DIGGER YARNS

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 7, 30 April 1920, Page 15

DIGGER YARNS

ABOUT GENERAL BIRDWOOD. The General Birdwood yams poared in from all over Australia, and two facts were particularly conspicuous. The first., that the General enjoyed the whole-he-art-ed esteem and affection of officers and mi'n of the A.I.F. ; the second, that the yams conceming him were already all fairly well known. The Australian has a kecn sense of humour, and it was not likely that any good yarn remained to be dug up by our coxnpetition. It was astouishing to note the growing pile of lotters all recarding tlie joke about the '"feathers," .... "Don't you know me, my man? I'm General Birdwood." . . . . "Well, why don't you wear feathers like any other bird would." This simple play on words cauglit the fancy of tbe Digger, and his variations on the pke were numerous, and in one or two instances almost alarming. It really does not matter how wellkr.own a story is when one has to judge which is the best of a collection, and it is impossible to escape the conclusion that the yarn ending "I ducked" (which sufilciently identilies it in this paragraph) stands out as the best yarn associated with the name of General Birdwood. It came in freely and probably would have been in still greater numbers liad not many competitors based their hopes on yams no$ so familiar to the public. In judging this yarn the prize went to the soldier ■who told it most eSectively. Judging by letters, the Digger was also great-ly talren with the Gallipoli yarn about the messtiu or pipe. Some of our contributors placed it on the Western front (indeed, many did the same with the advice to the General to "duck"), bnt it is a Peninsula yarn. Lord Kitchener, General Monro, and General Birdwood are confe.iing when a Digger bursts in and dentards : "Which of you bligkters p'nched mv mess-tin?" "Birdie" meekly rcplied, "I didn't." Birdie and staff were showing some Brit sh journalists round the forward areas near Wytschaete. The newspaper men were dressed in civy clothes plus t'ne old tin hat, and had the Diggers puz led, untii oue of the boys got a bi'ain wave and yelled out: "Strike me dead, Birdie! Is that the Sixth Divvy you're l'eading in?" Spoke one Digger: "Any'ow, old Birdie' s not done to badly out of the bally wai. " " 'Ow d'yer make that out?" "Why, ain't is daughter married an Orstralian ?" It was in France during one of those monstrous but frequently-held ceremonial parades for the purpose of issuing decorations. Diggers from many battalions were foTmed up in a huge square to witness the ceremony. The proceedings Avere I web on their way when the General unthinkingly held up two Military Medais on the palin of his hand. Silence reigned supreme, the General being about to speak, when some guy shouted : "A couple of francs he micksum," which made officers and men laugh heartily. Tlie refefence was to our national game— -twro up. The following story is toki amongst the "Birdwood Yams" now appearing in the Sydney "Mail" :— "Fifteen bob wanted in the guts!" shouted "Skyline Mick." The scene was a two-up school at an old sheil-battered village some few kilos hehind the lines. " 'Nother fifteen bob! Come on, you 'tailifs. ' Right-oh ! All &et ; up she goes, and — he's headed 'em ! C'ome on, you headies. What about a bit in the old Y.M.C.A. ? All set in the centre again ; up she goes!" 'Twas a high toss and a good spin, and the spinner, with kip betwwen thumb and forefinger, eagerly gazed up at the shining coins in anticipation of a pair of heads. Whatever had happened ? Tlie players and spectators were all moving back hehind the spinner, while some were hurriedly walking away from the schooh "Red light!" whispered a mate in my ea'. "Here's Birdie! What a mess!" The money remained in the„ centre ; hut t-.b circle of players was entirely broken, ora the spinner stood alone. It all happened in two seconds. The coins landed, and the spinner, intent upon the game stoopirig down to observe them, shouted "I've headed 'em!" Just then he received a ta.p on the shculder and the qu,ery : "Headed- them, have you, Dig?" Overwhelmed with surprise and consternation, and confronted by General Birdie himself, needless to state, the Digger was unable to make an immediate reply. "Anyhow," said Birde, "I shall pass ove> the offence this time, seeing that you are the only one to remain and play the game like a man." "Didn't see you coming, sir, or I'd have scocted — bet your life!" said tlie Diggei-.