SATURDAY NIGHT.

Manawatu Standard, Volume 4, Issue 150, 2 June 1883, Page 3

SATURDAY NIGHT.

THE FIRE SIDE.

He was making a call and they were talking of literature. " The Pilgrims . Pro - grew," she remarked, "always seemed to me painful. I Of eourae you are familiar with Bunyan?" He said he had one "on each foot and they bothered him a good deal. . _ ' ."' At the height of the season, a queen bee lays 3,001} eggs m 2^ .hpup, Nawi an -adven^rousTankee ia trying to graft a queenbee on a hen. "There's money m •it." --•':■■-■ ; -- ■■■''■' ■;■■' - ; ' '•' ; 7: '- ■'• ' : . i Qld Mrs Darnley is a pattern .of household economy. She says' she hns made a 'pair of BQcks to last fifteen years by only 'knittingTDew feet to them every winter, •i and u^w" legs i every other winter; ... ; ■ ; '■■"■ Monsieur Prudhomme lauds the advant-' ! ages of gymnastics. " There is nothing like - itfor health;" he says; "It increases a man's ; strength, prolongs his days ' " "But our anceators did not practice!? ymnasticsj and yet ■ interrupted a. pupil ">3?hey did not," returned monsieur* "and what is the consequence? .They are dead, every matfof-fIMF * ■■'•'■■ " '■ A hostler who had lot. out a horse for t half a day,, provided hini with fodder, and fetched him home again, made out his account for the three items thus: Osarafada, 10s; afpMheps, 2sj; ; anagetinoniraomeagen, 6d; totaV;L23;]Bd;. , : . ■ ; - ■ 'Is there nothing else, for breakfast?' asked a yictrmpf colonial hospitality at a backWoods inn, as a whole fish and a pot of mustard were laid before him upon the table. 'Nothing else!' replied the host m surprise; "' Why, good heavens, there's salmon- enough there for six', ain't thereP' x * Yes/ responded the guest, mildly; but 1^ don't care for salmon.' ' Well, then, thunder, pitch into the mustard,' was theconao* latpry rejoinder; ; Ayouth was leayinghis aunt's house after ayisitjwhen^finding it was beginning to Tain, he caught up an umbrella tbat was . snugly placed, m a corner, and was pro* (seeding to open it, when the old lady, who for the'firaV time observed his movements, sprang towards him, exclaiming, "No,; no — that you nefer' shajl! I've had that -umbrella; otwentyithree years, aid it has never been' wet yet, and I'm sure it shan't be wetted now."-- - . i h.\ JqK I stfyou belong to . the Blue Rib-; bon Army ?' Gabby-*YesV tie, I wears the ribbon. It indooces gen'i'men to fcemp' me with a drink, Jwhichfl generally aeeep's'lnr!'" _ . • An honest; horse] dealer, /{wishing to; dispose t)f an amma], , , advertises as; follow* :M ( iP6r sale, -btfe ? otd ; knlacker'a| horse,r^rpkenxknefid and winded ; falls 1 down if you try to ride him, jand falls back "on you" if yoii puThlm m the shafts — a perfectly usless brute, not worth feeding;: very cheap for cash. He has been rushed — ! but not by clients; policenien and clergy-! men have made^hia life a misery to him."! Tho ( ugh r Arabi Fasbais Jn the eyes; of the't*yl6h > Moslems an aimdiEJt sacred! being", they haveTio;objection, to making: iiioney^out of>liimi h Shortly atter^hisj arrival a Voslem; (f bntjßher: was called j upon^to send m a.conttact fora daily! ifitipply «f Tttfeat. ; - c - Hia 3 pricps w^re percent, above what they ought to! rhaye ; beebr- Arabi dent, for hiia; and; when be came? adtainiister'- d a severe! correction with a stick. The butcher at once reduced his estimate by fifty per; cent. It is clear that, m our own interests, we oiight to request A rabi to visit u^, f • and'to- take m hand the reform oiour. butclierp.— -Truth. '•; "I see- the villain m your face," said a| judge to a prisoner. " May it please ypurj woreifipi'' replied 1 the prisoner, " that is aj personal reflection." , \ ~~ If a two-weeeled waggon is abicycle, and| a three-wheeled jraggon a tricycle, what! would you call one? George:' ' A V hide, of course.* ; I ' WTiat's your occupationl' asked a judge: of a ( drunk ' that came up for iuspectioni m the morning. 'I'm > calker, sir,' was: the reply. 'A ijalker!' exclaimed the judge;! ' what an inaptidude of language! I should! say you wer^ian uncorker. Give him; sixty days." That's a corker, surely,' was the:victim's.retort. /'■ i '-h\ .<■■■■ '■■ ■■ -.'i \ The Seven i,Aues of .'Girls.— Oryage,! Bompage, 'Tartage,. Prillage, Flirtage,; Jiltage, and Marriage. - ; : ; \ ' The deacon's son was telling the minis-; ter about the bees stinging bis pa, andi the minister asked — "Stung your pa* did they? Well, what did your pa say ?" "Step this way a monSent," said the boy, ' : ' I'drajther, whisper it to you." , A 'school ma'am has adopted a new and: novel mode of /; punishment. If the boys disobey her rules, she stands them on - their ! h^ds;.ap;d|io J arß water, down their 1 trowsers legsi' ' ' ' : 'Sambo, why am dat nigger down de holeof ide Boat like a chicken m de! egg?' 'Igiv.eum up" Cause he couldn't git out if it wa'snt for de hatch.' A lady sitting for a picture was trying to render her mouth-smaller by contract,ing Jher- Upsr ?" Do not trouble yourself," ' said the artist, " I will draw your face without any month at all." tM&OaiiLL'go io thecircus, dear mamma ? "No my darling ; but if you will ; be good I-will ; take you to sob your grand-' mother's grave." , - jcpA-marriage ceremony-came to an abrupt : and ludicrous termination the other day m Atlanta: -A prominent clergyman of that, cityJiaying consented to, tie a couple, had jasfc asked tfie ibleinn question "Wilt thou jtake this woman, . etc.?'' - When an "bid flame of the bridegroom poked her <|e»d; : idtcCithe room and said : " Heni-y I jesß dar-yjc)uM;o,iiS|^. yesi! ? j .)" Heary sank into the nearest chair without a word, and thoughtfdHy^witndre'w:' 1 At an Academy bal mSique the other night, .a jolly French girl said to. herparfcner,*^¥6u^like to' waltz)' ; Monsieurpf ' I adore i\,'^ jf Then wby! did) -yoi never learnPV" '. "' ; * •'-.'. ItißyerT A sad,toleMD.lat^ r! j^£fethat the *BitKerto -'' unsuspected' -primrose is ' a corolliflpral dicptyledonpua oxo^ec, with slinonopetalo'us corolla and a centtal placenta.' Professor Huxley is responsible ofr unearthing this scandalons fact.•MatbewV;attendant injhis last illness intendea_fo_givejhe patient gpme medicine. Ijnt;a few mbimentg after, it was discovered that the medicine; was noftifag but ink, ||rhich had been taken,- from , the phial by mistakp, and hisjfriendjerclaimed.^ heavens! Matnews'j j nave givexi'you'ink?' I :; Never-^ri^ver ' mmd, my : boy~n'eVer mind," said Matßew^, fain tlyi " I'll swallpw.a_pigcejc)| w blptting^paper. This was th c last ioke Mathews ever made.