"Paddy Murphy" as a "Book Fiend."

Ashburton Guardian, Volume X, Issue 2407, 15 June 1891, Page 2

"Paddy Murphy" as a "Book Fiend."

As the " book-fiend " is attracting considerable attention fit the present time, a "New Zealand Herald" interviewer thought it misjht be interesting to hear what Mr Thomas Bracken had to say regarding that much abused individual. Mr Bracken has.been engaged for the past twelvo months in pushing his new volume, "Musings in Mabriland," and as lie has travelled over the length and breadth of the colony, he should be an iuthority on the subject of book-can-vassers. The genial " Paddy Murphy " was ready enough to give bis opinions and experiences, some of which we quote :— "I cannot (said he) for the life, of me,. understand why the man wlio travels in the book trade should not be respected quite as much as the ordinary commercial traveller. The occupation will, I think, compare favourably with that of the gentlemen who solicit orders for beer, whisky, tobacco, etc. The man who jin troduces a 'good book is a public benefactor." Mr Bracken thinks that the scarcity of good booksellers, that is, men who will introduce new books to their customers and point out the peculiar merits of the works, necessitates the existence of the book fiend. Some Can* Tassers, he fears, have not been over particular as to the arguments they used. His experience is that not one i out of every ten subscribers reads the orderform they are signing, and the sharp practices arising out; of this fact have brought the: book agency business into disrepute. Of the incidents he encountered some were very comical indeed. "I remember calling intt-.a shop in Wanganui where an intelligent youngster of about nine summers was in charge. 'Is Mr Blank at home '?' I inquired. * Yeye-yes, nc— I mean I don't know, sir,' replied the urchin. ' Well, kindly go and see,' I continued. The lad, casting a furtive glance at the case under my arm, .stammered forth, ' Please, sir, are you one of those ooves they call book-tiends ?' ' Why do you ask such a question '?' I' rejoined. ' Because, sir, daddy told me if anyone with anything like a book under his arm came inquiring for him to tel' the gentleman that he was gone to Wellington and would not be back for a month.' Wishing the intelligent youngster 'good-morning,' I took the hiut and cleared out." '* Whenever a man says, ' I'll consult my wife, and if she agrees I'll take the book; you can call to-morrow,' the canvasser can give it up as a bad job. If he ♦ills again it will be sheer waste of time. A very funny episode occurred in a country town in the Middle Island in connection with my visit. A trade^rtian called at my hotel and said he wished to have my book when published. I got him to sign an order. The next day, as I was passing his workshop, a big, burly, treckle-faced Amazon, with golden hair of the most pronounced hue, citching sight of the book under my arm, rushed out and confronted me in a bslligerent attitude, and hurled at me the following thunderbolts of refined eloquence:— 'You're the man, I believe, wot 'awka books. You're the gent wot hinduced my 'usband to put down his signatoor for some rubbishing song-book. Well, then, 1 bells you plainly—' ' My dear madame,' I ejaculated, striving by gentle utterances to stay the coming storm. ' Don't dear madame me, sir ; soft words don't butter no parsnips, and my 'usband aint a-goin to take your song-book, mind I tell you now. We're not a goin' to be swindled by hcvery 'awking triuup wot comes around,' At this, moment the husband appeared upon the scene, and, taking in the position, he beckoned, me away and begged of me to take n» notice of his wife, a» she meant no harm and it would all blow over in time. I appealed to him to allow mo to erase his name from my list of sub-, iscribers, but ho would nut hear of it. He said ho wanted the book and would have it. All this time echoes of feminine vituperation were b^rne on the morning breeze from the back-yard, where the indignant housewife had retreated to vent her wrath over the wash-tubs. I pity from the bottom of my heart, the unfortunate individual who gocs^to that house co deliver n\y book." Mr Bracken finds the Scotch the best book buyers, *' No matter how kunible a Scotchman is he respects a book ; and so far as poetry is concerned, he is the only man of the three nations who