"DEAD OR ALIVE?"

Manawatu Times, Volume IV, Issue 88, 10 November 1880, Page 2

"DEAD OR ALIVE?"

TO THE EDITOR. Sir — I am happy to inform you that on the eve of the morning of the 6th instant, that my advertisement appeared m your columns noticing the new Cemetery Works opened at Terrace End. This not only surprised the living, but actually vibrated the dead, for I received my first order

from a being that was pronounced dead by the majority of the inhabitants of Palmerston. It was in the following manner that I obtained this rare slice of good luck. On my way home from Terrace End Station I was walking in the middle of the road, when I was hailed by a gentleman, one, of the number of four that stood in a group on the footpath, and appeared to be highly amused. As a matter, of courtesy, I joined the company. Then I was asked if I saw the advertisement in the paper of Graff's death ? Thinking that they were taking a rise out of me, I said I had not looked the paper through. "Well," said Graff, " that is the topic of conversation — that I am dead! Now," he said, " I want your opinion. Do I look like a dead man ?" I said : '•' "Well, to all appear-' once the spirit is m the flesh, but we ore often deceived by appearance," V Well," he said, " I will' prove-to you whetherl am dead- of "not." "With' that he shot out his ami like two. windmill sails, so that the prominent parti of my features were m" great danger, which, caused- me to" stand at bay, ' so I bethought myself thatif the good spirit had forsaken its temporal abode," that the false one he^ he hod just imbibed Com' the hotel close by had taken full possession ; . bpfe I had " great sympathy ; forbim in'his'terribte uncertainty, and he being, a staunch supported of the Eetrenchment policy, is m gieat dread le3t tie colony should be put to the expense of a coroner's inquest; being cheated out of the doctor's certificate, to prove what man. ner,pf death he died ; but he is quite convinced of ' his position, for. it's there., m. the paper to prove he said he really is dead. Dead or olive, he has* given' me. an order to make him a good substantial' tombstone, which I promised faithfully to fulfil, that his glorious name and his deed of valor may.. ! lie handed down to '; and I trust that the other three gentlemen who were m company with Graff, deceased, will be influenced by his good ex-' ample and give me their orders for their tombs/ and make "this necessary provision before death,** that your friends may not cheat you out of the' last tribute of honor to the gods of Bacchus.— l am, &c, • ■ - ■-•'■■-.-••..••,? ' * ■ ; • John Hikloh.