttered aloud : <" Faith ! I'd give him a box o' ciggars, ay he'd pull the pig-tail clone out ay yer goose-egg ay a head intirely !" " Silence in the court !" roared the marshal. A witness was put on the stand. He described himself as Heinrick Blnmenthaal, green-grocer, and his evidence ran thus : "Choodge, I shust told yon all apoud it. Dot Mich Laughlin he shlog dot Shinerman in der het mit a dable und a vash-dubs. Dot Mick's frients he shmack dot Shiuerman's frents mit flat-irons und vosh-poards, itnd, by chimney? neffer I see in my live such a fighting like dot. Breddy soon dot bolice he gomes und glubs my vife, und shpits on dot slate by ray grocery vere I hef my aggounts. Vy crash us? I doncl know vedder I gets my pills baid, or vedder I dond bay myselluf doze pills vot my customers oze me f I dolcl dot Mick I gompromise of he srifs me six tollars iind a halluf. He gall me koterhail und dond gif me a zent." The judge ordered the case dismissed and told the burly policeman on duty to clear the court. That official pushed plaintiff, defendant and witnesses roughly before him until he had them herded on tho pavement, and then dismissed them, saying : "Now look a here. You galoots bettor come off this racket ! You're all too fresh ! The fust muss yer make down among yer shebangs again, T'll come down an' dunce the lancers all over yer. If I e.ome down an' pasto jer ail around with a club, yell

wish yer was inside a fhv-proof safe an' der combination bust. Now git !!" And they got