FUN AND FANCY.

Oamaru Mail, Volume XL, Issue 12538, 8 May 1915, Page 4 (Supplement)

FUN AND FANCY.

A firm of English watchmakers is now working on shrapnel shells. Making the time fuses, we presume. Patriotic Hen. —Small Boy (much interested in shopman's reason for high price of eggs): But, mummy, how do the hens know we're at war with Germany?

A Hold-up.—Eir.st Figure: Are you a pillar of the church? Second Figure: No. I'm a flying buttress —f support it. from the outside.

Lance-Corpora 1: Look, 'ere, are you the lance-cop'ral o' this squad or are ye not? Private: No, I'm not, but— Lance-Corporal: Very well thon;_ if you're not, don't stand there talking like an idiot! How appropriate that a. lecture on

''The Food of Man" .should just have been delivered before the Minister of the Interior in the Upper Chamber of the Prussian Diet! Subnormal. —'What is the shortest way to the Bronx "• "Through the Bronchal Tubes, 1 s'poso." Unkindest Cut. —liarduppe,: Flubdub is pretty mean isn't ho Borrowell: Mean!- - Why, say, that fellow is mean enough to have his name engraved on the handle of his umbrella.

Pretty Cashier: You might givo mo a holiday to recruit my health. My beauty is beginning to fade. Manager: What* makes you think so? Pretty Cashier: The men are beginning to count their change. Undeniable.—"Father, what i.s a convalescent?" "A patient who is still alive, son."

Strategy.—Waiter: And will you take the macaroni au gratin, sir? Officer: Xo macaroni—by gad! It's too doocid difficult to mobilise.

Daughter's View. —The minister was dining with the Fullers and he was denouncing the new styles in dancing. Turning to the daughter of the house, he asked strenly. - 'Do you yourself. Miss Fuller, think the girls who dance these dances are right "They must be." was the answer, "because 1 notice the girls who don't dance them are always left."

Some of the troops are wearing chest-protectors designed like a board for playing draughts. If is useful when the draughts play round the chest.

Grateful.—Borelcigh : Some men, you know, are born great, some achieve greatness Miss Keen: Exactly! And some just grate upon vou.

Deep.—There is more in this submarine warfare than appears on the surface.

Sympathy. Beggar: I haven't tasted food for a month. Dyspeptic: You .ain't missing much. It's the same old taste. Habit. —"Why did your wife leave yon?" "Force of habit, I guess. Sho was a cook before I married her." Unconscious Humor.—Some of the finest jokes extant come through the fact that the printer's finger slips. Here are some which, like all others, are funny a long, long time afterward —never at the. time. A Chicago paper reported that the propeller Alaska was leaving norf with ricargo of 40,000 bushels of cat.s. A Buffalo paper, in describing the scene when Roosevelt toolc the oath of office as. President, said it was a spectacle never to be forgotten when Roosevelt, be-, fore the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and a few witnesses, took his* simple bath. "What are they going to call their bnbv?" "1 don't know. They named it Reginald." Cattorson: "I see they have just introduced divorce into Mexico." Hatterson: So? T din't suppose they had any home life there at all." "It is quite clear that Mrs Peck is the ruling power in that household." "Yes. indeed. Poor Pock isn't even recognised as a belligerent."