LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume IV, Issue 395, 17 September 1875, Page 2

LOAFER IN THE STREET.

(From the Press). « Who fed me on the stalest bread, Who used to send me off to bed, Who daily smacked my little head— My Mother. This course is not always pursued though. I judge so from the fact that a youth of four years old was recently brought up before the R. M. Court by his mother, [charged with being entirely beyond her control. He destroyed bis clothes apparently as' a pastime, and in a business point of view spent money given him to take elsewhere on toys,

1 feel much for his mamma ; I can imagine almost the difficulties she must have contended with in controlling this troublesome four year old, and trust that this sad case will be a warning to all mammas having boys of four years old to whack them in a proper manner. Solomon recommends rods. As to the naughty little boy in question, seven years in the Industrial school, and the teaching of the Church of England, may perhaps bring him- into better ways, but I’m afraid they’re making a start too late with him. At four years old, such habits as those complained of by his mamma have, no doubt, got engrained in the system, as it were. His mamma should have brought him up two years ago. „ , Talking of boys, the City Council passed a resolution in reference to the recent meeting of candidates for civic honors to the following effect that a policeman should be requested to keep larrikins out of the hall. I am not aware how the policeman managed, but I should fancy his job was not a pleasant one. What is a larrikin ? Is it a youth of from nine years and upwards who smokes a pipe, swears very audibly at street corners, and makes himself a nuisance generally? Because if so, that policeman must have been in a position to deny admittance to a very large section of this community. There are times when I fancy we could do with Herod for a week or so ; only in this case-it would not be a slaughter of the innocents. It would quitely be the reverse. For the faculty of saying the same thing over and over again, Mr Whyte Melville thinks nothing can beat a couple of foxhunters who have warmed up to the subject of hunting. It may be so, but I fancy Mr Melville would allow, if he were here, that some hon members up North at present would run any pair of hunters very close at the game. One speech is a counterpart of another ; Mr So-and-So speaks in favor of abolition, and Mr What’s-his-Name follows on the other side. Ctesar’s remarks aie very like Pompey’s, especially Caesar’s, but according to one hon member, who at any rate has given us some information, the Government supporters in Otago are not settlers, but capitalists and loafers. I should scarcely have expected to find these two classes coupled, but if it be a fact, the sooner I get down to Dunedin the better, for here alas, loafers end capitalists don’t row much together. It’s never too late to mend though, and if you should hear of a healthy and respectable old capitalist wishing to fraternise with a real loafer you can give him my address. No terms could express the love I should be prepared to lavish about him. Abolition seems even to have tired out the members. On one occasion they slumbered over the debate. In a certain sense they kept watch and ward, but still they slept, and it would seem as if the Opposition will be able after all to say—- “ I’d sleep another 100 years, love, For such another kiss j” Or words to that effect.

Some while ago we heard a good deal about early closing, and a half-holiday a week for the drapers’ assistants. Of course it fell through, though much written philanthropy was expended on the subject. Now the Drapers’ and Clothiers’ Association have a standing advertisement requesting the inhabitants of Christchurch not to shop on Saturdays after eight o’clock. Surely not an unreasonable request on the part of the association. In these days of closecompetition I suppose shops must be kept open as long as a single customer can be expected for even half-a-yard of tape, but if the employers were to charge double prices after eight the amount of shopping done after that time would be very harmless. I make a present of the suggestion to the Drapers’ Association with very great pleasure, feeling sure that it would work like a charm.

From a letter written by a young lady female servant to ber friends at home, and published in the Nelson Evening Mail, I extract the following :—“ I have had two places since I arrived here. The one I have now is a very good one, and not much to do. Servants get from six to seven shillings a week. This enables us to purchase better clothes than we used to wear at home. It is no uncommon ..thing for the servant to dress finer than her mistress. * * * I want you to see Jack, and tell him that it is all over with qs now, as he would not come with us. I have got a good chap here and if I will, he will marry me. Tell Sarah she had better come here. She would not be long without an offer.” The foregoing ought to be sent at once to the AgentGfeneral. A colony where girls dress better than their mistresses, and where, Sarah, or it is to be presumed any other girl, “ would not be long without an offer,” would present wonderful attractions to those girls at home Who, like Miggs, consider that “ servitude is no inheritance.” I feel sorry for the J ..ck alluded to though. For weary months he has probably wept copiously over a piece of false hair, and now his dear gazelle is going —like other dear gazelles—to marry a market gardener.

