MISCELLANEOUS.

Inangahua Times, Volume IX, Issue 1479, 5 December 1884, Page 2

MISCELLANEOUS.

» •Will you he kind enough, sir, to hold this ram for me while I open this "ate ? It is fastened on the inside, and I must climb over.' This modest remark was made by a man who was standing at a gate on a lonely road, and it was addressed to a stalwart sailor who had just come up. The only other object visible on the long, straight road was the larga ram whose massive crooked horns were being held by the man as tho two stood quite still in front of the gate. ' Why sartinly, shipmate,' said the obliging tar, as he seized the big horns and relieved the first holder. The latter climbed quickly over the gate. ' I thank you very much,' he said politely when he got to the other side. ' You will be surprised to hear that I never saw that ram before to-day. The brute attacked me about half an hour age, and we have been tussling together ever since. As long as you Btaud before him holciug his horns firmly he can't hurt yon much. Good-by. I hope you will be as lucky in getting away from as I have been,' It is not kuown what the sailor said. One of Broughamn's earlist appearances as an advocate was in behalf of a man accused of stealing a pair of boots. The evidence as to the theft was conclusive, but Brougham contended that his client must be acquitted, the articles stolen being half-boots, which he argued were not boots any more than a half a loaf a whole one. Lord Eskgrove, kno -ring his man, guessed that he was being played upon, so, without asking the prosecutint counsel to reply, he at once overruled the objection, saying : 'It am of opinion' that ' boot' is a moman general, comprehending a half boot. The distinction is between half a boot and a halfboo. The moon is always the moon, although sometime* she is a half-moon. Amongstthe numerous patents that ha ne been taken out lately is, one fora new opera glass. The patentee called on us the other day in order, to get a chesp adv. We examined the glass and found jt to be ail he described — powerful, compact, neat., and cheap. After "wo had tiuiahed OTerha.til.ing it,

ihft inventor, a really clever man, showed nsa new feature in it, namely, a hollow cavity round the tube, tiiat would hold a half pint of vhisky. He said he thought it would supply a longselt want. It did in cur case, partly ; but we confess we wanted it to be a little longer, say about three halfpints. We have great pleasure in recommending so useful an adjuuct to the thorough enjoyment of a theatrical or op«rtic performance. M.im«d ni«n will find' it pai'ticulUry ivs-fuU ai there will da no necessity to ijoont between the acts to take a little fresh air. The American correspondent <>f the Dinediii Siar, writing by the inwaid mail, says :— " lam glad to notice that the drift of the emigrat-ion thisj yarnhas been in the direction of Ausuulia instead of America. The poor irani grant will not vow fi id this ooaatry ti J be the Eldarado of his dreams, Bus ! iuess is at a dead standstill ; yet Ica ; not conceive why. There are here ] population, resources, money in abundance ; arid of food, merchandise, and , in?innfa';Hire9 a surfeit. The hum of the factory has ceased, and the dry •j»o:> Is s-ilmm-n i-JO ti> sleep oil the counters. There are no public works projected, and railway entai\)-'i*e is <j jßck'el Tne bi# corporations arc now occupied in eating each oduu- up. This would be fan for the pvii»liu, were it not for the conviction that the public works will pay for their fun in the end. I cannot understand why this condition of thiigs is." The members of New Y»rk " Thr teen Olnb " recently had the'r a'mn. : dinner party at Glen Island. They formed three or four parties of uiiiruv each, and each party had its ow separate table, one of the object.* of t' , clvb — whence it? in:m- boi't^ t-.o 1:^ countenance the vulgar u-jul • against dinner parties of t.i ;;.•{«> -and similar superstitions. Close to the door of the restaurant a lad !••:• w-.\ placed leaning against the roof of the ■building, and each t»u-*at delibeivit ■-.' v walked under it as he entered Tti teen salt cellars were place! <>i ea :'\ table, and each of the diners solemn-;-spilled a portion of the s.ilt after :< had taken his place at the table. The bill of fare was priufc'd lita a tomb stone, with a death's head grinning at the top. "Boston baked beans " wer*served up in coffin-shaped tios, and the wine was icen in celluloid vessels made to resembln skulls. The chai. man declared in the course of an after dinner speech that thirteen was not an unlucky, but on the contrary. an auspicious number in the United States, as it was the thirteen colonies which achieved national independence, and the old flag which led them to victory had thirteen stars aiKl thirteen stripes. The proceeding which, were of the most convivial and | animated character, were kept up till a late hour, and mi, 'lit have listvl longer, it is stated, but that the rules of the club forbid any member's drink ing more than thirteeu bottles of wine. The Melbourne World is responsiblefor the following : — " A most romantic ■case of courtship and marriage, in ■which the principal actorg are well "known, but of widely different status, has just come about. The bride and In'idegrooin were both erstwhile residents of one' of the most substantial seasHe and rural towns of Victoria. The bride is adaugherofa professional man, and the bridegroom a jockey. Both are youngj neither being upwards of twenty years of age. The lady lefi her western home a week or so aijo, ostensibly with the intention of meeting friends in Melbourne, a;vl with them, proceeding to Tasmania for a change. She. left home by steamer, reached Melbourne in safety, and in a few days her parents were astonished at receiving a telegram to say that their quiet daughter had been married to a jookey." The London Globe says that the 41 effusive Yankees who express themselves horror-stricken by the number of evictions in Ireland had better look -at home. If the New York Herald may he believed, no fewer than 16,000 tamilitsß, or say 60,000 human beings were last year turned out of their homes in the city of New York alone. This was done, too, not after lon# warning, as is the case of Irish evictions, bnt at two hoars' notice. Nor had the evicted tenants owed heavy arrears of rent. The law of New York State empowers landlords to give two hours notice of ejectment the moment any due instalment of rent is not paid, and this power is, it appears, ve.-y generally used. Thenis certainly on»* advantage in the sy* tern ; It prevents the accumulation of arrears. But we. doubi whether the Irish farmers would much relish the snbstitutionof the American procedure for that of the base and bloodthirsty haxon. The curious thing is that they should tolerate on the other side of the Atlantic a state of things which they certainly would not endure for a moment on this. Among the 16,030 evicted families at New York, we wake no doubt a large proportion were Irish, the nationality which chiefly recruits the poorest classes there. Yet no mention is made of ' the wild justice of revenge' having shown itself, nor is a single landlord reported as shot. How comes this difference] Perhaps it may be in some measure attributable to the fact that the United States Government still believes force to be a remedy for lawlessness. A divine, discovering that his son had been investing hia pocket money in a lottery ticket, wrote to the seller ; 4 1 do not approve of lotteries, regarding them as no better than gambling. My son bought a number tn your drawing. If it drew anything don't send the money to him. Send it to me.' He held hms !f above th» law he would lay down for others, likr^ th« good man who favoured a preache£

with a letter of six pages, rebuking him for not having attained a state of sinless perfection, like himself, who, by folding the epistle in a newspaper wrapper, contrived to defraud Government of a half-penny. Don't die in the house. — " Rough ou Eats " clears out rats, mice, bee ties, roaches, bed-bugs, fties, ants, insects, moles, jack-rabbits, gophers, Kempthorne, Proaser and Co. Agents' Chri stch urch.