MISCELLANEOUS.

Inangahua Times, Volume IX, Issue 1484, 17 December 1884, Page 2

MISCELLANEOUS.

A fire broke ri^ht out in a suburban church during the services last Sunday, It was with gi-fcat difficulty that several , of the congregation w«i\i awakened in time to save their lives. ; ; A liquor-seller presentad his bill to ( the executor of a deceased customer's , estate, asking, "Do you wish my oill i : sworn to?" "No," said the executor, " the death of the deceased is sufficient , evidence that he had the liquor." Pt;opl« who honor their fathers and < mothers have the comforting promise that their days shall be long in the land. They are not sufficiently nuio- ; erous to make the life assurance corw- :; panics think it worth their while to i ■ offer them special rates. ! | A little girl was with her mimraa in j Cole's Book Arcade, when sUe com- ' j plained that her shoes were hurting i her. " Why, ray dear," said her main--1 i ma, " you've got them on the wrong J feet." Puzzled, and ready to cry, the ' ! little one answered, " What's I to do ? 1 They's all the feet I got." Yonng wife — " My dear, you were : the champion footballer at college, weren't you ? " Young husband — " Yes, love." " Atid a very prominent member of the gymnastic clMf t" " I was the leader." " And quite a hand at all atheletic contests ? " " Quite a hand. My gracious ! I was the champion walker, the best runner, the head man at lifting heavy weights, and, as for carrying! why I could lift a barrel of flour and " *• Well, love just please carry the baby a couple of hours ; I'm tired." A Belgian duel, in which the principals fought at six paces and one was mortally wounded, is likely to cause a revolution in the barbarous practice. Duels a I' outrance are no longer fashionable. — indeed, entire reform in this matter is called for. Shillelahs at close quarters are well enough for electioneering purposes, but they are scarcely aesthetic. Clubs might answer. Can rs are to light. Horsewhips have their advantages. But their, eally is no necessity for the duel at all if it be understood no gentleman will insult another and the iusult of a snob does not count. Oliver Wendell Holmes, in reply to congratulatory correspondents on his birthday, said : " The letters, coming to me so late in life, seem like open letters of introduction to a clestial household, to which I am commended by my air breathing friends and associates. Could I but carry them with me as credentials, it seems as if the angels themselves would make obeisance to a new-oomer highly spoken of. Spwak as indulgently as you may of one who has crossed the dead line of the Psalmist reckoning, he cannot forget that he is sitting amidst the ruins of the generation to which he belongs — himself a monument, if not a ruin, on which all but himself can read the inscription. In the meantime a little praise comes top late to do him an y greut harm. Tito breath that stirs Kla Slumbering vanity brighten*' tW tin

v . ... i- » ii, •> 10U113 mi lai^rft'ous jßva* of H'!flove, as it might have d» ih ii earlier yea-a. I pray you to a:^)' \'v*\ it >'-f".t < s\p-- > 3^i<vi of my fa-.v , M i, it taut showing that yon ">iv : > »vife;ve,l a <»reat deal of happiness i-t obeying a generous impulse." T!u> k-^'per of tlie reptile specimens in fch- Snv -h*.r u.v.i I lStHtttft oiontrai\'u'U »nnc'i of t'le tnpniar belief as to 3 rik^s. S-vm of fcho most dreaded W-e mo 'xi=?t°nce. The hoop snake, Vp-'-i mVps *V »-vl of its tail in its MiT.it! i -i.nl rolls o^er and over 'ike a 'on. k:l'r>2 everything it touches <v : \h -K vi-wn. md t'i<* ''low s>mlc<\ tin b eV.h of which is deadly, are fic+.i',iTi=s. Vt •«"••'■» ''its ra-)v« about they ■ ava y^ M g^i'iMv f-elin'^ ah^id with ( heir tnmip, '•"! *V fivwiml thrust H'td wi.'iar forked ap^eiranee of this o -rvi has °;iven "is* to tho false id->a ft r1j f . v ;» n ,>, r,h e sfi'i ritijj is do'ie. In North A'Ti^nna th Q ro are W, tV-ec S r>^»- ; »^ o F r> wso'inns snik"s — Mip rattlo<mk<\ the .-!on"> a r 'vi'l <v ni'wv^vi. and the. en.-al. These are abont thirty vrHetias of thesw. j.w.ies •iH'V'Vfv. T^m I'opnAr-iiead is probibly the moit. flan^erO'iS, 1* it i s Weio'is, airl ncv»r givs warmnsf of any kind before atrikin". The rattlesn V<^ »h-vi *h more poisonous than either of the others, will rattle at the approach "of anything and will try *~> <*efc fiTMv wiW» Von jhfc to 1«iv". The evil is m'lch mnaMnr, and is a native of the Southern State?. How to divide ftvp ecr?s between tV|i"»f nr?onlfi i=s a nroblptn which might foiHy pnzz 1 -* a nY 1 , bn* the pr'vtjp.al ,'e'iins i e P-inc«Bi? ; n'irk has solv*l •■hit, is ' f . hi* «n'v"l many otho 1 * di ( fr'vi!ti n s whi«h have proved too mnch for profound thinkers. The only wonder is that, as he nn.de the diseovprv ns rainy as thirteen years ago, it shonld on'v now he given to the world in the pa?°B of th« Datrsche R«vii«. It ano°!ars that on the eveninsr «F Iravelotte, after a day when the Prince, likH everybody else, had had nothiner to eat, and was hungry — hungrier, we may presume, than anybody. He bad, however, the good fortune to secure live esfgs, for twenty francs, and the generosity to share th»m with two of his companions. But foreseeing the mathematical difficulty whi<;h would arrise, if he were to attempt an eqml division, Lh JO'»k the nrecmt-'on to eat two of tlm five himself first, wl then | ■dishaJ ;)J 10 Hh i ul with i j great show of magnanimity, ..nde a fair distribution of ttie rem lining three keeping to himself all knowlpdge of the two ho had 30 conveniently c^t rid of. A rapacious statesman would hive kept all the eggs, and a Quixotic statesman would have kept only one of them. Bat it is Prince Bismarck's peculiar distinction to ciO'n-ime lous attention to the i.it^rests of number one, with an effective display of unselfishness. H« has divided countries ere now on the principle on which h-> dealt with the five e&js. — Pall Mall Gazette.