Sarcastic Rules.

Gisborne Standard and Cook County Gazette, Volume II, Issue 247, 15 January 1889, Page 3

Sarcastic Rules.

Under the heading of “ Rules of this Office ’’ a local agent informs visitors as follows :— 1. All persons entering or departing will kindly leave the door wide open. 2. Those who have no business to transact should remain as long as possible, take a chair, lean against the wall, thereby preserving both chair and wall, besides it looks well, and shows a careful “ bringing up.” 3. AU persons are requested to smoke and drink in the office especially during business hours; also to remind the “ boss ” of his remissness if he neglects to supply tobacco and lager beer. If you do not see anyone indulging in the “ fragrant weed ” begin at once, without enquiring if it is offensive. 4. Always spit on the floor; spitoons are for ornament only. 5. Talk loudly or whistle, especially when tbe occupants are deeply engaged ; if it has not the desired effect hum “lam a Pirate King ” or " A Policeman’s lot is not a happy one.”

6. Put your feet on a table or lean gracefully against a desk ; either will be of great assistance to those writing thereon. Open and read any letters you may see within reach. If you are not musical drum with your fingers, apparently indicating the latest song. N.B.—Any popular airs will be acceptable. 7. Borrow paper, envelope, and stamp, and politely remark that you won’t Insult the proprietor by offering to pay for them. 8. All umbrellas are pro bono publico; old hats may be exchanged for new ones. 9. Finally—" yarn ” st the door and don’t go away until you have rendered yourself as great a bore as it is possible for one man to be to another.