SATURDAY NIGHT.

Manawatu Standard, Volume 4, Issue 224, 25 August 1883, Page 2

SATURDAY NIGHT.

v f THE M£MdE. Gentleman to waiter ; 'Bring me some grammatical typographical errors.' Waijer r looking ipuzzlea at first, but recovering inJ a moment hisjusual BBrenitjj f We are jnst out of them, 'sir/ ''Then" what do you mean by keeping them on your bill of fare.*; : ■ _ A New York man who auad a railway; , for killing his cow; has lost his case. The; railway company, proved by" seventeen witnesses itoat the '.schedule of tha road, watf pasted on ferib'e 'right where ttiie cow could 1 see it, and Besides that the engineer ' winked four times at it, but the reckless '< animal wouid not. take the hint. mo ' - A little girl; three years old was charged* with breaking a flower from its stem. She said, «« No, I didn't break it,-" ; . .jffejr' mother, however, argued that' she must have done it, for no one else had been m the room ; but she said, "'Deed, Meed I didn't !" Thinking to make 'her confess, her, mother said, "Now, Ada, I sea; a story m your eye !" Her reply \was, " Well, that's, one told the other day, for I didn't break the fo irer." And it was found she had not. ? You find yourself, refreshed by the presence of cheerful people : why not make earnest effort to confer that pleasure oh others? You will find half the battle *• i gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy. „ ; t . .. ..".';. m l A mian s wife m Hart county," G-a., has given birth to twentyaon? children,' and has been so unfortunate as to raise every one' of them; We heard one of the heigh" bors say he was at their house when a storm wascoming up. The old lady blew the horn for her and she stoodand counted them as they came m. Some* how she, made . the , number twenty-two. This mysUfied her, and she^declared that' she Wouldn't remember havin? but twenty j^^^ln^ordec^JiQMju^fj^^erael^^ahi,. turned them all out into thestorm, and let them m one at a'time. She acted as teller, • while the risitor kept the tally sheet. | Seene — A small barber's shop m Belfast. Glasgowegian, after being stowed ;C« What's to pay ? Barber : •• Four tfiatoik" Why I could get as good a share m Glasgow for a penny! Barber: "Shure aren!t you better to pay this f ourpance than go there and. come back again P" " o,;? .; " PaJ I wish you would bujr me a little pony," pid Johnny. f^l- haven't got any money! to buy a ponyjmy 'son. ; You should go to school regularly, my son, study hard and become, a smart mas, and some of these ( daysi when you grow up, you will hare money 'of your own to buy ponies T^itl^V^ 'i-Then,, I suppose, paj' you didn't study much when you were a little boy, like me or else T you would hare ; money no'w'^o buyj ponies with, woulda't yba^piP" .■:.•■■■••■■■•■■■'- ■■•■>'■"■ ••■■■••" ->-' - T,hj9 addresses of a certain' young man harihg been declined by a young lady, >he paid court toher sister, How> much you resemble your sister,", said he , on. the evening of his first call, .vATTpu hare got j the same Hair,' and the , same forhead, and, the same eyes ; '. !,.-'.')' v ? '^*'' And^the^same? nose," she added" "quickly^' i^e atoned' callintt at that house. J ? •'■^"^ It takes an Irishman to turn, a complU ment. jWhen he saw Jones, after having met the! JaHte^'witffMrif^'J.V'Pat''^-'-Flaherty said— *•' Ye •are'mb'och' younjter 1 than your wife, sur.*' presently ; helmet the wife, and remarked-rr" ;The ; idea. «f such a young woman marrying' Mr Jones!" The next day he met them together, but he wasn't at a loss-for blarney. " Och," he exclaimed, "ye are both of yes too young for aiohrOther.'A , r • r r -