Fun.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IX, Issue 7, 6 December 1884, Page 1 (Supplement)

Fun.

The Marquis de Calinany has been ordered by the doctor to bathe his eyes m warm water : " Joseph," says the marquis to his valet, bring me some boiling water, and put plenty of ice m it— it is very warm 1" A lion tamer has a quarrel with his wife, a powerful virago, who chases him all over the tent. Feeling her nails on him, and "seeing no other place of refuge, he makes a rush into the lion's cage 1 " Coward 1" screams his better half. " Come out of that, you coward !" The Marquis de Caliuaux to his. son:. "I am not rich, my boy, because your mother was very extravagant. Ahl if I had never married you might have had, after me, an. income of five thousand a-year." " Well, how is the rheumatism m your right arm ?" " Gone, doctor. For an hour I rubbedrny left knee energetically with the mixture' you prescribed and the pain disappeared." "Whatl the left knee?" " Yes ; and the exercise restoredjmy right arm to its usual elasticity 1" The doctor, aside : 11 That's worth knowing 1" Why are some married ladies very like tJia kettle of domestic use ? Well, because spmetimes they sing away very nicely, you know; then they stop, and, when you least think of it, they — boil over ! "My dear," said a Mormon wife to her husband, " I should think that you would be ashamed of yourself, flirting with that Miss 8., as you did m church to-day." " Flirting with her ? " he replied, m astonishment; "why we have been engaged for more than three months. It's all over the town." " Oh, I beg your pardon," said his wife, indifferently. "If you are engaged to her, i suppose it is all right. When does the happy event occur ? " — Philadelphia Call. . "Hello ! Where are you going? Don't go up there ; it's dangerous." " What's the matter ? " " They're going to explode a blast up there m & few minute 3." " Well, there ain't any danger, I guess." " Yes, there is." " Oh, no ; I guess not. I see a policeman up there ; and if there was any danger he wouldn't be there." — Somcrville Journal. Jin Weusteh, a hard-looking colored man, was brought to a juctice m Austin for stealing some money from the house of Colonel Jones, one of the most respectable citizens. Said the judge very impressively to Jim : " Didn't you know that no good can come from stolen money — that there is a curse on it?"