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Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2610, 18 September 1909, Page 4 (Supplement)

Tramp: “Please help a poor sick man, lady.’” Lady: “Why, you don’t look sick.” Tramp: “Weil, I am., lady, awfully sick.” Lady: “What of?" T ramp : • * Work. ’ ’ Short: “If Long calls with that little bill tell lum I'm out.” Mrs Short: “But that would be telling a falsehood.” Short: “Nothing of the kind. I'm out of cash.” “How's yor ’usbard after the accident. Mrs Crinnerty?” “Faith, sumtoimes he's betther an* sumtoimes he's wurse, but from the way he yils an’ takes on when he's betiher, Oi think he's bettlicr whin he's wurse.” In the temporary absence of the Beauty Editor this question was handed by mistake to the Sporting Editor: “How should cne get rid of superfluous hairs on the upper lip?” “That's easy,” he wrote in reply. “Push the young man away." Kindlieart: “So your father's ill and can't work? It's very hard to have the breadwinner ill.” The Ivid: “Yes, sir; but it might ’a' been wins. It might ’a’ been mother. an' she's buttrr-an’-cheese-an’-m.eat-a n-’ - tat er s-a n •'-coal- an’-boots - an'-clcthcs-an’-ic-nt-winner all in cue.' Tommy-. “Mamma, is the .old brown hen going to- be sent away for the su miner?” “No, Tommy; but why do- you ask?” Tommy: “Well. 1 heard papa tell the new govemcee that he would take her cut driving when he sent the old lien away for the cummer.’’ Of the culprits hailed before a police magistrate there was one —an Irishman—who had caused no end of trouble to the police. The .magistrate regarded the prisoner with mingled curiosity and indignation. “So you're the .man that- gave the officers so much trouble?” his honor asked. “I understand that- it took seven 1 .policemen to lock-you up.” “Yes. yen honor, rt respond'd the Celt, with a brand grin; “but it would take onlv one to let me out.”