Wit and Humour.

Gisborne Times, Volume XXVII, Issue 2682, 11 December 1909, Page 4 (Supplement)

Wit and Humour.

, Cheat-em: '"I really believe I snail have to give up bridge/’ Miss Frank: *‘Ketfllyr V asn’t the oame •worth the scandal?” Teacher—Johnnie, where is the South Pole? Johnnie—Dunno, Teacher You don’t know after all my teaching? Johnnie—No. If Sbaekleton can’t find it, there s no use of my trying. ‘‘lt seems fanny that living altogether on the ocean they should never their sea-legs on.'’ “'Whom are vou talking about?” “The mermaids.”' . A: “Don’t you think I am fortunate m having such a talented mother-in-law? She has written some brilliant songs without words.” B: “Incredible.” “I made a terrible mistake yesterday.” “What was that?” “I inadvertently asked Green how his baby was getting on, and he kept me an hour and a-half answering the question.” She: “How could you tell papa that you were up every morning in time to see the sun rise when you don’t got un till nine?” He: “That’s all right. The sun rises until noon, doesn’t it?” Concerning the opening of the Ortho, pedic Hospital the “Daily Telegraph” says: Externally the design- is modern, and internally the treatment is somewhat severe, as is usual in a hospital. Mother: “There were two apples in the cupboard, Tommy, and now there is only one. How’s that?” Tommy (who sees no way of escape): “Well, ma, it was so dark in there I didn’t see the other!” EXPERT OPINION. A student in a medical college while learning to use the ©pthalmoscope, was told to examine and report upon the condition of a man’6 eye. The doctor-to-be adjusted the instrument and looked long and searchingly into the subject’s left optic. “Most remarkable!” he ejaculated with a surprised look. Readjusting the opthalmoscope, he again carefully scrutinised the eve. “Very extraordinary indeed!” he exclaimed. “I never heard of such an oye. This must be some new disease. Have you ever had an expert opinion on it?” “Once,” was the laconic reply. “The man who put it in said it was'a fine bit of glass/’