SHORT WAR STORIES.

Oamaru Mail, Volume XL, Issue 12541, 12 May 1915, Page 2

SHORT WAR STORIES.

BEER. AND KISSES. lie was giving his French experience to a friend, and .among subjects the difference in "grip" of the beers of the respective countries came under discission. The travelled man finally summed up the difference thus : "Drinking one of them Frenchy beers, or bocks, as they call 'em, just tastes like kissing your sister." SAD. Here is the latest from the camps. A private of the iiuffs was brought before his commanding officer and charged with swearing. "He's been up for a similar offence before," commented the CO. to the witness in the case, adding, "I suppose lie's incorrigible." "Yes, sir," assented the witness. "He's got the orful 'abit of Impelling 'is mouth and letting it say what it likes."

"AN ARMY CONTRACT." A herculean soldier, arriving at Liverpool hy rail, somewhat travelstained, was' passing along Lime street when lie stopped and called on a street axab to shine his boots. His feet were in proportion to his height, and, looking at the tremendous boots before him, the arab knelt down on the pavement and, hailing a companion near hy, exclaimed : "BiJlie, come o'er and gie's a hand; I've got itji army contract." EVERY' KIND OF POWDER. The German cruiser Seydlitz, which only just c-caped being "done in" by Admiral Beatty's squadron, naturally recalls powders' other than gun, wliich equally naturally recalls the story of the "AmuVriciin" girl who was being shown over a United States warship by an affable "Lootenant." After much showing round she turned to him and remarked, "But, say, lootenant. I'don't see any powder on board." To which the affable one replied, "-Madam! We have everv kind. Face, gun, and bug." The lady'", further remarks are not recorded. A CURIOUS STORY. Here is a curious story that comes from a wounded horse-gunner now m a. convalescent home at. Brighton. He returned from the front with an injured l"o;;i last autumn, and was discharged from hospital on Christmas Eve. Then lie came up to town. While ridimr in an omnibus at Oxford Circus a lativ not in and soon commenced to talk 'about the war. She a~-ked how he got cut in France. The gunner thcmiht it a bit strange, for he was wearnm plain clothes. But on leaving the omnibus she said she had made the slip ;;•;• he was wearing on the injured fo ; :;t. and had sent it with some: mere to the hospital. HIS -'NEXT-OF-KIN." A go;:;! recruiting, story, toid by an officer'«i SoM.orth. shows how prone is a simple mind to be confused _by the elaboi.-it.' cross-questioning which tin: new recruit has to undergo. This officer was entrusted with the collection of pirteulars necessary it:;- the allotment of allowances to the soldiers' dependents. He was interrogating a young ieilow who did not seem to have a very clear idea what it. wa-s all about. ••Next-of-kin:-'' he asked in a sharp. busines— like way. The young soldier dropped his voice and became confidentially apologetic. "I'm only _ wearing a jersey,'- he replied. ".My shirt's getting washed."