cares a rush for it," This is attributed in great measure to the influence of Burns. There are numbers who take a book out of respect for the author, apart, altogether from the literary merit cf his work. Let me give you a case in point. When in Hawke's Bay an Irish settler travelled nine miles to see me. I had not met him before, and when I introduced my book he exclaimed, * Arrah, don't bother openin' the book; sure I know it's splendid, and I'll take your word for it. Shove down me name for two copies, and I'll send them home to the ould dart.' " The following is characteristic of a gentleman not unknown in this country : —"As you take sach ah interest in bookfiends, I will tell you a yarn told me by my friend Jack McLachlan, of Leeston, Canterbury. Jack is a sturdy Scotch farmer and a character .in his way. He is a very advanced politician, and opposes S}r J, ohn If all at. every general ejection, VYell,iabput five years ago a Yankee agent sold Jack a book for two pounds ten. When the book was delivered it turned out to be a shoddy publication not worth or.q-fourth of the money. The agent did not deliver it himself, but a few days afterwards he called for his. money. Jack was in the stockyard when he arrived, aric after the usual preliminary greetings, he invited the agent iMo the house, and, with characteristic hospitality, offered him a drop of < Old Highland.' The following dialogue then took place ;—' Proud to drink your health, Mr McLachlan, Hope you liked the book ; you needn't bother about the money until it suits you I'm staying over at Spring's Hotel, and shall be only to« hippy to call again.' "Jack proceeded to a small desk and took therefrom his cheque-book, at the same time remarking: "' My dear fellow, don't stir; 1 never paid a cheque away with greater pleasure in the whole course of my life.' " ' Mr McLachlan, you do astonish me. I'm downright gratified to find that you think the book good value for the money.' *• Good value be d—i I wouldn't give you ten shilling for such trash.' *• ' Then why on airth are you so ready to pay for it ?' *'' Well, I!U tell you. I'm handing yqu thie cheque as a sinall tribute to the great country' which you represent. I honour thg United States for giving us the splendid reapers and binders which are such a blessing to the fanners of New Zealand,' "The-agent, springing to his feet and striking ft melodramatic "'attitude, exclaimed, as he grasped Jack's hand, 'My dear Mr McLachlan, allow me to shake you by the hand. You are not only a gentleman, but a philosopher also. That is so ; and I reckon New Zealand should be proud of such a man. It's such citizens as you that buildup great States and riiighiy empires. Let me shake your hand once more.' " ' £ou.'re extremely complimentary.' u 'Notoue littlebjt; my heart opens up to right-down go-ahead citizens like you, and to prave my sincerity I'll let you into a little secret that will make your heart jump for joy. The reapers and binders are very well in their way,\ but they want .one. thing-to make them perfect, and that one thing I am going- to supply.? ' . *? Arid what, pray, may that be ? ♦• * Well, Squire, you must hay© ob-

served, to your cost, that here on th. Canterbury plains the hex wind* play the very dene* with the corn, and one-half the grain is sometimes lost. Now, the idea occurred i;» me that if the reaping could be done at night, when the dews are on the corn, no shilling would take pl«c* and the gram would be sived. Acting on this | inspiration, I have invented an electric ! lamp, which you can stick right on to the frame and whiz along at full speed from sunset to sunrise.: "And how "are you going to generate fchc electricity ?' " 'The simplest thing in the world, my dear sir, We'll generate it from the bullwheel. Ah, it'sfl, great invention, and it will make the farming industry boom ahead, you bet. ' The lamp is being constructed in thfe States, and you will be the first farmer in Caru.oi-.jury to see it in working trim. Whenever I meer a philosopher, I guess I know how to appre- . ciate him. And I'll be whipped .if 1 youc farm will not be the firet estate on this side of the line upon which my electric reaping lamp will be worked. Tn-ta, Mr McLaehhn ; keep a sharp look-out for the lamp.' "It is needless to observe that the great electric reaping lamp hais not yet arrived on Jack McLachlan's farm..