Tobbs, the other day, had a most excellent likeness taken. He had a considerable number of copies struck off, and numerous friends and creditors pronounced it to be most lifelike. r , A few days afterwards, owing to noforseen circumstances, Tobbs took the benefit of the Act> , I understand that at the meeting of creditors which ensued, one leading creditor, who had been rather heavily let in, handed Tobbs back his photo, saying, “ My dear fellow, give this excellent likeness of yourself to somebody else; Send it home to your mother-in-law, or your second cousin, I don’t require any likeness of you, v I shall remember your features and yourself to my dying day.” It is reported that several other gentlemen at the meeting felt quite similarly. The rangers so far as we have got yet scarcely seem to have been so successful in their attempts against poachers as might be wished. The Act must be amended to enable rangers . to work with advantage, but even with all the amendments the most enthusiastic acclimatiser could suggest, the summonsing ranger might still be at fault. He might come across a witness who did not know, the difference between a wild duck and ,a tame. It is a lamentable state of ignorance but it is enough to bust up a well organised ■case. In our advanced state of civilisation, it becomes a question whether an educated man might not be expected to know a wild ■diiokCWhen he sees it. I don’t know a deal, but I do know that much. Oh, dear boys, where ignorance is bliss what folly it is to be wise, even when ducks are concerned. . . You know the interest I always take in ploughing matches. Over and over again I asked you to send me as your special correspondent on these occasions, but you never have thought fit to entrust yours truly with a column on ploughments> This is dis-

couraging to a man like your present correspondent, who wants to make his name in the literary line, even if he drags in ploughs and horses as a medium. I want to tell you a little story apropos of ploughments. At a recent match, a distinguished boot firm of this metropolis offered a prize of a pair of boots for, let us say, the best groomed horses on the ground. The winner travelled considerable miles to draw his boots, but on arrival the metropolitan boot warehouse, was rather staggered on receiving a pair of baby’s boots, instead of the hob-nailed trotter cases he expected for his own use. He seems to have lost confidence in his well-groomed horses and in prize boots. In fact, the mention of prize boots makes this burly agriculturist use the most curious language. You remember Mark Twain’s experience in regard of watches. Jones, a fellow that boards at our place, got lent a nice watch the other day. It was, he told us, an independent second watch. It had two dials, which worked irrespective of each other. Jones told us that was the strong point of this chronometer, because if one went crooked the other dial saved you. One dial by the way was crooked at the time, and owing to his attendance at a christening party that night Jones wound-up the sick dial by mistake. He called us next morning at 4,15 instead of 6.15. We advised Jones to see a Jeweller on the subject. In point of fact we went with him. The Jeweller told us the the barrel was very awkward, the main spring was bent, besides this the tooth of the centre-wheel was Jammed in the barrel. We got it fixed up, and for four hours that watch moved on grandly. At the of that time the second hand got pumping too hard, and stopped the other dial. Jones said this watch seems confusing like, and went to the Jeweller again. That gentleman rebuked Jones for wantof care. He told Jones he warned him about over-winding the chronometer, and informed him that the hair spring of the other dial was foul of the top and bottom pivots, and so that watch went into dock again. fSince its return the two dials go, but no earthly power can get them to agree, and Jones has missed thirteen appointments, called us up four times, hours too early, and seven times too late, and his brains are getting that addled with watching her movements that I am getting frightened about him. He says she will come round soon, but meantime we have another fellow to call us.

A lady in this town has recently had difficulties with her servants. The other day a very nice looking young party called in answer to her advertisement and stated that she would be willing to accept the position of housemaid for four weeks at the rate of £35 a year, and the use of the piano. “ You see, maam,” she said, “my only reason for going to service is that our piano is undergoing temporary repairs, and we have the measles in the house.” The above is a strict truthment.